I don't undertsand what she's doing
So there's this girl, one of my friends. We've been very close for a very long time and I seem to have fallen for her completely. Duh.
I wasn't able to tell her for months because she was with someone else. I did tell her, however, when they broke up. Unfortunately, they got back together, shortly after this. This left me utterly demolished and drove me to the brink of suicide. But then they broke up again - for good this time. So I asked her whether she was willing to start rebuilding what we had (with the obvious intention of getting with her after some time) and she said yes. So we started seeing each other again, but she keeps acting weird. She often ignores me, blocks my calls. I told her to tell me if she doesn't want to do this anymore and tell me to stop trying. She said she didn't want me to go away. But she keeps acting like this and I don't know what to make of it.
"I seem to have fallen for her completely."
Yes - but SHE hasn't, so give her some time and space. She is taking it slow and apparently does not want to be rushed or suffocated. It sounds like she wants some time to get over her past and is just finding herself.
If she thinks this is a lopsided "rush', she will pull away.
From my experience I've learned to move on from this situations. They will always love the first one. You need to do is give her space till she is ready to talk to you all the signs she has are of someone that doesn't want to be involved with no one but needs a shoulder to cry, I hope I'm wrong but move on
No, she definitely doesn't love him anymore. She said she was completely disappointed and had enough of taking responsibility for everything and that she was fed up with the fact that her every decision has dire consequences, and she doesn't want to ruin any more lives. Also that she wasn't strong enough to start caring for someone else until she hasn't sorted out her problems yet.
I guess I really need to give her more time and space, but I couldn't help it, I've been waiting way too long for this and there's nothing else I'm really interested in. Also, I won't give this up if there's even the slightest chance for it to happen. And she said there was. So I think I'll just have to restrain myself a bit more and stop pushing so hard. It's going to keep killing me but that's something I'm willing to endure. Shit, I really fucking love her...