Marriage - confused
Hi, I have been married for 5 yrs with 3 yrs old daughter. We both are working professionals.
My problem is : My parents have no property (in terms of cash, house) in India.
Though I am earning pretty good amount and sharing all the expenses .
But seems like my husband is not happy with me. He is always dragging the fact that, my parents are poor. Sometimes he said, he would have married to a wealthy girl instead of marrying me.
Some time he forced me to abuse my parents and I can't deal with this anymore.
Why so much emphasis on what your parents have or do not have?
Are they dependent on you and your husband supporting them?
Is this focus on parental economic status a cultural thing; is he hoping to get an inheritance?
I think he needs to be shocked into reality. I do not know him or you but here are some suggestions:
1) I will ask for a divorce if you mention this again
2) Are you wanting to keep the child after I go to UK or should I?
3) I know women who do not have to work. Maybe we don't need the money. I am sorry my parents can't help us - can yours?
4) Perhaps some other woman could support you. I guess that is what you want.
5) I am sorry that I am not what you want. My parents were good to me and I will see them alone from now on.
That sort of thing. I suspect he got a response out of you when he brought this up that made him feel powerful so he keeps on bringing it up.
I am an Indian too, so let me tell you, i know what you are talking about.
here are a few things I really want to tell you:
1. It is VERY good of you to help your parents. do not let ANYONE make you feel guilty about it.
2. Is your personal family life suffering a money problem if you help your parents? if yes, you might need to take up another job and find out ways to handle that. if not, then that only makes your husbands faults a lot bigger.
3. Maybe you can do a bit more for your husbands side of the family too. that way he might stop feeling so agitated.
4. No matter what the circumstances - it is NOT okay at all for your husbdn to say things like - he should have married a richer woman. That is not something you say or even think of when you love your partner. make it absolutely clear to him that you are not going to be with him if he keeps up that attitude. does he/his family have dowry related issues too? if yes, you need to take a stronger stand.
5. nobody is allowed to abuse your parents. esp for being not so well off. it is disrespectful and not right at all.
6. your child will be happier with happy single parents than unhappy married parents. its a fact. if you need to separate, you do that. if you allow your husband to keep treating you this way... your child suffer. please be very clear about that.
7. seek a marriage counselor. and take your stand on the matter without guilt or fear. our society doesn't except women to be like that, but you do anyway for your own mental peace and your child's mental peace.
take care :-)