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He's more nice to the kids when i am not there.

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hi, i have to make it short or it will be long to explain all of it.

i have been with my fiance for 11 years and we have 3 kids, he is a nice dad when he want to. The things is when we have problems which is most of the time, he can't control himself when he's mad with me not so physically as it was before but just very scary, he get mad with me along with the kids be grumpy and shout all the time at every small mistake , he can go out for hours and come very late, even if he spent quite a long time away from the kids with all the trips that he does for work which he can go for months and the last one lasted 3 month and when he came back he admitted that he had finger a girl while he was drunk because i called him that week to tell him that i could not be with him anymore " so basically he was drinking he's sorrow".

"but by saying all that he can change some days with the kids can be fun, nice and spoil them with anything they want, 7 years ago he took time of work stays home for 8 month when we had our last kids for my sake because i had to get back to university right away".

When i have a trip which happen 2 times in history and each of them lasted 3 days he spent spoil them plays video game with them and sometimes go leave them to my sister.
and sometimes when i am he want only to stay with me and tell the kids to go watch tv or in their room.

We can go out as a family which happen not so often because of our jobs, but come home angry at each other which means he have to go out for hours, and i regret all this for my kids, but every time we don't sleep in the same room the kids are not happy and always says: mum you can't separate from daddy we don't want to be like some kids at our school they have to go to 2 houses every week and have step daddy and mummy.

We have tried to make it work, but there is always like this big elephant in the room i don't trust him because few years back he flirted with girls on *what'sup* and in real life he says as long that i don't sleep with them it's alright and I should be grateful that he's not like those men who go out every Saturday and i know he doesn't trust me either because i did sleep with a female friend a few years back which i had a real beating after i told him what had happen and could not says a word to him about anything after that because i committed the betrayal.

The things is every time i tell him we should go our separate way he became the man i once knew and when my guard are down he get back to going out late, not to club or nothing just to his friends house to relax i suppose and i hate that he smoke weeds which i found out only 2 years ago and a real chock but it has being going for i don't know how long, he hate the idea of separation because he says he love me but i am so tired of new crisis every year.
this is confusing.
so hit me guys if you understand my writing.

He's more nice to the kids when i am not there.

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You have a choice. Nothing is going to change so either you can have a half satisfying relationship for the children and make yourself happy with that or throw out the dice and take a chance on a happier life. He would certainly be a better father seeing the kids part time and paying child support. Maybe he would be nicer to you. The kids would adjust. But it is really up to you. You can count on him to flirt and probably sleep with other women. Well you have to let go and be happy with that. He is going to be that way if you are with him or without him. As for bringing down your self esteem by criticizing everything you do, well either you can blank that out and just think of other things or get out of the situation. He is obviously getting something out of it and will do what he will do. I don't know what that is. Perhaps it gives him a sense of control, a sense of power or whatever but he will not stop. I have the sense that you will stay because if you were going to leave you would have done so before it got this bad. If you stay you have to be realistic that this is what it is and make yourself happy with what you have.

He's more nice to the kids when i am not there.

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THANKS, for your honesty and you are right! it started with second chances... and kept forgiving because he will show remorse every time.

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