My girlfriend and the other one
Im 20 and have been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. I love her so much. The sun literally shines out her ass.
But anyways, where I live I frequent a coffee shop each morning for breakfast. There is a waitress there that almost always has the morning shift, and ends up serving me.
We've spoken a lot, mostly about her and what she's up to. This has been happening for the last 1 1/2 years and in the last 9 months I have been developing a crush/love for her. I don't know what to do.
In the past I've told people that you can't love two people. Which I still believe. But that makes my current situation impossible.
Should I give the waitress my number and wait? or should I be straight up and tell her?
But what about my girlfriend, I can't break up with her, she's incredible. But then the waitress is better looking and doesn't smoke.
To put it simply: I love my girlfriend, but I love the waitress. Which is all IMPOSSIBLE!!
So how do I solve the impossible?
"In the past I've told people that you can't love two people. Which I still believe. But that makes my current situation impossible."
No, it doesn't, because you love your gf (emotional attachment) but, apparently or evidently aren't IN-love with her... which just means the sexual-romantic part is no longer associated with and attached to her but to this other woman. So the saying should actually be, You can't be IN-love with two people at the same time. If you try to apportion that form of love between two, then NEITHER has your full love, meaning, you're not in-love with either, you're PARTWAY in-love with each. Clear?
Now let's analyse the bottom line:
1. You've been with your girlfriend 30 months but have only felt the relationship-appropriate amount of romantic-sexual love towards her for TWO-THIRDS that time. Psychologically, therefore, that was when the relationship became so under-par it should have been ended.
2. ...To wit - your query shows your concern and relationship-protectness is predominantly directed towards this waitress, NOT your girlfriend. Note the order of priority: waitress...oh, wait, girlfriend... oh, wait, waitress, FULL-STOP. Again: two thirds versus one third. The bits about looks and smoking, by virtue of their placement too far down your message and 'by the way' nature, are just excuses to make you feel justified and thereby avoid some of the guilty feelings. That's not how you get around guilt.
Enough said in terms of the undeniable, clear actions-speak. Don't be a two-timer, do the decent thing and break up your girlfriend *before* you set about starting your next relationship. Then the guilt will no longer be required. What you're thinking of doing is called Lilypad-Leaping. WHY are you? Can't you bear the idea of being on your own for a while?
Or is the sexual and romantic side of your relationship too lacking, meaning, you want to AUGMENT your relationship in order to keep it, rather than develop this new relationship and then discard the current one? Can't work, won't work, silly idea, will end in tears (mostly yours), give it up.
Life is FULL of difficult decisions. Being capable of facing (tick!) then making (cross!) them determines a person's strength of survival instinct as well as their intelligence to know that Limbo - neither here, neither there/50% here, 50% there - is harmful to ones psyche, specifically self-esteem (and other people's if you involve them in it). You are showing yourself up to yourself as a limp lettuce leaf and if you're not careful, yourself will at some point start to believe you.
Still, at least you're hesitating and asking a pack for permission rather than steaming ahead (tick!). However, if you're intrinsically of our type and moral mettle, note that the answer is ***NO***. Aside from the hurt it could cause, there's no point: if you were into your gf enough, we wouldn't be *having* this conversation, and if you were into this waitress enough, you'd have already chucked gf and be dating said waitress or whatever other woman, meaning, we wouldn't be *having* this conversation. Conclusion: insufficiently into either.
Why are you loath to emotionally commit? Oh, wait... Because you're only 20. So we're back to, Why aren't you okay with the idea of being single here and there?
Over to you...