I don't want to be too shy anymore
Okay so I suffer from this problem since I was a kid and still have the same issue of being too shy and nervous in front of people. I feel that I have tried too much but still can't overcome my fear of dealing with people; its not with my parents or my sister, but sometimes it is with my uncle, aunt and cousins. whether in dealing with people nearly the same age of mine or older (i am 23) , I do have the same problem: getting very nervous and can not reply in a good way or think right of what i should say. I can't express my thoughts or opinions clearly and nearly I have no friends (I can say 2 but we aren't that close) . so it is difficult for me to have friends. I don't even know how or can't imagine myself working or even getting married. I am very worried how I will manage my future in this world in which people live and connect together. I am afraid that I won't be able to be happy or satisfied especially in my next few years.
I would appreciate so much your advice and help. Thank You.
There are drugs for this which you need along with therapy. It is not your fault and you have a very good attitude.
Firstly, I would like to state that whatever i write here, is my personal opinion and that the reader may or may not use my advice. I shall not be held responsible for any consequences, if any.
Shying away and nervousness are issues many of us face during our childhood. In some cases, it may get resolved as we grow up and as our interaction with others improves and increases. In some cases, we fear too much as to what will i say when i meet him or her.. what will i speak in the class speech or on stage.. I think it is completely normal.
All you need is a boost up in your self confidence. I suggest you to join in some chat groups and interact with different people. You may choose to converse anonymously if you wish to, or you may give out your name etc if you feel comfortable. Initially, use chat-rooms where you can send messages across. This will improve your confidence in yourself as you may get encouraged since you may know what and how to talk to others. Gradually shift to webcams or group chats.. where you can talk about general topics or topics of your interest with one or more persons.
You can also go out in the evening or during the day and go out in the market or in your locality and talk to your neighbors. Overhear your relatives talking and see what they like to talk about. Observe and then try to begin or at least join in any conversation. Gradually, try and start independent conversations with them. This will help resolve your problem.
It may take some time to get results. You may not get 100% results. But at least you will improve from what you are today. You only lack self confidence and you have a feeling that others are better than you and that your talking to them will worsen things.
Have faith in what you think and what you want to do or say. Give it a shot! Say it! Do it! What will happen? Either the other person will go away or he/she will stay on to talk! Be positive! Keep yourself positive. Do not fear from falling and failing as these little falls and failures will eventually make you so strong that you will stand up for once and for all where you will not fall again. Be positive and keep conversing.
I am not sure if you need any pills or anything. I am no doctor. I speak as a friend should and i sincerely hope that you do improve. You may contact me if you want to chat to begin with, if that makes you comfortable :)
One if the things you need to realise is that being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
People get embarrassed and make fools of themselves everyday, the difference is you have not learned to laugh it off yet, once you learn to stop mnaking it as big a deal as it is your anxiety will reduce. Basically the more you do something the less fear you have of it, so the best way for you to deal with this is to do something that makes you uncomfortable, anxious and afterwards a tiny bit of "oh that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought!" will be planted in your mind, after a while those wee blocks will add up and soon enought that will be your normal thought when you are confronted with a nerve wracking situation.
I am telling you this is the case, I was the same.. I stopped it by consciously choosing to put myself in these situations, sometimes I got dizzy doing them, sweaty palmed, shaking and bright red but it soon passed and after each time I did it I felt AMAZING, as if I had just won the lottery!.. give it a try today, find something you are scared of (preferebly speaking to a person) pre-plan an introduction to the conversation, then adlib the rest. i.e if it's a cashier in a shop, when they serve you say something weather related (it's always there so easy to use) like "it's roasting outside, I hope they stick the air conditioning on for you lot" or "It's pouring down outside, bet this is the one time your glad to be stuck in here all day" then depending on the reply go along with it, if you feel nervous or embarrassed, big deal, they won;t exactly be spending the rest of the day talking about you being nervous, I'm pretty sure most people have better things to do than spend their lives talking about you and you being nervous.
That's another thing, you need to realise that other people have their own problems and no matter how much you may think you make a fool of yourself, other people don't really care that you did, realistically why would someone spend the rest of their time talking or thinking about what you done when they have their own lives? It's just silly to think they would, you're important yes, but you're not so important that you consume other peoples lives.