Facebook Banner 001

I caught my boyfriend with porn

Posted by
SPARKLE
on Apr 6 2005 at 16:58
Member since: 06 April 2005
S-e-x advice forum category advice forum category i found out that my boyfriends been using porn of course he denied it,until i showed him the evidence found on his computer,he then owned up and said he used it because he felt he wasnt expeirenced enought for me as hed never been in a sexual relationship before,and that it was part of his selfloaving, hes in his late 20s and im mid 30s,he has now got rid of his computer as he knew how much finding the porn hurt me i feel like im no longer a woman in his eyes,and he has a very low sex drive,im not sure if he uses porn to make himself sexually aroused, when i ask him why we dont have sex much he says he doesnt need it,and because of this i feel he is getting his kicks from porn elsewhere,he says his not and wouldnt look at porn again after how much its hurt me, i feel such a failure how will i ever know if im the right woman for him?is it normal for men to want porn in there life he says hes never felt good about porn it always left him feeling dirty,im so confused whats it all about?
Reply from
ANDYMAN
on Apr 7 2005 at 17:57
Member since: 15 September 2004
Well, it sounds as though your man has learnt his lesson, but you can never be sure. I know some guys who are married, and their wives aren't bothered about their husbands looking at porn. In fact, some couples enjoy looking at and watching porn together!

At the end of the day, he has given up his computer, and what kind of guy is happy to part with his gadgets unless there's a more important reason to do so? Don't let your self confidence be crushed by this incident.

Hannah

Reply from
PRECIOSA
on Apr 11 2005 at 02:30
Member since: 11 April 2005
I´ve been there sparkle,

I caught my bf watching porn and I squeezed his b...s. I know that wasnt right but my impulses took over.

We lasted 2 years together, he was in his mid twenties and we had awesome sex life.

I left him for many reasons and now we are friends and he´s told me he became addicted to sex and porn because of me and he was in the urge all the time.

Let me tell u, this is a lie. Men in general from what I´ve heard do not compare u with porn models at all, they watch it as an easy way to get turned on and release stress or blow all their fantasies.

This has nothing to do with you as a woman, I felt devastated because we were having amazing times together and he was still leaving me in bed, waiting for him while he watched porn.

I realised I wasnt the one with the problem at all. He was a voyeur and well there are many like these.

Do not let this affect your self steem, you are ok. I´d only suggest trying to speak up and perhaps watch it together, enjoy together, and also from your end to be keen to please him more.

Hope it works for

Reply from
SPARKLE
on Apr 11 2005 at 11:14
Member since: 06 April 2005
hi preciosa.

thanks for replying.

i did try to please him all the time i knew i was the one with more expierence but look where thats got us,no where now i feel like whats the point if porn does it more for him then i do,am i wrong?sorry if i sound bitter but its all kind of shatterd my illusions.

Reply from
A GUYS VIEW
on Apr 15 2005 at 11:48
Member since: 15 April 2005
From a guys point of view... its just something that we tend to do. Its nothing to do with you at all, you could be having amazing sex 10 times a day and we'd still look at it. And the fact that its dirty, thats just part of the attraction - its naughty!

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt though with his explanation. As he's never been in a relationship before he was probably trying to find 'what to do'? being in his late 20's its not like he can ask his mates for advice on this kind of thing! He wouldn't want to look like he didnt know what to do in front of you - that would kill his ego and make him feel even more inexperienced.

He may have a low sex drive, but I think that he's feeling insecure about his ability with you and thats probably why he says hes not that interested - he doesn't want to perform in case he's not good enough for you. porn is no threat to his performance or experience.

Try to encourage him, convince him he's doing the right things, hitting the right buttons!

Reply from
SPARKLE
on Apr 15 2005 at 14:36
Member since: 06 April 2005
thanks im glad to hear from a males point of view,ill keep it in mind what you have said and hope it helps in future.:)
Reply from
GAMERBILL
on May 27 2005 at 13:28
Member since: 27 May 2005
the driving force for porn is lust, a very easy thing to deal with, no commitment, love is harder, you have to put effort with love. I should know I have been struggling with porn myself, not finding any solution
Reply from
WONDERGIRL
on Jun 2 2005 at 22:56
Member since: 02 June 2005
i know how you feel i came to this web site tonight because during the week i went to bed and my boyfriend was having a bath and i thought hes wanking bet hes got porn in there and i looked about tonight and hey yeh... im hurt wots wrong with me he didn't do that when we met i dont know hwat to do or think i dont look like those girls or act like that but i like sex now i know why he doesnt want it as much as me hes getting it somewhere else im mad this is definately affecting his sex drive
Reply from
SPARKLE
on Jun 3 2005 at 12:02
Member since: 06 April 2005
hi wondergirl,

sorry to hear its happernd to you also i understand your pain,i got to the stage that ive ended up on anti depressence,however after a month of being on these tablets im seeing things clearer.

im beginning to relise its not about me and whats the point in worrying myself silly about him watching porn,i see my boyfriend has sufferd just by the fact that i know his dirty secret,have you told your boyfriend you know?

please dont worry yourself about it ive learned that im bigger and better then that,im not the one with the problem.

one day i'll probably laugh at the state i got myself into over this and hopefully one day youll feel the same but please if you need someone to chat to about this ill try and help you how others have me,

take it easy sparkle.........

Reply from
DEAN
on Feb 5 2006 at 13:11
Member since: 05 February 2006
Speaking from the male point of view, pornography is not a personal thing of any sort. Men are slaves to their prostate glands. The more the gland produces, the more the man has buildup and the more the man has to relieve the pressure. Imagine if you had a little balloon inside of you that when filled to some specified point, caused you to think of nothing else but sex... would that be something you'd want to have? Of course not.

Pornography is a simple means to an end. Don't read anything else into it or you'll go nuts. Men masturbate to pornography. That's about all there is to it. There is no emotional attachment to it. Men are visual, women are less so. Men don't love their wives/girlfriends any less because of nude photos. Men usually begin masturbation to photography at an early age and it sometimes never goes away. It's a private matter, not something the man wants his spouse to be aware of... "Honey, I'm going to masturbate. I'll be right back." In a way, ! be thankful there is pornography - how many men would be seeking actual sexual experiences elsewhere if it didn't exist?

Reply from
ROB
on Jun 25 2006 at 12:06
Member since: 25 June 2006
i dunno if this is any help but think of it this way a guy looks a porn for many reasons but think of it this way you can do alot more to him then wot porn could ever do.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?