Relationship inquiry. I'd appreciate sound advice
I am kind of stumped on what to do or how to feel exactly.
My long-distance man and I, that I've known for 5 months, were undergoing some relationship stress for some time, it was pretty consequential, one thing after the other, and one thing led to another and then one day he mildly disrespected me verbally (he assumed and concluded I cheated on him because I wasn't answering one question that he kept asking, but I didn't answer for a different reason and not because I was disloyal), and when I cleared it up he felt really bad about what he assumed and said to me, then I declared that it was over but really I was just upset and wanted to cool off and also see what he would do in our time apart; he was contacting me the following days and then one day, few days after that heat, I message him about something only to find out that he was leaving his country to go to another place (still wanting to be in touch with me, said he misses and loves me, and one desire being that he will try to get closer to me in distance [whether that was true or not it's hard to say at this point]). It was so unexpected because he didn't tell me about his plan before the day of leaving (and he wasn't planning to either from what it sounded like, I don't think. Can you imagine if I hadn't messaged him that day? I wouldn't have known where he is for days) and that really hurt considering how he always said he loves and cares about me with most of his actions backing his words up. I was shocked at his impulsive action. I couldn't understand it. I still fully don't. I had to wait over 10 days until I got some answers and I told him how I felt about it all, he was ready to travel back for me twice but due to a couple of reasons he wasn't able. I told him I wouldn't accept being in contact with him like this, that I couldn't be in his life while he was in a new place because of how he left. We could never be okay because I know myself. Having had my share of negative experiences in relationships before, this didn't help at all. So, last week I made it clear that I wouldn't accept this at all and he would have to live his life without me unless he cared enough to find a way to go back for us so we could fix this and save us. He kept hoping he could save us while he was at this new place, I think. I was silent for 5 days waiting after making it clear, and in those 5 days he was missing me terribly and kept asking me to give him a chance, etc. He kept messaging and calling daily and often. I can be stubborn and wanting of my ways, but it's only because I know my worth and respect myself enough now to not allow myself to go through something I don't deserve to put up with in the first place and so I stuck by my word and reminded him of the ultimatum this week and asked him if he was going back or not. He was free to stay there, but there was no chance for us. I made it very clear and that I felt I deserved differently. After having read my message, he then said he is going back and will contact me once he arrives there. Honestly, I am relieved, but I am still pretty hurt by all this. I don't like that he put us in this situation to begin with. My question is, is what he did something I should accept? I am halfway through on the bridge of forgiving, and now that he is on his way back I have pretty much accepted it, but I know there will be a lot to talk out with him before things go back to normal. I just want to know if this was right or not, having left like that without telling me his plan especially when we have an honest bond, and sure I was upset, but still you would think he would have wanted to tell me. He did say on the day he was leaving his country that he wanted to tell me but he was afraid that I'd tell him I don't care and that he can do what he likes. I don't know how true that is. I personally don't think he handled it well, but I would like to know someone else's perspective, someone else to shed some light on this.
I understand if he is going back for me now then that must mean he really loves and wants me.. but the fact that this situation even rose and he left like that has me feeling hurt, doubtful, and just wishing it didn't happen. I don't want someone to think they can do this and I will be okay with it given time, that's primarily the reason I wanted him to go back so that he knows I will not accept that kind of disrespect, that kind of behavior, especially with him being in this new place. I also wanted him to go back because it's easier to deal with knowing he is back where we left off before he took off like that; there's something comforting about it, I guess. Psychology sure is interesting. I know it sounds a little controlling, but I honestly did leave the choice to him towards the end. Was it a fair choice I gave him? I don't know. All I know is that it wasn't deserving to go through what I did and so it was bound to come down to that.
I don't like having to give someone I care about a "this" or "that", but he created this situation in the first place by not taking my feelings into consideration. That for me is rough to digest. Some people in my place would probably try to talk it out and patch things up with the man without them having to travel back, most people probably, I don't know, but I get affected differently and I also deal with it differently, I expect the man to go the extra mile, I don't like the unexpected from someone I thought I was sure wasn't able to do that to me or at least behave that way, especially after having come out from my previous emotionally and verbally-abusive relationship.. I now hold a lot of respect for myself and expect nothing less than what I deserve and makes me happy. I strongly believe in companionship and deciding things together, taking another person's feelings into consideration, whether we're happy or having our low points. This reminded me of something my ex would do, he used to be very impulsive, he would assume just about anything, conclude it on his own, then make his own decision on what to do next that is positively consequential to him alone, and leave in a situation. So you can see how this scenario would affect me. It bears some mild hints of similarity. The only difference and an imperative one is that with my ex I would have to chase him and remind him of my worth, while with this man he doesn't think of leaving ME, I don't have to chase him and he knows my exact worth.
I just don't know how to feel about this. I am also not looking forward to whatever he and I will need to talk out, because it will only hurt and when things don't make sense to me it's pretty uncomfortable. But it will be something that needs to be done and that's fine.
I will appreciate your honest thoughts, even if you find me wrong at certain instances. I need insight. I need advice. I would like to know how someone else views and thinks about this situation, as well as how you would handle it had you been me, because it isn't very easy to see this objectively while clouded with mixed emotions. If something isn't clear or you have a question that can further help you in answering me, please don't hesitate to ask.
Thank you all, so much, for taking the time out to read this. I really appreciate it.
You have your values and standards and you expect the man to go the extra mile while in a relationship but you have a choice as to who you have a relationship with just as he has...it's that simple.
Furthermore, his actions have spoken and you need to look at that rather than worry about whether he will go the extra mile. You state he wants you but ask yourself if you NEED him. Going by your post, you don't trust him and you question his honesty. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.
5 months is very early days and long distance relationships(even those after years of marriage)are difficult enough to maintain without having doubt creeping in at such an early stage.
Agree. And in terms of the nitty-gritty detail, I'm afraid it sounds very much like...
During that stress, he lost faith in you being 'the one' (or perhaps was never intending you to be the one?) and started cruising behind your back - I'm betting, online - where he met someone who lived in that destination he later flounced off to. The time arrived for him to have to 'seal the flirting' by paying her a visit. So, him knowing how you tick (at what point you blow up), he started trying to start an argument so that - hopefully with it escalating to you losing your rag - he'd have justification to flounce out or be thrown out before going AWOL just for long enough for said visit.
This unfortunately NOT uncommon scenario explains why, when you were failing initially to take the bait in terms of taking enough offense at his 'mild' verbal abuse, he continued to push and push and prod and prod...until - ta-daa! - you lost it and declared the relationship OVER. At that point, he didn't even have to follow his preconceived plan to yell, "That's it, I'm leaving!". Then, when you finally caught up with him, he had seeming justification (hmm, not much) to say "I'm going out of town because I need to get away from you/the situation!". It also explains: why it was 10 whole days; why you barely heard from him the whole time; why two plans to come back and see you fell through; and why he needed to keep you warm and waiting the whole time (in case the experiment with new woman proved fruitless and he needed to 'come back' to you); and, of course, once you made it clear you wouldn't wait around, why he started to try really hard to persuade you into doing so (by phoning every day).
He didn't tell you about his plan because he hadn't counted on you re-making contact that soon..thought he could keep it under wraps.
If he is 'coming back for you' then, in light of the above fitting pattern, it can only either be because [a] the experiment HASN'T worked (she didn't light his candle enough) or [b] she did and he's telling her some story about why he has to go back home for a while. If it's B then you can bet your bottom that in another however many weeks from his return he'll need to start ANOTHER fight or find some OTHER reason to have to go away again.
This is a common scenario with some long-distance relationships. Some people propose/accept one just because they want the distance to help prevent them from going too fast to be longer-term healthy, whilst others think it'll make two-timing that much easier. But obviously if the former seems not to be going to plan with an originally honourable intention, some, rather than be gentlemen and say so and end it, try to phase you out as they phase another woman in (or indeed, keep the two relationships simultaneously and a secret from each woman).
The only other realistic alternative is that this guy wants to shake your confidence and sense of security so damn much you'll never properly stand up for yourself again (meaning he'll get his way the entire time with you not daring to protest in case he re-abandons you) that, to achieve this goal, he's prepared to go away or even PRETEND he's gone away for that length of time. That type is even worse than the two-timer, IMO, because it's machinatingly emotionally manipulative to a gobsmacking degree that screams MERCENARY.
Whichever way you look at it - even if, SOMEHOW, his little trip was entirely innocent and he's just an immature, drama king - it stinks. It is NOT how an intellectually and emotionally mature man deals with disagreements with his partner or even her calling the relationship over in the heat of the moment. Especially not when she was pushed. The thing to do in that circumstance is to remember that things get said that aren't meant during barnies, wait a day or two for the woman or yourself to calm down, and then reapproach her with the intention of sorting out the cause of the clash so that it can't ideally happen again or will get handled more calmly and respectfully.
To do what he did was emotionally downright CRUEL. So, no, sorry - this guy does NOT 'really love you'. No man who loves another person could put them through that kind of ordeal (in the context of her heart being in his hands, I mean). He really loves *himself* and, possibly, loves you simply whenever you're making him feel good. If ever you're not? You get treated like a nothing whose feelings and emotional welfare mean diddly squat. But obviously, types like this wait until they believe they're secure enough to think they'll get away with it.
You mention psychology being interesting. Is it a relationship you want or a study guinneapig? Because you've got a right specimen here!
When is the so-called debrief meeting? Will it be in-person?
I suggest when it happens, you try saying, you "feel" his whole overreaction and behaviour to that episode fits too disturbingly with 'girl in another port'; "did he visit someone"?...and see what he says. Try to say as little as possible - do NOT feed him clues with endless questions - just that one - so that he blathers to fill the uncomfortable silence. The more he panics at you just LOOKING AT HIM, WAITING with your best Poker face, the more likely it is he'll panic and blurt out something he didn't mean to.
I must thank you both, sincerely, for handing your time out to read all I wrote.
I have to admit, I have posted this issue here and on a couple of other places online and a total of 3 people have pointed towards another girl being in the scenario or him not wanting me or him having a right to see other people seeing we're in a LDR, so basically another girl in the scene. It's baffling, though I have had a few doubts here and there regarding how he handled things, but it pressures me to ask you, Soulmate, considering your response was very thorough and appreciated (it's the kind of break-down I look forward to in a response, honestly speaking, so I was very grateful for how you saw it and considered my every point and gave your insight; it made me realise my thoughts aren't always far-fetched), that, what exactly was it I wrote in my previous post that gave you the notion there may be someone else in the picture? I am rendered pretty curious, because truth be told, I never quite concluded to see it that way, and I suppose it could be because you're looking at this as a third-person and not invested in emotions of the relationship as I currently am. I would like to know however what is it that made you strongly feel that might or could be it.
Honestly, I have a lot of thoughts regarding our issue and after absorbing your feedback it does make me re-think certain things and it explains a couple of things, namely why he suddenly took off and why his second plan to go back for me failed (because I know why his first plan to go back failed through, something I cannot divulge on here as it's personal), but again these are assumptions. I am not trying to defend the situation, boy not at all, or stay put in denial of some sort, but I wasn't very detailed about everything that's been going on before his trip and even after his trip. He had told me when he explained that he was very tired with all the stress between us and felt it would be better to move and work hard considering his previous job wasn't a good pay as it is and he had this opportunity so in that flight of moment he pursued it in hopes that it would also be beneficial to us (a better pay meaning enough money to save up and fly out to meet me and cut the distance to eradicate the problems we were having, his thoughts), not word for word but quite like it as that's what he was trying to say. I didn't mention to you that he didn't fly out just anywhere, he traveled by road to a bordering country, it was his only choice, for going to the neighboring place is where his new job would have been taking place plus two of his sisters live there. He also contacted me at every chance he got en-route through different mobile numbers (but situation-ally he couldn't explain everything then, so I didn't get some clear answers till after), it took him 10 days because he didn't arrive at his destination until then due to some problems (that I again would prefer not to discuss here) on his way there not to mention the duration when traveling by road. What I CAN say though, just to give you a better sense of things, he is from the Middle East and he is a refugee. Once he arrived at his sister's, he contacted me nearly every day in every possible way.
I may have trust issues, but it doesn't seem like he is the kind to go through with two-timing someone. I know quite a bit about him enough to know he isn't capable of living that sort of a lie. If he went for another girl, he seems to be the kind that would actually tell me it isn't going to work and he would call it off regardless of whether he heard from me after that last fight or not. Just a day before he traveled and the day before that he told me how much he loves me and he kept feeling awful for disrespecting me in that one message few days prior. He kept messaging hoping I would respond, so him not counting on my re-making contact that soon doesn't quite apply. Someone must have real big issues to feel so strongly for one person and invest their time in them while trying to entertain another relationship, and I know it, I have experienced it with my ex, and this man is far from my ex. This doesn't match the character that I am familiar with. He would also hate and it would pain him to know that something may not be okay with us or if I had enough of some stress or if he felt I was upset, so it doesn't seem like a person like that would try to instigate a fight just to justify whatever he wanted to do and to get away. Also, to clarify, he never really disrespected me before that one message of his when he thought I must be cheating. While granted he should not have said some of the things he said in that message which led to the heat, but there was a lot between us that led to him saying that because my words and actions did make it seem like there might be someone else in my life, honestly speaking, and if I was in his place at the time I would have assumed and concluded the same thing, and it wouldn't mean I was disloyal to him.
One other thing, I had made it clear to him, perhaps not very, while he was still en-route to his sister's, he was on the road at a stop-over and we were talking on the phone and I was crying and he knew how angry I was at what happened and he was very serious and told me he was going back that very evening. And why that plan failed through is something I cannot share, but I can assure you without a doubt that it was a logical explanation considering his circumstance (which only I know) and he wasn't able to head back. It's not something that he made up and I believed, it logically made sense.
So perhaps I wasn't detailed enough before, and it can get deeper, but that's simply because I wanted to gist it up so that it wouldn't be too long to read and I wanted to simply give off the idea of what happened and see what people's thoughts were.
However, I am still open to the fact that I could be wrong about him because I also believe that you can't truly know someone unless you have met them and lived with them a while, so there's every possibility what you feel and I somewhat feel could be true, but whether it is the truth or not I know time will tell, and real soon. As I said, the only two things that make me wonder is why he couldn't at least tell me that he is going on this trip, regardless of what I may say to him, seeing if he was going so he could work harder and he still cares about me, you would think he would at least tell me no matter how upset I was at him after that fight. And secondly, why is it when the second time he told me he was trying to go back again he didn't then go through with it and gave a reason that didn't seem to be of a problem to him when he tried going back the first time (while he still hadn't reached at his sister's). It doesn't make a lot of sense. Perhaps he was caught up on what his family might think now that he was in their presence and wished that I would make it easier on him and work it out with him while he was there. It's a possibility, but again, God knows, and time will surely tell.
I am thinking if there is NO other girl and he honestly didn't have the intention to shake my confidence or sense of security hence going away, it would leave us with his travel being innocent and that he didn't maturely handle the situation well, both intellectually and emotionally (which somewhat answers my first wonderment; that is, why he just left without filling me in on his plan), which again still brings to light the fact that his behavior was very undeserving, as you said "emotionally downright cruel" and I actually agree, it was. I was in a lot of confusion and pain that first week he traveled. That alone is a ship that has hit the rocks because I know I don't deserve that, but I would like to know of anything that I am unaware of from him first. We have not met in person before, so the de-brief is going to be via text format or over the phone as soon as he gets back home. It's going to be this following week. I actually appreciate your suggestion on how I should go about it when he and I do converse and I think I definitely will go with it. I am sure it will draw the entire truth out.
I am not ruling out your first thoughts on my situation AT ALL. I can't, because practically speaking it stands as a possibility, doesn't make it true, doesn't make complete sense, but a possibility nonetheless. I had a lot of thoughts before I read your response and after reading, I still have a lot of thoughts, and I found myself in the past couple of days having bouts where I just thought I'd cut him off and start moving on with my life because even if it comes down to it and it's just that he didn't handle the situation well, it was still far from right and something I don't feel comfortable to accommodate, so I kept thinking, "what's the point? I may as well just close this door", but we have obviously had something and cared for one another, I still do and I know he does, and only I know how he felt recently, was pleading for us, and was in pain.. that to just throw it away not batting an eyelash on pure assumptions/thoughts (even if some sound sensible enough) and not concrete evidence or at least from the horse's mouth is something I don't wish to risk; because there is an equal possibility and chance that all of this could be innocent like a part of me feels. I would rather have the de-brief and keep it simple like you suggested and hope that nothing but the truth stands out. If there's anything else that you can suggest that could also help, I am all ears.
It's a little difficult finding evidence when you are in a LDR, trust is vital, as with relationships that are not LDR, so I am betting on the horse's mouth here. More importantly, the truth can never be hidden for too long, and I have my utmost faith in God so I am confident He will lead me to it.
I once again thank you for your input on all of this. I can't get over how you pecked your way into the whole situation, broke it down, and expressed the prime possibilities. It's impressive, to say the least. It's what I needed actually, so for that I am grateful. I do look forward to what you have to say after having read this and your answer to my first question: what is it in my last post that gave off the notion there might be someone else? because I am right now trying to think if someone else had posted that and I read it, would I have thought there's another girl in the scene? I don't think so. I would just think it was emotionally very wrong/I actually like the word "cruel" here and immature and that though he wanted her he probably just thought of himself at that given moment, doesn't make it right no, and I would feel the girl deserves better, but if they really cared for each other then they would both be better off talking it out honestly and with an open mind and take it from there, but for her to never settle for anything less than what feels right and what makes her truly happy.
Hur-hur, you don't have to thank me for being long-winded and microscopically detailed. It comes naturally.
But what gave me the notion there was someone else was, it fits a range of patterns within the general spectrum (I know cheaters of all degrees, back-to-front and front-to-back as well as daters with any personality and whatever baggage). I've seen and met 'him' before, in other words (or certainly as you described him and the events chain). And especially the classic of starting a fight, insisting on revving it up, and then..what a great excuse to flounce off in order to see the mistress to warm her back up into waiting around again. Seen it so many times I've never bothered to empty the bullets from my gun, LOL. (Sorry - Black Humour.)
That's right, I'm not invested so I don't have my heart trying to make me deny it for fear and avoidance of heartache. But, listen, if you're trying to find a way to two-time, OF COURSE you're going to paint your sudden need for absence as being geared toward improving and benefitting the relationship, or even use legitimate side needs as if they're suddenly imperative. *Especially* if you did so with zero warning. So I wouldn't listen to what could be mere spin. I mean, "I'm doing X for us" is as "I'm doing Xs for us" *does* - which includes missing you too much not to follow through on the 2nd planned visit when the first has already fallen through. A relationship needs constant, meaningful contact (or a meeting PER SE, in your case!). And men are very territorial and possessive, never more so than when falling in love (which at a piddly 5 months he still should be). So what you should be focused on is the indisputable fact that this modern-day caveman seemingly isn't sufficiently worried about leaving you vulnerable to other advances (*overly* vulnerable, thanks to him).
Turn it around: would YOU have wanted that length of absence if you had any choice and say in the matter? Even if, wouldn't you grab with both hands any opportunity thereafter to provide yourself with relief from the agonising pain of separation? Visits aside, you'd certainly call every SINGLE day, WITHOUT FAIL, and would want to chat aka be close for HOURS in order to get the equivalent to being together in-person. So there you go. Also, you've only known him 5 months so it's not exactly realistic, even if in that time you had been living with him, for you to reckon you "know" he wouldn't two-time or "isn't the type", is it. Nothing is set in stone...Things change = feelings, decisions, actions change. Plus the 3/4/5th month is an highly common, first danger (or fatality) point for new relationships, so the timing fits as well.
And that you might have given indication of YOU having someone on the side would only exacerbate any thus-far dormant idea of his to do (his perception -) likewise. That in itself is enough to turn a "never-never" merchant into a cheater or attempted cheater.
The thing to do, though, if you have doubts about whether he is or isn't or is merely hoping to and making conducive moves in the general direction, is to ignore the words and the zero/low-effort/short-spanning actions and just look at the bottom-liner, lasting/affecting actions...The meaty ones, the repetitive ones, the sustained ones, the ones with definite consequences. Like the prodding, the overreactive relocating instead of concentrating on wanting to talk it all through for hours having seen you weren't not talking to him, the failure to visit x 2, etc.
Saying all of that, however - I'm a calculator: sum in, total out. If there are meaty positive actions to counter the negative ones that you aren't divulging here, then what you're basically doing is asking me to add 2 + 2 + 3 + 2, meaning, the answer 9 is a false one that fits a false reality courtesy of the absence of certain extenuators and myriad nuances ...i.e your actual components are 2 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 4 = 13. Capiche? So, no, given that situational enlightenment, I can't now hand-on-heart say I'm 100% correct in my strong suspicion. So if you want certainty more than not, you're going to have to supply the rest of the missing data (remembering that you're anonymous and your situation by no means unique on this forum or any).
If not, my advice is to insist on that debrief *urgently* (or expect him to do so) and/OR, if he declines or drags his feet, insist on a short but definite, formal separation featuring ***zero*** contact. It's like watching a crystal vase wobbling precariously atop a table after having been knocked. If it's going to fall and you can't reach to steady it, then LET IT. Ditto if it's destined for settling. You want to see what he's made of in terms of how much he loves and wants you, independent of your will. If on the other hand you try to exert your control and influence, you're basically going to be to whatever degree subverting the natural outcome - this case and context, puppeteering him, meaning, whatever results came partly from you and what YOU want (having a relationship partly with yourself). You already KNOW you love and want you, don't you. What you want to see is HIS feelings and attitude towards you, your relationship and relationships generally, IN MOTION. (Making sense?) Give him the stage, in other words, and let him wow you (or not) so that you can know exactly where you stand and thereby what or what not do about it next.
You're justified in doing so anyway from a passive = ladylike point of view because... his having executed actions that agreed/aligned with you two being over (going away + not having said in black & white in his texts/phonecalls, 'we're still a couple, right?'
- in other words, by having made your mere mid-argument decision REAL - he effectively shunted the pair of you right back to Square 1 or 2. This means that the relationship, stage-wise, is back in (wait for it) *The Chase + Wooing* as precedes the wooing to keep you...and that's THE MANS' JOB, something they enjoy (the challenge). So leave it entirely to him. He managed to get you to begin with so he can easily - nay, MORE easily! - do it again, can't he... he knows exactly how. All you have to do is be receptive to suit, i.e. show either encouragement or (subtle) disapproval/displeasure. Think of yourself as Simon Cowell and him the auditionee. He's got to re-impress you on various levels so that you WANT him back as your steady boyfriend and not accept other offers. Yes?
Because here's the rub, the biggest, most meaningful action/lack of of all (or jointly if you take into account the lack of territorialism): when two people are right/meant to be together, they always, ALWAYS, each think and act *like teammates". Either member of a two-personed team does NOT take unilateral decisions like he did, and certainly not to that incredible extent. They inform, consult, negotiate, agree, double-check, and THEN take the sanctioned action. So what we DO know *as a fact* already, is that he is not at this juncture thinking of you and he as teammates in Project TogetherLong-term or TogetherForever, BERBOM. So you do have an intrinsic and fundamental problem whichever way you look at it.
Give him a taste as closely as possible of life without you (to point of, no longer exist and possibly never did). If he prefers it, he'll increasingly gravitate away and not return. If he hates it, like a lover in love should/would, he'll come home, 'wagging his tail behind him' (ref Little Bo Peep). Separation clarifies the muddled and vacillating minds like nothing else (save for one of you having an accident and ending up in Intensive Care, of course).
If he is, intrinsically, deep-down, still in love with you and still thinking long-term, save for what maybe is currently just a giant wobble and/or underhandedly unacceptable test of your self-assertion or pliability, now and therefore into the future, then a proper separation-ette (with an agreed and definite reunion date) will be your godsend. Instead of influencing the crystal vase, what you're instead doing is REORIENTATING THE TABLE IT SITS WOBBLING ON, BRINGING IT UP TO *MEET* THE VASE (and unseen from UNDER the tabletop so that afterwards he can get to share the credit thus save masculine face)...Clever, huh.
I recommend 6 weeks max, 4 weeks min. It'll be hard on you but easier in the long run Amen; short-term pain for long-term gain, the only intelligent aim of the truly intelligent animal.
That's the thing with separation: the reality of it, and quite often the result, bears zero resemblance to our negative feelings, fears and imaginings about it all.
But if he doesn't LIKE you having doubts and suspicions or insisting on a separation-ette, let's remember that the power to STOP both them and your corresponding decision is entirely in his hands, n'est pas.
PS: "and I have my utmost faith in God so I am confident He will lead me to it". If god has any involvement at this depth of detail then it's purely from a physical law aspect because truth is an inflated football held under the surface of the sea. Arm muscles give out eventually or a surprise wave or undercurrent knocks it out of the hands or waves unbalance the ball-cacher.... truth outs as inevitably as morning follows night, meaning, it's merely a case of WHEN, not if. And that's the other beauty of a mini separation. TIME PASSING whilst not expending your energy too much (certainly no such NEW demands), meaning, if ultimately it's bad news, you have the wherewithal to cope *and* get back on another new horse more quickly (if you want), and if it's good news, you have the wherewithal/energy to act accordingly. Win/win, no lose.
PPS: If, however, you want to know what *I personally* would be doing right now? I'd get back onto the dating site, courtesy of this attitude: You snooze? YOU LOSE, PAL! And 'snoozing' includes his having after the fact SAID he went on that trip 'for the relationship' despite having (ACTIONS!) denied you your right to 50% of that decision to go on that 'trip' as the walking-talking other half (of that relationship).
Say it with me: OTHER MEN WANT ME SO EITHER PEE OR GET OFF MY HALF OF THE POT, MATE! :-p