Relationship or education?
I have been dating an absolutely amazing man for over nine months now. He has made it clear he wants to get married, at some point in our future. I am currently attending a university, and he is in the air force. The drama in our lives is this: he recently was personally recruited for a much better air force job in California (across the country). It would amazing for him momentarily and career wise. He wants me to go with him, of course, which would involve me leaving with two years of university left, giving up scholarships, relationships with professors etc. I could potentially go to school out there however. And so, I have a choice. I can go with him, giving up one significant life path for him. If I don't do that, I have to break up with him - I know he won't take the job unless I go with him or we're over. I think making him choose between me and the job will be something I would feel guilty about for a long time, especially if we don't work out sometime in the future, so I can't let that be an option. I would like to think I'm not too naive - I believe our relationship could work out well, not just because of love. I don't know if there is a "right" answer, but I would love any advice or new ways of looking at the problem.
What "significant path" are you giving up for him? You can go to school in CA without skipping a beat. Seek out future scholarships or let him pay.
HE wants to get married but you seem ambivalent. Nowhere do you say how you feel about him.
Sure this isn't a reason to break this thing off? 9 months is not that long.
You're absolutely right, on all of your points. Nine months isn't that long...but it is the longest I've dated anyone and kept on liking them more, rather than the other way around. This might be an excellent reason to break things off - we won't have the "right time, right place" anymore, for one, and we are both young. I think the thing is, neither one of us are ready for this to end - we just plain enjoy each others company way too much, and the idea of losing that is...well, difficult, to say the least. I suppose the other part of this is my family,who I am close to. They would have a very hard time accepting "following a man" across the country. Their opinion does matter to me - and I want to keep a good relationship with them. In the end,I love this guy a lot - if that weren't the case, I would have already let him go. But I am four years younger, which puts me at a different place in life (maybe not quite ready to move across the country/get married,)and, as everyone tells me,gives a much less clear view of the world and what matters...
Have you thought about perhaps trying to make it long distance? You could visit on your weekends/days off or he could visit. Yes it wouldn't be the same as what you have now, but if you both love each other that much then there is no reason why you couldn't finish your Uni and still be in a relationship with him.
Plus you could still talk to each other daily, see each other daily on Skype/web cam chat etc..
Not saying it will be easy, but you could at least see if he would be open to the idea.