PeoplesProblems Logo

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
Relationship advice Hi..
I am in a deep relationship with a guy from last 6 years and now we are planning to move to next step that is marriage. The problem is that he may or may not get divorce this year from his x wife. He is been fighting for divorce since last 6 years only but the girl is not ready and has ruined his life.
Now the problem is as we are together since last 6 years we want to move ahead and convince my parents. His parents are ready and accepted me. The problem is to convince my mom (typical orthodox mentality). I lost my father 10-11 years back. My mom took care of us.My mom fears that what if i also get through the same problem after marriage?
The guy and his family is extremely loving and caring.No chance of doubt.My mom has some society issues as well that what people will think that i made my daughter marry a divorcee.. I fought many times with my mom ...cried...and what not...
I really love him and want evrythn to happen happily with no family issues. I cant lose my 6 years relationship.
Plz advise..

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
Hopefully he can finalize his divorce soon which is the first order of business. I wouldn't even worry about getting married until that's over.
When that time comes, you simply tell your mom the good news, that you and he are now engaged and will be getting married!!! If she doesn't like it, then TOUGH. Who is she to control what you do? She raised you and now you are an adult. Another whole human being. Who cares if he is a divorcee, it's YOUR life. Not hers! If she wants to hold it over your head forever, then distance yourself. Go be happy!

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
I agree 100% with Jocelyn on the 'you're the boss of you' side of things, but I see a ruddy great Red flag that you clearly haven't, out of what I'm presuming is nothing more than marital and divorce law ignorance?

"He is been fighting for divorce since last 6 years only but the girl is not ready and has ruined his life."

Allow me to enlighten you so that you can get your focus OFF what your mother might or might not think and fully back onto where it should be:

Living apart for more than 5 years is usually enough to get a divorce, even if your husband or wife disagrees with the divorce.

So it would seem he's been feeding you porkie-pies on that score, wouldn't it? The question is WHY.

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
I am ready to live with him in a live in relationship if he is not getting divorce this year. But i seriously dont want any family issues. I will later on marry him wen hes clear with his divorce.

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
He said he cant wait now as its too long hes been waiting and now he wants to start with his family.

How to convince parents to marry a divorcee guy

Default profile image
You haven't addressed the fact he's been giving you the impression his ex2b has all the power over when he can divorce. I repeat, this is a giant Red flag. It suggests that he hasn't let go of either her or perhaps just that whole era... isn't ready to start the next chapter of his life... but hasn't been honest with you about it which itself means, he's not seeing you as his implicit teammate (yet).

It's obviously up to you, and *it always depends on the man and how emotionally capable he is, but I personally always recommend strongly AGAINST living with a man who's been divorced for less than roughly 2 years. He needs to have got over that entire episode, not just the woman, otherwise he's going to be still processing the whole traumatic episode whilst simultaneously trying to start a newly promoted relationship of equal depth, situationally, with you. How that might manifest is in too many insecurity wobbles (which might make him either too guarded or prematurely clingy), being to quick to react negatively, viewing you suspiciously, ... basically he'll still be shellshocked like a war veteran fresh from the front line, jumping at every shadow. He needs to get over it all.

*That he's kept this truth from you and bought himself this extra time doesn't bode well in terms OF him being a coper. He should be trusting you with ALL information that could affect your welfare and choices and decisions, that included especially.

I also advise against living with someone before marriage. Stay for weeks at a time by all means to get a taster, but don't actually move in. Old fashioned it may be, but it beats new-fashioned (break-ups being far more rife than ever before) hands-down. If he's into you enough to want to play house with you, let him do the corresponding work, so to speak (and you). And if you're unsure you even want him to do the whole hog, you're demonstrating you're not ready to live with someone or him (whichever).

So although you say you don't want any family issues whilst you're acting new wife, understand that what goes on during that cementing of your relationship whilst he reacts to the passing of that whole era is what lays your future marriage's FOUNDATION. If you want it to be a good, solid one so that the resultant 'house' will last, my advice is not to spoil its chances by moving in with him until he's 2 years past the Decree Absolut. After all, if you feel strongly enough that you're one another's next life partner, meaning you've got a whole lifetime together to come - where's the hurry?

That's my advice, anyway, but like I say, it's up to you and how sensible you want to be.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0