I need some more advice please, help!!
Im a 25yrs old girl
i'm sick and tired of being hurt from my ex girl-friend after our breakup now we are only friends and we live together, we have had many fights over nothing honestly when I'm talking to her she'll always be complaining about why I'm talking, or if we're having just a normal conversation out of no where she stops and says that I don't need your opinion and you don't need to talk (first time that happened is was like a slap in the face) I was shocked honestly, and confused at the same time ... She knew that it was her fault and that she did hurt me, I just didn't say anything after an hour she came apologizing to me...When I first moved in with her after 2months that we've been having arguments about the smallest little thing you'll imagine she told me congratulations you've completed the task of dealing with the most difficult person you'll ever meet in your life and that I haven't seen nothing yet.... I still love her to death tho and I don't want to lose her as a friend either ... She wants to talk whenever she wants to talk, she wants to hangout whenever she wants to do so...she's never interested friendly on nothing that I do, no one that I see nothing that talk about in general But it's always weird and awkward being around her, the only thing I try to do is keeping my self distant so I won't get hurt by not talking to her unless if she says something because If I try making just a small normal conversation with her as friends, sometimes she won't respond (ignores me) or gives me an evil look... I just don't know why she's treating me so badly, I feel so sick, I don't know what do to do, she's effecting my life physically and mentally, from what I experienced with her so far is to expect the worse to come out from her, meaning that she will bite me anytime, and possibly out of no where so as of right now, I'm keeping my self distant from her, by not talking to her unless if she needs or asks for something, she's really moody one minute she's normal and fine then in not a manner of a second she can totally change and starts acting so weird, but I always remain the same respect for her.
I'm scared of her honestly, I don't know why my heart starts being so fast when shes around and it's causing me so much stress, I started having panic attacks and feel nauseous when shes around... I know it's definitely unhealthy to live in such an environment like this at all but I'm still sticking around because I moved in to help her as a friend with rent at first place...
I thought about moving out, I told her and she got paranoid and said no I don't want to loose you as a friend and I'm trying to work this out...
For a fact I know that she won't find anyone who can deal with her bad temper, this is why I'm still around and trying to find a solution...
But this is driving me crazy and I feel like it's affecting and ruining my life in so many ways.
What to do? I need help please?
Your girlfriend controls you by being moody. She is a manic depressive and you are making it worse by showing her how- why you got caught up in it I do not know. Can you imagine raising children with that? Even if you don't want to adopt, move out and for god sake work on getting you back together. Ignore her saying she is working on her behavior. She is making you a mess. At least you will appreciate a calm next girlfriend.
ALright, I can totally put myself in your shoes with this. I've been in a somewhat similar situation of feeling an obligation to my ex, who doesn't really care, to be the good friend and there for them, and was always feeling afraid to stand up for myself because somehow I always end up feeling like I overreacted. It is unhealthy, but I understand you not wanting to get out. She obviously has something going on that she's not completely sharing with you, and you're receiving the backlash. The best thing you can do is be aware of this, and sensitive to her situation. Understand that there's a reason for her to act this way. and maybe its something you did, maybe its something you didn't do, or maybe it has nothing to do with you at all and you're just the one she takes it out on. If you're not willing to walk away, get her in the talking mood. Oftentimes the truth comes out during a fight, and after it eases up people feel like talking.
For me, I have discovered this self-defense mechanism of turning off your emotions. It can make you a cold person, but it also saves you pain. The good thing is, it's always available to undo and you can go back to being emotional when the time's right. For me, it's just a decision, when I'm faced with a decision I make the cold one and eventually it comes naturally. It's just a subconscious awareness that stays in the back of your head, and it's to be used with caution. Sometimes not feeling can let good things pass you by, I let a person go who I could've been great with because I refused to feel. But, this mechanism could work for you if she's making you hurt as badly as she is.
You could also try some self confidence boosters such as working out, dieting, buying new clothes, getting a new hairstyle, or even just counting your good qualities as a person and all of the things she's missing out on by not appreciating you.
The most important thing to realize is that she has something going on, figure it out, have an open conversation with her about it. If you're miserable, don't be. And don't let her damage your self-esteem, know your worth.
Her temper is something that she has to learn to control. You can't keep being around her, because she's just using you as a target to unleash her anger onto. You're not the best person to be dealing with her anger, since you're being deeply affected by it.
Don't deal with her anger by yourself, because what if she goes into rage-mode over something small, like a piece of burnt toast?! Then you might get injured. She might even have manic depressive disorder like what the commenter !!! has mentioned. People who are angry can become violent and dangerous to others and themselves, so I suggest that you don't go at it alone.
I guess she could see a professional about her anger. But that's up to her I guess, but I think it would be best for her if she does.
But if she becomes a danger to you, then that's a different matter and it's something that you shouldn't be a part of.