Have been cheated again and again by the same guy
hi, i am 21 year old, since last 5 years i have started dating, till now i have been with 5 guys, but something or the other happens and our relationships end in not more than 4/5 months, among the 5 i have dated, 3 of them cheated me, i am so much emotional in nature that i keep on commiting the same mistake of giving one of those guy a chance again and again, this guy 2 years back i was in relationship with him, he lacked seriousness in our relationship, however in the 2nd month of relationship i came to know that he is just fooling around so i brokeup with him, after that i was with another guy he loved me and cared for me too, we were in a nice relationship it lasted for one n a half years, i was happy with him until my ex came back(the same guy who lacked seriousness)he cooked up stories and this lead to my breakup with the guy i was with. now after sometime we again started dating he told me he loved me, he comforted me, he said we would do everything that would keep me happy, we were very comfortable with each other, he was sorry for whatt he did earlier to me and now told that he was serious about our relationship, we dated for some 3/4 months again something happned and my earlier ex came to me and told me that i was with the wrong person, i shouldnt have trusted him, this lead to an argument and fight between 3 of us, and i brokeup with him, i wasnt in contact with both of them, unless after a month that guy again came to me and said sorry and again cooked up some false story, i still loved him so gave him another chance, we again dated for 3 months after that i came to realise that he is cheating on me by roaming with another girl, i talked to him about this but he avoided the topic and confidently said that hes not cheating on me. just after a month he again started to behave wierd as if hes fedup from me and wants to breakup, he used to stay calm a week and after that again ask for breakup, i would deny always to breakup with him, and continue with him, this repeated again and again, i always supported him and comforted him during his hard times in his family, now just 4 days back he is telling me that he is being dating another girl and is cheating on me, he confessed to me that, he is so shameless that he even showed that girls pic to me, i felt heart broken from that dyt after confessing he has blocked me every where, i feel sad the whole day and do nothing than crying, i am not able to move on, i still feel for him very badly, i am even in touch with his family, however his family dosent know all about this, i always did every possible hting to save this relationsip and keep it going, i gave him everything that he desired but never got even his affection in return, i dont know how to deal with this feeling, i am shatterd now and dont even feel like looking at other boys, please some1 help me, i am very much attached to him and i have lost my friends too because of him, i tried my best to not think of him but each time something happens and is memory strikes me again and i do nothing whole day except crying. please help!
You said: I "dont even feel like looking at other boys."
Then don't look at "boys."
I have stated many times on this site that young men up to their mid or late 20's are really not capable of having exclusive relationships. They just are not ready. Too distracted, to immature, etc. etc.
20-something Girls seem to be so much more mature in terms of desire for exclusive commitment and some even have that "nesting" drive that wants marriage and babies.
If you desire a "relationship" look for an older guy or wait for these boys to grow up.
Good luck! Enjoy the new crop of possibilities!
I was in a very similar position when i was your age. I was married with my highschool sweetheart but we were having a rough time during our second year. Not long before my 21st bday i met a guy he was different from any I'd ever been with. I left my husband for him and spent the next 4 year of my life cheated on used, abused and I took it all becuase i loved him so much i felt i'd loose everything without him. Finally i decided that I was worth more than he and if i continued to mope and let him use me i was not better than a maggot infested carcass who deserved to be treated as trash. It hurt more than anything and still does today but I'm a far better person now and know that any person I'm with better be worthy of me. The hardest part is keeping occupied so it doesn't fill your every moment. Stay as busy as you possibly can work 3 jobs if you have to but do something becuase the more you don't the less likely you'll be able to move on. Besides you are getting older not younger so don't waste your time becuase believe me he is not he probably is glowing in the fact he has someone moping after him which gives him an ego boost making him more confident and cocky which girls find attractive so don't help him out help yourself.
hi susiedqqq. thanks 4 giving me advise regarding this, not feeling to look at other boys i mean to say is i dont feel like meeting new people especially guys of any age, i dont feel like interacting with men, i have developed some hatred for men, however at the same time i also feel that i dont want to date further, i feel so that i have nothing left with me to invest on a new guy if i get in relationship with any, i have given so much to my last relationship that i dont have the capacity to give my efforts to a new relationship, i cant bare it any more, it makes it worst each day to survive without him , i know i dont deserve a guy like him but still i have that strong urge to still stay with him, i want him to get mature and turn into a good man, he has become so because his ex gf urted him badly and went with another guy, he has played with many girls feeling after that. i cant see him in that condition he just wants to take revenge by playing with other girls. i dont know how to make him understand thtat whatever he is doing is making his life worst. plz advise.
hi straightforward, as u mentioned that i should make myself busy and try to stay away from him, i have tried my best to stay away and keep myself busy with studies and other activities, but however i an connected in such circle that the more i come out from this the moe i get involved in it, we have a large circle of common friends, even some of his friends are like him, they report him about my wherabouts, they tell him each and every thing i do, with whom i talk, with whom i roam around, where i go, everything they tell him, i also started to get ways from our common friends too but sometime or the other there come a situation where they make fun of me because that guy is so shameless he has told all our common friends what we did, where we touched, where we roamed, what we ate, what not, each and every smalles thing that has happened between us, i dont know how to deal with the world, he has kept nothing left for me, he just want to show off about his misdeeds, he just wants to brag in front of everyone, i feel so ashamed of myself that i dont feel like goin to college, each day i face something worst in college, it is affecting my studies, i cant concentrate, moreover i cannot change my college too, he has turned a play boy because some girl hurted him and dithced him for another guy, after that he is not the same , i wanted to turn him into a nice person and worked behind him too, but all the time he dissappointed me and this made me even emotionally weak, i am very much attached to him, what sould i do to make him understand that he is goingin the wrong track of life, i have given him more chances that he deserves, i am totally exhausted and fedup of his behaviour, he just wants to sleep and fool around and hurt each and every girl that has enterd his life. now i wonder about that girl and feel pity for her who is dating him, he says she is 3/4 years younger to him, i seriously feel that what will happen to her if she comes to know about his intentions........plz advise!
Forgive my bluntness, but you associated with a crude, rude circle of friends who lack respect for women.
Unless you are willing to give up all this drama and self-harming excitement then you will be stuck in this lifestyle.
Why do you settle for such treatment? Why do you think you think you can turn him into something he is not? Why do you think this is YOUR job?
Is this the role you want for yourself?
i cant see him that way, i thought so that i would change him, atleast not change him then make him realize that he cheated a person who loved him the most, i know i am acting dumb by doing all this for him and he dosent even care a shit about it, now i need to change, but somehow i lack of self confidence, my heart melts each time i see him, i am feeling a strong urge to talk to him, since a week all this is going on, i am emotionally weak person, i know i will get nothing doing all this , but this feeling is killing me each day, i dont know how to deal with this breakup......plz try to understand, i want to stay away from all of them, however i am not able to as i face them everyday :-(
If his friends are helping wreck your and they are supposed to be your friends too it's obvious that they are more like and not good people you should be around. I totally understand your current situation in regards to college and going out I'm currently going thru a very difficult situation similar in that the man I'm dating is constantly looking up women on facebook and on the internet from places we go out on dates or hang out. I even found out he had a blog where he was Senior Member for posting pictures of women with big cleavage that they found. I too am currently failing because i can't fanthom what his intentions are or why he does what he does but two things are foremost in my head. I'm working on not feeling inferior and two really trying to concentrate and work at what matters. When you feel that overwhelming sense of love just to hear him, or see him you need to remind yourself of what he really is and what you are not going to let him do to you. Loving a person never really goes away but that doesn't mean you can't control it because if you really take a look at him you'll see the monster he is. With my ex boyfriend I wanted to call all the girls that were texting and calling him to beg them to stay away becuase of what he was but they would have just scuffed me. People need to take care of themselves so you love need to take care of yourself and know that you are not alone that there is much love and support out there you just have to find the strength to take the first step because beleive me once you take that one step each one after is easier to take despite the pain eating at your heart.
Sweetie...you need to take some time for yourself and discover your worth and then you will be ready for a good guy.
dear straitforward, i have understood now the kind of guy he is, i know now i need to move on, its since 5/6 days i havent talked to him, if i can go this long that means i can go further too, i just need some time alone to sort out myself from all this mess, i fee lonely all the time, as i dont have much friends, all which i had im not much in terms with because they today are away from me bacause they had warnd me and i still hanged up with the wrong guy..........i dont know wt the future has in store for me, all i want to do is enjoy my last year of college, but i dont have friends so what ever i do i do it alone, i go for movies alone, i go to parks alone, i just rome out alone, this feeling is making me feel worse....wt should i do now?