Please suggest me how to get this guy back in my life
I am a 24 yr old girl working. I have a guy ( say X ) in my life, who is 26 also working, and stays in another country.
I know him from school, but actually started talking wuth each other regularly, after my college,about 4 yrs back. At that time we used to chat regularly. He was getting serious about me, but at that time i was coping with my break up with first bf and was busy settling my career. So i was not paying much attention to him. This hurted him and he stopped all contacts with me. As i was busy finding a job so i too didn't contacted him.
After a 4-5 months when i got a job and was in the initial days of my career, another guy(say Y) came to my life.
This was a very bad relation. A lot of family problems were alsi there. So after 6-7 months with this guy i decided to break up with him. At that very moment mr X reentered my life.And told me why u made another bf. I wanted a relation. Cant u wait for me etc etc. But at that time i realized that leaving mr X was a mistake from my side. He was a good guy.
Then i finally broke up with Y.
Now i am not a virgin. I had sex earlier with my first bf and also with Y. I told X about this thing with my first bf but hidden the fact that i had sex too with Y. Now Y in d verge of anger contacted X and told him this.i too confessed about it to X after that.
This hurted X a lot. After that his feelings for me changed.
Now the thing is he doubts me a lot. As i had made a bf as he stopped contacting me, si he had a fear that this time too i will betray him. So he dont expreses any kind of love or caring for me. But doesn't want to break up either.
Now a days he doubts me for little things like being online at whats app/ fb. Even if i tell him with whom i am talking to or what i am talking about still he gets angry.i have tried exply to him in every possible ways,but whenever get gets angry he tells bad names for me.
I really don't know what to do. I dont want to loose him.
We too had sex with each other.i confessed my love for him but he jst dont want to think of any future with me, also dont want to leave me. Please suggest what should i do? Yesterday he got me online on whats app,as i was discussing the same problem with a guy friend. He got very furious as i earlier told him that i dont talk to any other guys except him,which i really do. But yesterday i was very depressed and my friend pinged me so i told him. Listening to this he got very angry on me,and stopped all contact with me from yesterday.his phone was switches off last night. And today he told me that he was vert busy(not anything related to his work). I guess he was having paid sex with someone, as he did it earlier when his first gf ditched him.However still he didnt told me clesrly ehere he was last night.What should i do? I am in a very bad condition emotionally.plz help. I am feeling very low.
It sounds like too much dirty water has passed under that bridge, meaning, now you and he have got caught in a Tweedledum & Tweedledee battle (egos), meaning, you're acting like a warring couple but just without the relationship bit.
Until you two cease farting around and using each other as Melodrama fodder the minute (note!) one of you can tell the other is about to get serious and sensible, nothing is going to get better. And if you fear stepping into a relationship with each other THAT incredibly much then the diagnosis is simple: neither of you are ready for the seriousness that would result from such strong chemistry (settling down). You'd just ruin it.
I strongly recommend a mutually-agreed Time Out period of 2 months followed by a meeting to see whether your mutual defensiveness has settled back down enough to finally tell what's actually there in terms of unadulterated feelings and desires devoid of resentment thus over-defensive, over-protective ego nonsense.
IGNORE his present paddy, wait for him to show he's calmed back down and got everything back in better perspective, and then tell him this suggestion (and include enlightening him over why you spoke to this guy). If he says no/bog-off, whatever, he'll simply be proving he's still in silly buggers mode. So simply wait to try again. No-one can stay mad and sulking forever.
Recently this guy told me that he would never marry me. But don't want to leave me either. He want to continue as friends.
I don't and cant see him as a friend. After telling this to him, he with very determination told me that i cant force him to love me. And he will nvr make me his girl friend or wife.
I don't knw what to do. Plz suggest.
But I've told you what you should do.
Also, if you were supposedly so hell-bent on trying to change his attitude and feelings towards you, do you mind my asking why it is it took you SEVEN WHOLE DAYS to respond to my reply?
Whatever/whichever... As far as he's concerned, whether you meant to or not you've for too long bruised his ego, meaning, now that YOU'RE the vulnerable one, he's getting his revenge. Whether it's to even the playing field and get his resentment out of his system before he then relents, or just getting his revenge for its own sake, he's showing himself up as majorly immature. I mean, here he supposedly is, with his chance, finally, and what's HE more interested in doing? STICKING IT TO YOU. And in the process (ref 'never-never-never!') going too far.
That's not underlying genuine affection just with hurt feelings in the way in motion, that's simply ego tennis... him caring more about satisfying his ego than his heart.
I repeat: finally - he would have us believe by his past words and behaviour - here is what realistically might be his ONE AND ONLY CHANCE EVER...and what's he doing with it? POOING ALL OVER IT. Clearly, then, all those OTHER times as well were him chasing after the chance to poo on it. See what I'm saying?
Hey can u plz simplify ur words. I mean , after our argument 2 days ago when he stated clearly that he dont and will never make me his gf or wife,i am taking things lightly and is ignoring him a little. But in this process also i am getting hurt. Can u please suggest what exactly should i do.?