Long Distance Relationship
I have been with my guy for 18 months. I met him in Canada when we both worked in the same office. He is American and later on got let go and moved back to the USA. It's a 7 hour drive from door to door and I can't legally work in the USA, although I have spent months there with him without being able to work.
He works double jobs and has three children from a previous relationship (was never married). The woman demands that he help her financially even though he can hardly make rent. (I don't disagree I think he should be paying) She sometimes texts him and asks him to go out for dinner to discuss her weekly allowance, or go to the movies as a family. He never attends and sets her straight, but this makes me angry deep down because I wish there was no other woman he had to deal with.
I love my man. He is my best friend and he has taught me lots and helps me grow. He is 29 and I am 21, so there are maturity differences and I feel like I am mature, but I have had to basically become a step-mom at age 21 and take on someone else's previous life that I never directly chose for myself. I have absolutely no issues with taking on 3 kids because I love children. It just makes it hard for him to visit me in Canada when he has to take care of them and their mother won't let them come to Canada.
I am back in Canada now facing the dilemma of suffering long distance sadness. Though we talk on the phone, I become irritable because he works so often or is taking care of his kids, so having meaningful conversation is inexistent. It's small talk. Anytime I want to elaborate on our relationship and how I want to have connecting conversation, he basically gets mad explaining it's not his fault he doesn't have time and that "most women would appreciate a man that works". This hurts to hear because I do appreciate, I just miss him. He is also a jealous guy when it comes to me going out and socializing. I have to always come home early and reject invites half the time because I don't want to deal with his jealousy. (Though I understand it's difficult when he can't physically be here.)
Every time I'm there I always get home sick missing my friends and family, and every time I come home I miss my boyfriend so much and think too much.
I've recently been thinking I should just end it and remain good friends that keep in touch although I'm not sure I'm ever going to be willing to let go of him.
On a side note, I've been having strange and uncomfortable dreams every night for the last few months or so. I always set my house on fire or I set some building on fire and I try to escape so I can just leave with nothing to leave behind. I also dream that his ex girlfriend is taunting me and making me feel horrible about who I am as a person.
Having to take all of this stress on has made me angry subconsciously. I've caught myself lately snapping at my brother or my mom, I even snapped at a stranger at a bar and everyone looked at me like I was mad. My boyfriend has to deal with my anger a lot of the time and it's just not who I am. I am typically happy and laid back but this situation has angered me to the point where I don't know sometimes when I am mad, I just am and it comes out and the wrong time to the wrong people.
Though all of this sounds pretty crazy, we've been making it work as best we can because of how awesome and rare our bond truly is. Sometimes I wish he was younger and met me before that woman, but there's no point in thinking that way.
Any insight would be appreciated.
You clearly are not happy. You have a gut feeling, - even your dreams reveal your feelings - so honor them because they are urging you to end this and start anew.
This man has a lot of baggage with him - and years that make for a big gap. Plus the long distance causes problems.
You are very young and there are many adventures out there you need to explore.
Absolutely 100% agree with Susiedqqq that you deep-down sense things aren't going according to what you'd THINK would/should/could be the plan.
One of two once-LD lovers, now married.