Invisible married lonely woman
Hi I am 40 years old and have been married with my husband for 22 years and we have 1 kid 20 years old. My husband and I hardly see each other he works night shifts Monday thru Thurday and on Sundays and I work during the day. We worked this shift for manys years and it has worked well as we made time for one another but ever since his brother's baby and step kids came into our lives we don't do much anymore.
My husband was asked to babysit the kids once in a while which I did not mind but ever since his brother's girlfriend got a new car she had to work more hours to make her car payment and needed the kids to be watched more. Of course my husband volunteers and he spends all his free time with them at their house. My husband also drives his brother to work which is fine but he is always canceling our plans and I do not see my husband until 9pm on Friday and Saturday night. During the week we do not see each other because of our schedule so basically I see my husband 15 hours a week and we spend most of that time having sex and sleeping. There is obiviously something missing that my husband is not getting in this relationship. I asked if he wants more children he said no. I asked if I am doing something to make him not be at home and he said no. I asked him he he does not love me anymore and he said no that he loves very much. I asked him if he is not happy with our sex life and he said that definitely no and said we have a fantastic sex life. I asked if him if he finds me unattractive ans he said no that I turn him on all the time.
My husband did not have a good childhood and did not that have a healthy relationship with his faimly. He had a hard time growing up. I am so confused. I always comminication but feel like I am talking to a wall. I feel like I am invisible a ghost. He always tells me to let him know how I deel and when I do I get shut down and my feeling "don't mean anything". Yet he said I matter and our family is important. He recently told me that his brother's kids come first and he will choose them all the time. He does not even spends time with our son who is going through his own issues and needs his farther. I feel like I am in a dream and this not not our lives. I am confdo not know what to do and no matter what I do I am wrong and I make it worse.
I tell my husband I love him all the time and when we are together I try my best to show him and communicate. I even asked him if he os not happy woth our rerelationship and if he wants a divorce and he said never will not happen. He does not want me to hang out with my friends late so no matter what I do I am in the wrong. I feel so alone and I try my best to keep busy by going to the gym or hanging with my son and friends but I miss and need my husband back. I suggested counseling and he said there is no reason when everything is good. I don't know what planet he is on but that is not good. We need help. I appreicate any suggestions.
I think its time for a nice vacation together. He is lost in some other world and a break might get him back.
You want the relationship to make him happy as you love him. There is a problem, he does not want to let you go or let you in. How do you find out what is going on and make it better. He says his brother not you is his first priority.
You have to do something to shake him up so he wakes up. Perhaps it is enough to go on vacation. If not tell him if things do not change you are leaving and tell him when. He is going to have to think what means what to him. Maybe you can babysit with him, if that is what he is really doing. But do something to shake things up. You can tell him honestly you love him but you cannot live this way and someone else would not find you invisible. He can change but he needs something to touch him.
Didn't you post on this same issue some time ago?
There is something wrong with this picture of this man who puts relatives before his own family.
Please get family counseling ASAP and if he does not go, go yourself.
(Does your son have special needs?)
Would like to ask eve007 question if I may: Do you ever suspect your husband is lying about anything? Does he ever scream or raise his voice when you ask him something? And, would you leave if you could afford it? Thanks