My wife will not say she doesn't love me and wont talk.
Hello, my marriage is over that im sure of.it came to a head today after nearly two years of it getting worse every month, I keep asking her to talk to me but ever time I try shes now saying she will but backs Out. Only things she has said is she doesn't hate me.apart from that its things like "I cant even look at our wedding pictures we was both drinking to much at the time, so I dont really know you, we have nothing in common" things like that.Today I begged her with eye contact and she wouldn't look at me, to cuddle tonight and talk, I added no sex incase she thought thats what I was after.she went to bed again and shes to sleepy to cuddle even. Is this over? Ive been trying to get her to talk for a year At least now ,, we have a 2 yr old and I will be torn to bits if my heart is broken by the lose of both of them. Am I banging my head against a wall here, she will have fun with her 19 yr daughter up drinking till late but I have to be out the house.i sit in my workshop most of the time because if I come in her attitude changes and im made to feel like im spoiling her fun..Please an outside view would be grateful.aany one think there is hope ? Im confused and fear the worst.
It seems to me that she needs to make some changes in HER life. If she is enabling her 19 year old to get drunk with her, then she is not a good role model...and that will also give you more power in a custody battle of your two year old should that time come IF you can prove it.
It also seems like the two of you have grown apart emotionally and that is sad. The only thing you can do is YOUR part to reconnect with her. Suggest fun things to do together. Compliment her. Do small sweet caring things like cooking dinner, cleaning the house when she's away...just little things to show her you are really trying. Do not push her while you do this and just be patient and KNOW that she is still observing you whether she's willing to open up and talk with you or not.
If you have been trying to get her to talk for a year now, then she has full control and she knows it. You need to regain some of the control by doing a little of what she is doing. Don't show her how much all of this bothers you...and she will start wondering what is up with you and will demand that YOU start talking....And there comes the conversation you've been asking for! I am not saying to play games with her or to act like you are not bothered by the elephant in the room. I am just suggesting that you NOT show her all of your emotions. Just let your positive actions do all the talking. She WILL become curious about it which will show she still cares, and hopefully from there, the two of you can start doing things in common, but you will really have to make an effort toward it. If she doesn't do her part, then you may need to think about what the next step is.
I think you are trying the wrong way in this. Getting her to speak would not solve any of your problems. Rather I would suggest, shelve your issues for a while. With the help of her 19 year old daughter plan fun things for her. Ignite her feelings of love. Your focus should be on how to do that. Do things for her what you haven't done till now (this is to get her attention onto you). Plan an exciting evening for her (depending on what she likes to do). The talking will come in only much much later after feelings set in on both sides (here it is only on your side as of now).