Break up problems
Not a new stry - we met online. long distance for a few months, and then he broke up with me - well on my birthday. when we were together he was the best bf in the world, he sent me handmade gifts and we talked about life and future. it was moving too fast, but we were happy.
anyways, now i am lonely and very very depressed. I feel like taking my own life and its scary when i am in the subway and a train is approaching. I shut my eyes or turn my face to i dont look at the tracks and feel tempted to jump. i know it sounds silly but i didnt know how madly i loved him when we were together - even in he long distance.
on top of that, my parents are the worst (i live with them), and I have no friends. I have a job but it doesnt pay me enough to move out. either ways in my culture kids usually live with their parents till they are married.
i keep wishing he would come back, but he did leave me suddenly and on my birthday (he had even made a lovely gift for me). just 3 days before the break up he was telling me that he loves me and called me endearing names and even 2 days before that we were still making future plans.
he says he still misses me but he wont talk much to me. the truth is I am mad at him for leaving me this way too. The ldr woukld be hard - we knew that from the start.
I feel awful and sick - literally cuz i am not well. and i am taking sleeping pills and drinking a bit too.
Two things I pick up from this;
a) you're reaction when in the subway and you see a train coming, sounds like anxiety to me. Probably brought on by the shock of being dumped, you feel a lack of control and worry that it will transfer into action when you see the train coming. It won't, it may also be the reason for your drinking and taking sleeping tablets as they dull the anxiety a bit (temporarily and it is not a solution) Tell a doctor about your symptoms and thoughts and chances are they will refer you to either CBT or give you something to take the edge off until you can control it yourself.
b) He sounds like a bit of a coward and a people pleaser in my opinion, telling you things like that after breaking up with you because he doesn't want confrontation, also may explain why he was so kind to you on your birthday, as a way of easing the guilt of planning to break up with you. You are mad at him and rightly so, that is not a bad thing you are allowed to feel your emotions.
If you really do believe you feel suicidal then contact the Samaritans or whatever similar organisation is in your area/country, they are trained to help you deal with emotional problems like this.
You may get good advice from here, some of the people on here are fantastic at seeing the reasons behind actions and may well help you to get out of this funk you are in.
Hi! I think you are in depression as he left you and you didn't accept that now. You need to get more socialize, make friends. It doesn't matter if you live with you parents or not, I think he is not trust worthy ! Here is a video and i know it will help you surely http://goo.gl/JaHzMj
. Please do visit it, and never think about taking your life. Your life is more important, you have whole life which you can utilize. Don't waste it for such person.