Hello everyone, my problem is my life I suppose. You see I was led to believe that while I was in college and studying hard to "make something of myself" that it would happen within a reasonable amount of time, and to some degree it has. However it feels like my carefully crafted walls are falling around me and suddenly I feel more vulnerable then I have ever felt in my life. See I want to work in white collar investigations, you know like for the SEC or helping to recover intellectual property particularly in investigations. So recently I took a job as an insurance defense investigator helping a company overturn claims for worker's compensation. I actually turned down a forty thousand dollar salary job with a reputable law firm, because I thought that I knew what I wanted. However with no promotional opportunity (and no job offers on the horizon) I'm beginning to think that this was a mistake and however much I want this to be something real just doesn't make it so. "Feelings don't build buildings" as they say. Last week on my way to my last case of the day I rear ended someone because I was exhausted. I'm fine, my car is fine, but the other car is not and they're asking for a lot of money for repairs. I'm living at home to try to save money for grad school but with this I'm not sure what's going to happen. I labeled this problem under emotional because I hope that all of this in the long run will be a speed bump in my life, but nevertheless it's a bump I want to get over. I feel guilty because this isn't my first accident and my families insurance is going to go up because of this. I feel lost not because this is my first time getting in trouble, but because I didn't pay attention for one second (all the while in service of something noble such as trying to have a career) I could've lost it all. I'm scared that this is how my life will be, a constant need to focus and pay attention and that relaxing and letting go for a minute is out of the question. I realize that shit happens, and that's its bound to happen again, but how can I live my life so afraid to make a mistake? How can I focus on career's and grad school hopefully and relationships when I know that if I take my eye off the ball for a second I'm going to get smacked in the face. Please help.
Why are you exhausted?
OH dear! you need to calm down!
why are you being so harsh on yourself? i dont even see where you think you made a mistake!!! you followed your heart and some decisions turned out wrong. BIG DEAL!!
you know what? you will always make mistakes. We all will always make mistakes. that is life. You cannot always do the right thing, cuz we do not know the future. but here is something that you CAN do - follow your heart.
and you did exactly that!
if i was you, i would be proud of myself for going after what i wanted.
the best thing for you to do now would be to start applying for other jobs. but before that - set your priorities. what do you REALLy want - a job that you enjoy? more money? set the top five things you want and need and go after that.
and keep in mind your priorities will keep changing as you grow up and your life changes. that is okay.
the best you can do is to do your best! and be nice to yourself. Okay?