I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years next month. It has not been an easy road to travel and that's putting it lightly. I have two children from previous relationships. I also have a child with him. It was never in my plans to have any more children but our son is his first. He told me he wants to be with me for the rest of his life (I'm a sucker, obviously) and isn't going anywhere so lets have a child. I will be the very first to admit, I'm far from perfect, we all have our flaws but I've always bent over backwards to make/see him happy. Birthday gifts that weren't cheap but things I knew he really wanted.. money didn't matter to me over his happiness. Making him dinner after a hard days work, taking care of the children and hardly asking him for help and so on. I guess I thought if I tried hard enough, he would try back to make and see me happy in return. So much for that thought. When I care about someone, I do things to see them happy and in return, I'm happy. Thought maybe it would work both ways but it clearly doesn't. I constantly see him looking at other attractive women. That upsets me. I know, he's only human but I told him just don't do it when I'm around and he can't even do that. Swears he has never cheated on me and has never cheated on a girlfriend in the past. I just don't know what to do. He says he just feel comfortable in our relationship and doesn't feel like he has to try anymore, like he already won me over and the showboating that took place for the first two months in our relationship is OVER!
Look 1st of all..he is disrespecting you by looking at other women while you're in his presence!! You told him it bothers you BUT he still continues to do it-leave him,2nd...he says that he feels that he doesn't have to work hard to win you over since the deeds done and he has you now-leave him..3rd..YOU gave him a child and YOU do all the work,YOU buy him stuff that you know is expensive but you did it anyways for HIM and he can't even help you with the kids??!..-leave him.
You deserve so much better! His actions will NEVER change.He doesn't appreciate you anymore and that' so sad because you deserve so much better.Oh..and PLEASE don't use the kids as an excuse saying it's hard to leave with the kids...well leaving him doesn't mean it would be forever...just for 2 or 3 months WITHOUT the kids...let HIM see what you go through each and ever day.Go take yourself a much deserved vacation or go stay with a friend for those 2 months..take time for YOU for a change.
His disrespect and your low self esteem - what a formula for unhappiness, for you.
"I guess I thought if I tried hard enough, he would try back to make and see me happy in return."
Well, it HASN'T worked, has it?
Now you need to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with this clueless, self centered man - whom you have indulged and spoiled. No wonder he does not see your needs i.e. "Look at ME, not HER!!"
"He says he just feel comfortable in our relationship and doesn't feel like he has to try anymore"
He won't, unless you put some sensible demands on him. That will take some thought and followup. A professional relationship counselor will help you.
It can feel really bad to have your man check out other women. But I do think that it can be ignored provided other things are okay. Sometimes men will check out other women just out of compulsive habit not even cuz they desire them - as yourself... if one of these ladies were to try and get a date with him, would he agree to go?
if your answer is yes, then you have a problem.
if your answer is a no- you are a very lucky woman. If you know he will always choose you over them, then you are in a secure relationship where he values you for who you are.
What really bothers me more about your post is when you say that you are doing all these wonderful things for him without asking for much in return - well, guess what you probably should. I dont mean to say that you start a fight, but unfortunately it never helps to keep giving without expecting in return. You sure do love him, but love yourself enough to be a bit selfish sometimes. he must know that he needs to work hard to keep you happy and interested in him, find out some subtle ways in which he knows what his responsibilities are.