When my husband came home from the military in 1985, his father and his fathers friends came to me to get my husband to be cooperative in not using his accrued seniority rights, So when my husband returned he was not welcomed as a man should be when he came home he was welcomed with a statement. If he could be cooperative at work and in the society, at least for a while the his rights as a husband would be observed.
Don't get me wrong I loved sex, but with the fear in every bodies face about my husband coming home and taking his accrued seniority rights, disrupting lives when he took them, I thought that there was a real purpose behind everyone fear, because I am bi polar and scizo effective my husband was assigned a guardianship by the state, the cost to him for a divorce would be prohibitive as he found out in 1989, That's when his petition was turned down and I returned home, I always thought there had to be a way to negotiate a common ground for his wants and the wants of his father and everyone else could be done, but sixteen years later, a hole drilled to the center of his head to remove a tumor, after many demands for days off, holidays, and vacations that he was always argued into not taking and my promise being redone many times, he stopped being at all cooperative to the point people being badly hurt, to take his rights under the UAW contract.
Now 13 years latter He has started taking his rights as a marriage, I have been raped, and had a child from that rape, my husband intrudes and destroys all traditions we had made over many years. Now negotiation of any form is just trashed as a no its my way, its my right.
Tonight we fly out for his first real vacation in over 40 years. he was not invited, I was by his father and he told his son he could just stay at home after he has decided that our society was not worth the powder to blow it to hell, as his penance for being defiant, my husband yanked the financial rug out from under this vacation for me and his fathers best friend and invited himself along.
Again there is nothing in the way of negotiation, we offered the next time in three years he could pick the destination, we offered anything to get him to stay home, but he said OK to that with the condition all moneys for this cruise be returned to the accounts, including my berth, his fathers friend was not being allowed the loan to go under any circumstances, I asked why he was doing this. he sais you have had ten vacations out of the country in 33 years while I got to break my rear 12 hours a day while you were off spending what I earned, now you want me to sit back for six more years on top of that to be begged and told I have no right to be going again the next time, he told me he was taking a vacation this year, he needed the money for himself, he either went with us or I could come up with the moneys on my own hook. I can't.
I told his father we had better move over for his son this time, and in four months he has not stopped crying, He begged my husband not to grind another family tradition into the dust like her did for the holidays, my husbands answer was you and the rest of you ground me into the dirt for over 40 years, its your turn to feel the boot heel, and I hope it hurts.
Legally there is nothing we can do, if we try physical force to make him stay behind we will all be staying behind to find out why somebody died when they tried forcing my husband to stay ashore, because he has been violent in the protection of his rights many times since 2001. Even firearms used to intimidate my husband into cooperation has had people hurt so bad they nearly died either when he got hold of a weapon. or if they left him unharmed he shows up a little later and waylays them.
Right now I am just searching for advice on how to maintain some way were everyone will live and let live. If they don't accost my husband in turn he will leave them to themselves, but the second somebody tries to come down on him they will find themselves in a world of hurt.
What started as a way to just ease him back into society in 1985 had turned into a way of controlling him for many decades. For this I am sorry, He should have come home as other men separated from their families for years in the defense of their nation to a loving wife, to people that understood the hardship of being isolated for years. In our greed to just have everything looked at as my husband was giving of himself for others, the praise the family received we came to the crossroads that society became more important to use with the praise about my husbands non sacrifice that when it stopped it was so abruptly that it made everyone mad.
I don't have the answer, do I do as others want or do I allow my husband to snuff out another family tradition because he has the right.