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Over Whelmed

Posted by
HAPPY EVER AFTER
on Apr 9 2015 at 14:55
Member since: 09 April 2015
Relationship advice I have been married 34 years My husband is not supportive Very self centered,abusive verbally I went through cancer 4 years ago and he didn't help me. But e mailed all our friends claiming his pain I was sick Anyway he owns his ow company, I had to go out of the Country for treatment. He took me he didn't help with my recovery, I thought he was working as he was always on the computer. Come to find out he was spending money on crap on a e bay site Up to this point he seemed to have a successful company. SINCE THEN the company is failing no work coming in he stays home in bed always sick I have taken a job cleaning he takes money I earn to pay bills but then out buying what he wants. He has always bitched about every cent I spend but he does what he wants. I know finacally we are in a mess and as I type he is home sick again I came down with a cold 3 days ago some one gets sick he does 3#3 Every time I get sick he does or in fact if anyone does he does. THERE is no love in this relationship. ALTHOUGH he says it often to me but I think he is not capable of loving to rapped up in his own self pitty Why do I stay I have no job to support my self, I have invested 34 of my life to this man and to walk away with nothing seems heartbreaking to me, we owe so much money due to his company failing there is not much left. I a not sure why I am eve writing this. I so wish I had a man who appreciated me and loved me After such a serious illness and 34 years I am tired I am making a little money for myself right now with out having to answer to him every cent I spend Plus the people I clean for call me there Angel and so appreciate my work I need that in my life right now The only place I could leave and go to is 3 hours from were I live which means loosing my job. I know life is not all about money but to leave now means all these hears would be for nothing I keep praying he turns around his company financially and pays down debt My plan is to leave then.
Over whelmed
Reply from
SILVIAGIRL
on Apr 9 2015 at 19:19
Member since: 09 April 2015
I have no perfect answer, as this sounds tough. :(

I think you do need to leave, the biggest challenge is figuring out how.

Have you reached out to everyone you know? (Some of the time, someone unexpected might be able to help.) Also, have you looked into how much it would cost to live (maybe with roommates?) and how you can budget that into your life? IS there the possibility of getting additional work elsewhere?

I ask because this situation sounds heartbreaking to me, and I think you should get out of it. But I think you need a plan together first. Perhaps try a separate bank account (so you can protect your money) along with hiding some? (Perhaps enough for a month's rent elsewhere?)

Also, are there organizations you could reach out to (a church, a charity, a shelter)? Just thinking of ideas!

Over whelmed
Reply from
HAPPY EVER AFTER
on Apr 9 2015 at 20:13
Member since: 09 April 2015
Hi Thanks for replying

It is a tough to I sometimes lay in bed at night wishing I knew who to reach out to and were to start I never come up with a answer I am not sure how many hours a week I could work as my immune system is still compromised In my heart of hearts I know I need to move on But so many obstacles standing in my way And to the outside world people see a great guy. HE HAS HIDDEN IT WELL and so have I Only as of recent are a few close friends seeing the real him Oh I dream of a happy life someone who would cherish and respect me and to not live the rest life happy and appreciated. To have a roof over my head and enough money to survive and no one to put me down,verbally abuse me and blame me for everything to live in peace I am a immaculate house wife I clean, cook , sew do minor repairs you name it None of which he gives me credit for

We have a beautiful home , RV and lived comfortably but it all has come with a price Me being the one who gets torn down

and blamed for everything that goes wrong. He treats me like I am dumb and a child My Mom is so tired of seeing this as well as my son But he gives them things which seems to keep them from standing up for me or to him my children are in there mid 20's and don't live home have not since they left for University So having this site to vent is great I have never shardd my story before and so afraid he will catch me doing so But I am so hurt a d so done with all this I feel myself screaming insidd someone just help me. I eve looked at the gofundme site thinking I could get others to help me get out of this mess but once again I am afraid to reach out to my community and so I spend another day my sole in pain

Over whelmed
Reply from
MOODY_ONE
on Apr 9 2015 at 22:01
Member since: 25 November 2014
I am guessing you are not of UK ancestry and you have so many different ways of looking at these problems, but it is sad and I feel for you and your desperation.

In my case being the husband, I was at fault but didn't realise this without a woman's view and conselling which has shown excellent improvement in me. The people who helped me are in this website so I trust you will receive some help and encouragement. Good luck.

Over whelmed
Reply from
SILVIAGIRL
on Apr 9 2015 at 22:27
Member since: 09 April 2015
I am so sorry. *hugs*

My guess is that your community - or at least the parts worth dealing with - are more supportive than you realize. One of the challenges of emotional abuse is that it makes you feel worthless, and like no one but your abuser loves you. I suspect this is not true.

Even a less than great life, I suspect, would be better than the one you are living now. I would find a way to escape, if not today, then within a year. Plan little by little, until you can spread your wings and soar away.

Over whelmed
Reply from
HAPPY EVER AFTER
on Apr 9 2015 at 23:52
Member since: 09 April 2015
NO not from UK I am glad you are changing your ways but one must want to Mine doesn't as I have tried so many times with therapists Good luck and Thank you for caring

Yes I believe you are right I need to start planning to make a new life Thank you as far as reaching out in the community it is difficult as his already failing company would most definetely would fail leaving me in worse state then now I am not sure hos to move forward but so wish the right person would fall into my life to help me Guess I really hoped I would not be middle aged and alone

Over whelmed
Reply from
MOODY_ONE
on Apr 10 2015 at 16:29
Member since: 25 November 2014
Thanks and good wishes.

In my case I initially tried professional therapy but didn't feel comfortable, mayb because I chose a male at that stage. In here almost in desperation too, it certainly opened my eyes to the way the differen genders minds worked.

Take the good advice in here, I think there may be more.

Over whelmed
Reply from
HAPPY EVER AFTER
on Apr 10 2015 at 23:17
Member since: 09 April 2015
Thanks for the advice it appears the opinion seems to be the same to leave Not sure were to start but my goal right now is to try and get out of this mess in a year...I am so hurt, angry and disgusted with my husband Can't even bare to be in the same room with him this week His true colour showed this week on e again, both came down with a terrible cold at the same time, I went to work two, days cleaning, have made meals, done laundry, cleaned my own home .....continuously picking up after him... All while his business is in trouble and he stayed home in bed, no shower for days, just feeling sorry for him self none for me I have been blowing my head off and coughing, haven't heard much out of him... Boy times like this I wonder were the heck my head has been 34 years of this. While I was on Chemo he did nothing I cooked, cleaned got groceries and went to treatment by myself he lived 5 mins from home never came home to check on me or let the dogs out after my treatments, hardly came to the hospital to see me when I would get hospitalized for dehydration cause I was to week to get out of bed he never bothered to check on me.. Friends said it was cause he couldn't deal with my illness but minor illness I had before that he treated me the same I choose to hide all this not sure why but looking back Wow that is not love

I guess a big part of me is so afraid I will live the rest of my life alone, no one will want me as I am 54 and have been ill

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