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I need Warm words to ´carry on´ in my relationship.

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Relationship advice I am a woman of 21 years old.
my bf/fiance is almost 26, and i really love him.
but he is terrible in finding a job... I have been earning the money for both us us for over a year now.

I will write the whole story.

We met 2013 - 21 of januari. very in love. everything went real quick. 2 months later I got a job offer. chief entertainer in a hotel in mallorca.

I worked here the year before as seccond entertainer.
that year, before i met by current bf. was a very interesting year. I met a guy and he took my virginity.
in a cave on the beach, full moon... i know it sounds unbelievable.
anyway he is musician. doesnt make a lot of money with it but lives well.
anyway this was just summer love 2 weeks. no relationship but it sure was love and now and then we still whatsapp. as friends. and we remind how nice that experience was to meet eachother.
till i met my bf i felt love-love for this guy who took my virginity. i now still love him but i am not ´ÍN´love with him.
anyway that summer i did party a lot.
i mean i had had sex for the first time and 1.5 month later after this guy left i missed sex... ofc always safe.

anyway later that season drama happened...the chief entertainer my first year there was a child abuser... is been said and still thought. one day a girl asked me if my boss was drunk last nigght, i told her i didnt know, but if she doesnt like anything she should write a note and give it to the reception. i told this to the parents aswel.
as the child told me he touched her and other kids their bums while dancing. (clothes on ofc)
i also told the parents that i did not tell them to write that note.
anyway later that day the manager came up to me and told me he got 5 notes with parents written down that the chief entertainer touched their chidrens bumms. complainment.
he asked me if i knew anything. so i told him what the child told me that morning and what i told her and her parents.
later that day when the chief and I just finished club dancing i went around to ask ppl to join darts and archery. nobody wanted to so i got myself a hotdog. (it was a all-incl. hotel and we could get anything anytime we wanted)
i ate it in the office like the chief and i often did. and then he came toward the office and started houting to me 8 meters away from me... Why are u eating ! u have to work !!! and Now GO TO YOUR ROOM I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU UNTIL I SAY SO !!!
i was astonished... shocked by his behavoir... but the look in his eyes... warned me and tipped me off what might be the cause of his strange behavoir. (cocain)he offer me a week before this happened when i declined he said he only made a joke. and told me he never ever tried any drugs...

Ofc he didnt know what was going on...i acted like i knew nothing from what happend...or maybe did not happen that night before.
anyway i went down the building a fast pass through...i left the hotel... on bare feet becaus i was to shocked and angry to go back to get my flip-flops. so i passed by the closest shop to get flip-flops. en went to the beach. then our boss from the entertainer busines called me. and sked about the notes...about the kids... i told him the same i told the manager.
and i told him how he has been drunk everyday. and acting strange since a few weeks.
i aslo told him that he just send me away with a unexplainable rage in his eyes.

anyway our boss told me to try to go back to the hotel and do the minidisco that night. so i went to the minidisco showroom.
nobody came... i went to the barmen who was a very good friend of mine. we also had a friends with benefit relationship. but just fun. and no worries between us. never. and he was always there for me. he helped me a lot. and so also this time. that night he told me it would be better if i stayed in backstage of the bar. where he wa serving. later i went to the toilet and passed by the minidisco room. 7 kids came in and told me how the police arrived in the reception and are going to arrest the chief entertainer... so i thought all was done and over. i acted completely normal and turned on minidisco music. etc...
and then...
all of a sudden he walked in. luckily i am/was entertainer and it comes antural to me to act... so i cted completely normal to him, then he asked why there are no chidlren and i came up with a fluid lie... that i heard that there is some kind of fiesta-party at the beach/park i thought that they are properly all heading toward that.

he nodded and quickly left the room and i saw him walk toward his room through the window when the hotel securety guy walked quickly after him. i could not see what happen then, it was not in sight. but i heard they locked him into his room.

And from the kids i heard he stood on his balcony and staring toward the kids.

Anyway the next morning he got arrested and went to court...
he had to go back to where he lived. and every week he had to check in with the police...
i was chief for a week after that and got a seccond entertainer under my command.
after that week a new chief came she was very nice to me and helped me to get over all that stress and happenings.
becaus after it happend i got allergies and ill very often... i gues stress...takes its toll...
anyway... in okt. i went home and 5 month after i got the call from the entertainmen big bos.
if i wanted to be chief this year.
a week after he sked me i searched for the last years chief. (the criminal) an talked to him, how court etc, went. he got free... no prents showed up at court...ppl think it was a trap from parents to get extra hilydays...and money etc... but one of the kids told me a story with eyes and emotion i will never forget. she told me how she came out of he pool looked for her parents (11 years old) and he walked up to her and asked what was wrong... she told him he was looking for her parents, he said let me help, she said nah im fine thanx. then he told her óke but wait i have something for you, and nodded her to walk with him, they went to the gymnastic room. and he closed the door when she walked in..and the curtain she sad down on a chair and he litterkly asked her for sex... this got me sooo confused... is i true ? and if it aint... what monstersof parents does she...and the other have ?¿
Anyway... he was innocent...court...judges said... he told me. and he also told me he is bettering his life. no drugs etc anymore. and he was sorry it happened. and told me how he has a daughter and he would never do something like that...
UGH ppl... i think by myself... anyway i till dont know what to believe but he told me he was close to palma...so i didnt need to worry.

I was 3 weeks together then with my bf/fiance, current and always love. when i got asked for this job...chief entertainer.



so anyway we went there becaus i couldn´´t leave him behind there is lots of work, so we thought.
he speaks spanish and english. as we both live south of spain.
and met eachother here too. 2 years after i moved to spain from holland.

anyway we went to mallorca and after 1.5 month he had his first job. only 2 days a week tho. and the owner of the club he worked in wasnt a fair and honest clean... person ...yes he got paid. but i didnt like this person. anyway. he went to work somewhere else after 3 weeks.here 6/7 days per week, very nice big bar with a pool...but after the 2 weeks tryout time he had to say goodbye. he wasnt good enough... bcaus he doesnt speak german...only a few words.

anyway... after he lost this job i made him ...and myself to sell tickets for another club... which didnt bring to much money in at all...and then one night our block with tickets got stolen... and we had to pay 100€ which is not true becaus we immediatly called the disco and they didnt let anyone in from the stolen numbers. everything fine and settled. but we worked for a person that worked for the disco-club. and not directly for the club...and he said we needed to pay him 100 and then he woukld pay the club another 100. then eveything would be fine. we never did this... becaus we couldnt basicly..becaus afte this ticket book got lost. my bf didnt do any work...and only went around with CV´s Once... for the rest he just gamed... when i was at work which was from 10 o clock in the monring till 1 then from 3 till 5/6 and then again from 8 till 12. but our apartment was 2 km away from the hotel...so my breaks where more walking then actual break...


anyway... i understand he didnt speak german so... there aint much point of searching a job... as a negative thinker... cant get any job anyway...

oke so we went back to spain... after he worked toptal 1.3 month and me 6. and the last month there i stayed in mallorca by myself and bought him a flight home. and then when i came back from mallorca his mom and him welcomed me in their house. becaus my mom told me i need to get myself on track and should not live with them again.


anyway...we stayed with his mom... until januari the 30th. me every saturday working in a bar where my mom worked. the saturdays are there always very busy i worked there from 8 am till 6 pm.

I talked to him about that he really hs to try to get a job… this a million times. i even made lists of advices how to get motivated...how to get to know yoursself. and how to give a good impression to ppl onme hands in a CV

and anyway in beginning februari i got a job. in a restaurant. it was nice i leanred quite a bit,. and after i got a bit of money i moved to the town where the restaurant was. first i moved there and lived on my own for 2 months orso. then i told him to come and hand in Cv´s

then after 2 months and a half i left the restaurant. it was too boring... ad i didnt get along to well with the cook...and i was simply too distracted...becaus i have adhd. and i kept forgetting taking my pills.

i took a 3 day break... then found another job at a campside... but didnt work out...i worked there..selfemployed... but the owner wasnt a very clean man either, althoug he is a nice person...but just not clean and proper... i found him jerking off one day...so yea... i left...

anyay ny bf/fince
came hand in some CVs and a week later he got a call... try-out days. in a restaurant. ...german...anyway the language wasnt a problem but he wasnt alert and fast enough... we have been warned tho from severeal ppl that this restaurant is really tough to work... very few ppl are good enough. so i wasnt upset with him at all. but told him not to give up and carry on looking...

when he got fired. on the way back home he passed by another restauant and gave them a CV it was a good meeting. and she told him as soon as they need someone she will cal. she called 4 days later that he could start.

this was august. sept. oktober. then the restaurant closed for winter stop...
me i started one day after i left the campside to work in a bike shop. very nice owners. and it is alright payd per hour. just not enough hours per month tho.

and until now since the restaurant he worked in closed for winter...and now they sell it... he didnt work .. not even hand in ONE CV
exactly so... i send some tests of ..
-what job suits you...
-do u know yourself
-How to get motivated

all those kinda things...

and now he told me I am his only motivation...and he told me he will do anything I say... becaus he cant change for himself he said... but he will for me.


nice..and ment well..from the heart...but not what i want…and can handle too well...and not the way it should be

i dont know how to make him love himself. i tell him lots of compliments and tell him how super telented he is very often... because if I don’t… no-one will i. I really have the feeling his mom NEVER actually put time into him, and to motivate him to talk about problems etc…an example is his lisp… my brother had a lisp too ! wghen he was 7 so my mom took him to logopedy or something like that. And every Wednesday and Friday he had to practise to talk without lisp. He is fine now… and also he used to be realllyyyy unpatiend and irritated very often. Also because I and my dad have adhd and my borhter add and pdd-nos (slight autism)
my mom got many appointments for my brother and me with psygologists. And it helped us a lot.
We understand ourselves quite well. And are not afraid to talk about problems or feelings…

My boyfriend didn’t get al this attention…his mom didn’t put any energy into him..this way.


But he is vEry talented...
Has a very good feeling for music…if a play a song ONCE for him he able to copy play it on guitar or piano…in 2 minutes…2 minutes is absolute maximum…
He is also very talented in drawing and painting...

he makes legisetas.. these are t-shirts with a personal and unique -drawing made by him. All hand made. And it takes a lot of time, for an amazing design.

Anyway I tried seceral ways to make him know himself…and how to improve…
But in the end he just ends up gaming on his pc again…

i told him to go to the docter get a apointment with neurologist. becaus i have adhd... and i think he might have add and a autism...not classic or heavy autisim... but some sort... but he still hasnt done this... i am telling this to him for the past year

and then everyone tells me to leave him...he aint gonna change.. they say.

that i deserve better... etc..etc…
anyway…

i DO love him...
…a lot ! 
and i want that he and we CAN reach goals
I want that we work…without me alays being out of ennergy...becayus io all our worries...

Last august… we told eachother our deepest secrets… and that night I basicly…indirectly asked him to marry me. A week later he took me to the beach and realle perposed to me. It was beautifull…
And I want us to work…
I want to have kids in a few years…and I would like to be able to take of work now and then… now I cant…we need every single hour…every single euro…
I cant even get all the medicines I need…
And emotinaly I am out… out of energy I cant give more energy to him…or anything…
I am empty…
Pls give me some warm words…the strength to carry on…
But don’t tell me to leave him…
Tell me how I can stay with him…how we can be together forever without me dying from stress and worries…

now i did find him another opurtunity...
a monthly paper here needs promoting, he needs to get ppl advertise in this paper. and try to get ppl ant to order leaflets.
the thing is this is 100% commision work. non hourly payment... no very unsecure...anywayhe seems otivated tho.
and i hope it works out... but it stil doesnt take away the fact he should learn who he is.
and how to keep motivated after ppl bring him down.
becaus also in this job ...8 ppl out of 10 will say no sorry we already advertise a lot.
and then maybe the 9th will say yes... i hope this wont bring him down..

ppl pls give me some warm words.
and yes i know he had this opurtunity now... but i think he should still seek for some regular job. with fixed hours. etc.

XX

I need Warm words to ´carry on´ in my relationship.

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Are you high?

I need Warm words to ´carry on´ in my relationship.

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Oh yeah all that you are saying is that he needs to get a job, any will do. Tell him.

I need Warm words to ´carry on´ in my relationship.

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Love him like he is - or leave him - or he has to change.

So . . . he seems very unmotivated and you seem obsessively over invested in him.

So . . . what one will it be?

PS You seem to have a lot of things going on in your life. Get away from the toxic people you come in contact with. They will make you even more anxious and unset than you are.

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