Hi, my wife and I have been together for 15 years, married for 13, in the last few years we have been through a he'll of a lot, her being bullied at work, turning to drink, losing her job, my insecurities I.e. thinking she was having an affair, then more recently I lost my dad and a short while later she after having councilling for her alcohol dependency had a relapse after we had an argument and got in the car, as I work away during the week, to get to me, resulting in a crash, writing off the car and injuring herself.
Things had been difficult after and she did her usual if things get hard she pushes away, I tried to be there for her and show her affection and was with her every step off the way through court etc, last weekend she said she doesn't love me as much as I love her and she doesn't want to hurt me, she wants me to find someone who will love me the way I deserve, so I left, we did have marriage councilling booked to start this week, which I in turn cancelled as I thought I had lost everything....then it gets confusing...she then stated that she still would go to councilling, which I have now 're booked and after other people mentioning it and my self she is booked to see the doctor as we have all noticed she is not herself and seems lost since the accident. I was devastated and still am, but I still thing there is something there and something worth fighting for, I am due to have an operation soon which will mean time off work, she has said I am still to come home and she will look after me, we talk nearly every day and she initiates the conversations, I have gone back home for the weekend as usual to look after the kids and we are going to sit down and talk later....am I reading to much into this ? How should I proceed.....she also stated I was smothering her, which I thought was just me showing her how much I cared, but now I have had time to think about it and look from the outside I can see she was right, how can I show her that I didn't mean to make her feel like that and I really do want to make this work as only a few weeks ago she brought up the idea of renewing our wedding vows....and now we are at this point, this is why I am confused, is this some way of her trying to see if I can change and support her, is depression, guilt affecting her judgement, does she still have feelings and how should I move forward, either way I want her to know I am there for her and the kids even if we do spilt, but I hope there is something worth fighting for ????
Would you consider yourself a person who is needy, insecure, depressed, or anything like that? If so, it could be that you are just bringing her down and she is getting exhausted with it while dealing with so much of her own. One of you needs to be the strong one who can catch the other when they fall. And both of you are falling right now and she is just exhausted trying to catch you while she is falling down too..
Maybe she needed you but since you were already preoccupied with your own issues (understandably) and therefore needing her too, she turned to alcohol. And that is not your fault, but people who are subject to a possible relapse need a strong healthy support system to get them on track.
Just give her some space while also being supportive and try not to cloud her mind with anything negative while she is recovering mentally from everything. I would hope she is getting help with the alcoholism too as that is important in the health and success of your marriage and for the sake of the kids.
You clearly love this woman so she is absolutely worth fighting for. Good luck!