Fixable or hopeless, my long distance rollercoaster
Ill make this as short and sweet as possible. Me and my gf have been on and off for almost 4 years. We met in 2012 at my work, shes 3 years younger and were in our 20s. We hit it off right away and started a relationship. Things were great, but I will note that I had a drug problem that I never said anything about and we also came from 2 different walks of life. Shes never done drugs, and shes always been sheltered by her parents. We fell in love right away and after 6 months together things were getting serious. Our relationship was getting serious but my drug addiction had become uncontrollable, at this point my family forced me to go to a detox and rehab center. I didn't want to do this at all and fought it at first but ive been so grateful for this now as time has passed. I didn't know what to tell my gf especially because she had no idea and had never been exposed to drugs let alone someone with an addiction. Needles to say I went away and basically disappeared. I called her 5 days later from detox and told her im sorry but I have a drug problem and that I was getting help and would not see her for a month or two, she was devastated and to this day I can still hear here voice in my head.
Skipping ahead 3 years later. After detox came rehab and after rehab I decided to move to florida with some extended family to get away from old friends and habits. As much as it hurt me and my now ex gf it had to be done for my own good. It was the hardest/best decision I ever made. I ended up living in Florida for the next 2.5 years where I became independent and earned a sober living. Me and my ex gf kept in touch where we both admitted we still loved each other and so on and so forth. Almost a year ago I ended up moving back up north, my gf lives at her college in a different state only 3 hours away. Next think I know were together again working on having a normal relationship and moving forward with our lives together. Now here comes the problems were having now.
About 3 weeks ago I ran into problems while living with my father his gf and 3 kids. Ive lived with them before in the past and its always been a rough environment for me to live in as me and my dad have long running problems with each other. Push comes to shove and I decide to move out to do it on my own again. Before all this happen I was working part time temporarily and enrolling on classes to finish my degree to eventually get a career and not just another job. This could only happen while living with family so now those plans have been put on hold. Im still working part time and now im renting a room in an apartment in the area. Working part time isn't enough as I am struggling to even pay my rent. I am currently looking for fulltime work so I can self sustain as I work on getting my licenses to sell home, auto, and life insurance. All this stress and change of plans has been effecting me dramatically and it has made my depression unbearable. Not only is this effecting my attitude and clarity but it is greatly effecting my gf and our semi long distance relationship.
In the beginning my gf was very supportive and understanding, but as a few days went by my constant worrying and talking about negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions ect.. has put her in so much stress and me telling her how much I rely on her is making her worry more. She has become distant and irritable and has asked for her space multiple times. I have tried everything I can to help fix things with no luck. Some of the things ive tried just for the record are Giving her space, offering to take a break, talk about things and my plan of action, buy a thoughtful surprise gift, try to remain positive, and of course being their to talk to. I have had no luck at all as everything ive done has seem to make things worse. She told me today when we talked about things that me telling her how much I rely on her is putting her under so much stress, she also said that my job situation worrys her and she cant see herself have a future with me because of it. I agree that having a good job ensures a solid financial standing in the future but I think that blaming all our problems on it now isn't fair, that's like me saying I cant date my gf anymore because shes a secretary. I agree about it in the future I just think its an excuse for why theirs problems now. We haven't seen each other in a couple weeks, our last couple times together have been great. We have time set aside for the end of the month where we will stay together for 3 days. Im afraid of how it is going to go with the problems we are having.
Im really wondering if anyone has some advice on what to do. Things are very difficult as I can be very passive-aggressive at times and when I get overwhelmed I shut down and close off my emotions, I have gotten much better with talking about my feelings. My gf also has a really hard time explaining how she feels she makes statements but cant elaborate on them. She also never says exactly whats on her mind. I don't know what to do and we both have agreed we want to fix things we just both don't know how to go about it. any help would be appreciated.
Ask her if she wants an excuse to end it which is her privilege, and concentrate on you. Everyone will like you better from your father on to yourself if you fix you. Her I would let go. She is tired.