My depression is starting to cripple me... How can I get out?
Hello everyone and thank you. Some of you might have read some of my previous posts. I just hope you can help me with some answers or lessons... I need them. I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
Basically, I'm super depressed and I just can't get out of it. This depression started about one and a half years ago. I went on a study abroad term (erasmus), where my life completely changed. My way of seeing things, my priorities, my goals... everything inside me changed. It was the first time I had lived outside of my house, first time I had to step out of my comfort zone, first time I felt complete freedom and happiness... It was also the first time I ever fell in love (with my best friend there, so nothing actually happened and nothing ever will). Ever since I came back I have a constant feeling of nostalgia for the place and lifestyle I can't get rid of, and I'm constantly thinking of and missing the girl I fell in love with; I also haven't been able to shed that heartbreak. I feel down all the time, I hate my job and my boss and I just don't feel motivated at all, which is making everything worse.
For many different reasons (including seeing my friend again), I've decided to go back there and study a master's degree (I'll be going later this year). It's the first time in over a year that I actually feel excited about something in my future. However, the more I think about it the more I realize that this will not be anything like last time; that I won't be as free as I was, that it won't feel as new or special as it was... that I won't be with my friend, the one I fell in love with (nor any of my other friends for that matter); that nothing will ever be the same as that first time. Although I understand that's what makes it so special, I can't shed the feeling of nostalgia and lost opportunities. In spite of this, I still feel excited about going back, and I think it will provide me with some answers; however, I'm terrified that I'm making a huge mistake leaving ever behind. Also, dealing with my depression has been harder each day and I just don't think I can stand my job for 5 more months, but I can't quit because I have to pay for all the master's stuff...
I know my
I know my "problems" are really dumb, which makes it that much more frustrating. Sometimes while driving to/from work or resting at home I remember something or a listen to a song that reminds me of that time and of her and I get sad and I cry... And I don't know why. I really need to get out of this.
Ok first go back and see what is what. It will be different but that is good because once you handle that you can have more adventures. Life is long, the world is amazing. You hate where you are which makes you idealize the past and you cannot get over that where you are. Any movement is better than being stuck where you are. But there are a lot of fun things ahead if you are open to them.
Hey mate , I was in a similar situation . Last year I started my first job and I hated it , I hated the hours, I hated my senior bosses but at the job I met the girl of my dreams. Through my depression I slowly pushed her aside and eventually we tried again but she couldn't forgive me . At the start of the year she said we cant be in contact because otherwise she cant move forward, I haven't stopped thinking about her , but I Have moved on . The key here is time, though you might not want to year this , time heals pain especially emotional pain. My advice for you is to keep yourself occupied, I did this by setting myself three goals 1.Gym, 2.Learn to drive , 3 Pass exams , and I have achieved the first 2 already. I know its hard but I believe you should battle these five months, find comfort in your love ones , friends and family is the best. If your going to meet her again , improve yourself , and become more attractive , if she sees you as a more attractive person ,you'll even have a chance to get her this time, use this time for that. Women love to see a happy, fun , well groomed guy more than a depressed slob ( believe me I was exactly this) so take this time to improve yourself , your getting to see the girl you love , you should look your best.