Empty and confused
I have been married for a very long time and last year discovered my husband was cheating on me. We agreed to try to work it out and move past it. That didn't last long. I was doing all the trying. Needless to say his affair continued and I became a wreck. We have 2 kids so I have kept everything together for their sake. For my own sanity I have been online chatting with other men and I actually had an affair with one that nearly ripped my heart out. I now feel there is nothing left inside me. I seek out men for companionship and most I come across are also married. At first it was fun and it helped me get thru life. But now I just feel so totally empty and confused. My husband has broken up with his GF by his own admission to me but I felt unfazed by this revelation. He has recently sought contact with me that he hasn't in the last year. All of this is confusing. I don't feel happy with any man. I need direction.
All of us have been hurt in love. It happens to everyone. All of us have our hearts broken at least once, whether it is by a crush or a long time love.
But the most important thing here is that we should never let the pain and the hurt consume us.
If you do not feel happy with any man, then do not be with anyone. I know it is difficult as you have always been with someone but trust me, once you are single and you are thinking only about yourself, you will enjoy the freedom.
You will have time for yourself, you can learn new skills or try out new hobbies. You will enjoy your own company.
Once you have worked your emotions through and you are confident/willing again to find a suitable partner, you can try dating.
Leave everything in the past and move forward.
wish you happiness and peace of mind.
Do you love I mean love your husband or want to leave him? This is critical because either you fix things or you leave. Having affairs for either of you is just ignoring the real problem.
Please don't make the common motherly mistake of believing that your kids can't be happy unless you and they have that 2.4 set-up. What's important is that kids get good role-modelling - this case, what a working, healthy (thus 'til death) marriage should be like on all levels. They need to see mum and dad (and kids are hawks, make no mistake!) as two people that not only know how to behave towards others and how to expect to be treated by others in any/all situations, but whom are IN LOVE. And they particularly need to see mum of all people underlyingly blissfully happy (aside from life's intermittent, normal sh*t, that is).
Considering you can no longer cast the first stone, I suggest you try first to save the marriage (counselling to see whether your past loving feelings can be reignited (you'd be surprised!)), yet be prepared if not to dissolve it (and stay amicable).
The message that the kids then receive for-life is: We all are fallible humans who make mistakes (especially when young), either at the fundamental level or amongst the details. Those mistakes should be fixed if fixable/to see if they're fixable, rather than run away from or swept under the carpet or pushed to the back of the queue with the aid of immature and inappropriate distractions. But if not, everyone deserves, without deliberately hurting anyone in the process or endeavouring to minimise any unavoidable hurt, to use the short time one has to be as happy as possible, starting with ones bedrock, ones permanent primary relationship. Berbom.
Can't say fairer than that and you can't *do* any fairer than that.