Ok so my girlfriend and I have broke up after a year and a half together. Not going to go into detail about what caused it( mostly my fault). Anyway, after we split apart there seemed to be some hope of getting back together but so called mutual friends began spreading vicious rumors about me to my ex. Allegations of me chasing other women and talking badly about her all of which where not true. Of course my ex believed it after all those are her friends. My chances of reconciling faded away then confirmed when the ex dropped the bomb on me that we are not getting back together and she's already seeing someone new! Now this is a woman that loves her facebook and loves to post. However its been 4-5 weeks now since the new guy and not one photo of them together or of just him, no mention of a name yet and of course our mutual friends wont tell me anything since I no longer talk to any of them. Only thing I had to go on was a post by one of her friends stating they were out together and her friend dropped a name. Clicked on name took me to his FB page and only thing on it was a profile pic nothing more. No info, no friends nothing. And just today the ex posted something and instead of saying a name she referred to him as "the Boyfriend". Am I the only one who finds this just a bit odd?? She said she was done with me and moved on so why the secrecy? Trying to not hurt me? that's too late! Fake boyfriend?? I doubt it because she has been spending a lot of time at his home. It sure sounds like a rebound as she seems to be rushing things with him spending waaay too much time together which to me as a guy would make me kind of step back a bit. I still care for her but now its just a matter of understanding her really odd behaviour
What do you MEAN, 'of course she believed it'? Doesn't she know you? What was she doing that entire year-and-a-half - watching telly?!
And as for this: "Not going to go into detail about what caused it( mostly my fault)." What is this - algebra?
Er, NO, sorry; that's not how this works. You're going to have to quantify 'Y' if you want a correct sum total when added with 'X', i.e. whether it's even possible to become that newly attached in record time or whether in fact it's altogether possible. Plus, I'm thinking it'll explain that 'of course' quite nicely.
So you cheated on her, then, yes? That would certainly explain why "ov awll the rumoursh in awll the woyld, doze friends chose DAT ONE".
"Not going to go into detail about what caused it( mostly my fault)."
Well, I would say these "details" were VERY important to her. So important that she has totally cut off any contact with you.
No need to spend time figuring out if this new BF is fact or fiction, she has moved on.
Besides being very curious about her, WHAT is it that you want to happen?
No I did not cheat on her. I did not hit her either. I lied to her about work and other smaller lies. None the less I lied and I know how hurtful it can be when trust is broken. I'd like more than anything a fresh start with her. I understand that she may have indeed moved on and I have to accept it, but like I said if she truly has moved on then why the secrecy? Its as if she's hiding him from me and everyone else. Just trying to figure out her behavior. I sent her a heart felt hand written letter today confessing my mistakes and that I did love her. I apologized for my actions but also told her that if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have done the same thing as she did. It was not a letter begging her back or for pity. I just wanted to come clean about it all and told her I did not expect her to reply or anything. she should get it in mail in a day or two and maybe she'll respond and maybe she wont. It just seems to me that if she was truly done with me then why would she care if I saw her and her new boo?
Why do you think all this has ANYTHING to do with you? Do you think she is provoking you? Is it in her character to play games and be a tease?
Or could it be she wants to re-group, stay under the radar for a while, stay off FB, and be very private about her new relationship?
It was nice of you to write the letter IF it was a humble apology. If you attacked her with accusations of hiding and keeping secrets from you, then don't expect a good reaction.
Good luck. Time will tell.
Okay, so you didn't mistreat her.
Were these little lies even any of her business (as in, could impact your relationship) or, like a similar poster recently, were they about things that pre-dated your relationship yet posed as a great excuse to end it (either because there was already a new man on the scene or just because she was overly skittish and intolerant due to how her last relationship had been/ended)?
The reason I ask the latter is because if now-husband and I had whilst dating ever thought we were broken up and any friends had tried to tell me *he* was flirting and chasing around instead of trying the light fixture for size, then, knowing what he was really like I would have examined what their underhanded motives could be, e.g., wanting me all to themselves, having someone in mind to matchmake me with, jealousy about my relationship, ...whatever. So why do you think it is that she so readily chose to automatically believe them?
And how do you even know these people said any such things? Who told you?
There are a lot of possibilities for why she's quiet on FB:
1. She and he are too busy getting it on, and as he isn't an FB-er, neither at the moment is she.
2. Four/five weeks is far too soon (particularly for an only-just-bitten) to go public.
3. She's indeed cooked up "the boyfriend" as a ruse thus doesn't want to land herself in it with information beyond that very vague profile that you could establish via investigations was false.
Point 3 certainly gels with the actions and evidence, and certainly I would find it suspicious, too, were it me, about why the FB entry AT ALL if it was going to be so scant.
Are you a pushy, go-getting type? If she didn't want to be re-chased by you then her and her friends creating a false profile might well be deliberately to discourage your belief in there being any point in doing so.
However, saying that: if this is a woman who normally posts constantly then it seems odd that she would go to the lengths of ceasing virtually all activity rather than simply assert her decision firmly enough. So, unfortunately, this gels with Point 1 (and perhaps also 2).
The trouble is, this is all conjecture, what with such little data. So if I were you, I'd wait to see what response, if any, I got from the letter.
What *could* provide a huge clue to the truth, however, is the answer to the above question: who told you that these mutual friends had said what they said?