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Torn between two women

Posted by
CONFUSEDGUY6
on Apr 12 2015 at 19:32
Member since: 12 April 2015
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category Hello this is my first post, some people may think I'm selfish, a horrible person or just a plain time waster but I'm really not ..

Okay, so my ex broke up with me 6 months ago (third time in 4 years)

I met someone else shortly after and was casually just talking as friends and then friends with benefits - this woman is 7 years my senior and has 1 child.

I started gaining feelings for her and almost completely forgot about my ex.. Was enjoying myself and having a great time.

Now just recently my ex came back into my life and I had a sudden 'realisation' that I wanna spend the rest of my life with her..

I ended things with the older woman, And was 100% sure of my decision.

During the month I've been seeing my ex I told her how happy I am with the way things are going (because I really was) I have even gone and planned to join her and her family on their holiday..

Now I met up with work friends a few days ago - and the other woman was there.. I suddenly just remembered why I was seeing this woman beforehand.. I literally was mesmerised by her.. Everything about her had grabbed my attention.. My chest began to hurt and I felt a massive wave of regret.. Then when I don't bump into her at work for a while I start relaxing and feeling okay with everything, then bam I bump into her and all these mixed emotions flood my mind..

And now I'm here.. I love my ex, there's no doubt about it.

I have feelings for this other woman, it's obvious.

But here comes the tricky part.. I know age is just a number, but sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture.. She's 7 years older than me, divorced, and has 1 child.. She's lived so much more than me.. She might not want anymore children or to experience life as much me.. And that's a big thing to me..

But I can't help but think about this women day in and day out.. It's so hard..

But then here comes my ex.. I love her, had planned our entire lives together in the past.. Kids.. Marriage.. Holidays.. The lot. Great sounds perfect .. But I don't know how I feel about any of that anymore.. I love her company and like to care for her .. And have gone and agreed to go on holiday with her, she's so excited and so was I a few days ago -

I'm torn between both of them so much and it kills me every day :/ I sound so greedy but I really don't know what to do anymore

The holiday is in a week .. I don't know what to do..

My emotions change every single day.. I can never relax

I really need some type of advice because this relationship problem is just the begining of my overall problems.. I don't know how much I can take anymore and have gone to the extent of seriously wanting to just give up with my life.

Someone please help me out

Reply from
SILVIAGIRL
on Apr 12 2015 at 20:39
Member since: 09 April 2015
A few thoughts:

1. Have you asked the older woman what she'd want? It's possible she wants more kids. It's possible she'd want them with you. It's possible she wouldn't. But until you ask, there is the possibility.

2. If older woman doesn't want the same stuff you do, then I wouldn't pursue. It's just going to end in misery.

3. As far as your feelings with the ex go...do you care for her? Is she someone you can see yourself with long term? If not, maybe she's not right for you, either.

(In fact, it may be that some of your feelings for the other woman are because, at some level, you know you don't want to be with your ex. It's possible, too, that your feelings for the other woman are just an infatuation. It's possible, too, that they're real. But not every relationship with real feelings is bound to work out. If your end goals aren't the same, then even if it's real, it won't work out.)

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Apr 12 2015 at 21:50
Member since: 27 December 2013
Lovers from the past can do that to us . . . all those feelings can come flooding back.

Regret is an awful emotion.

But that's for YOU. You didn't mention how SHE feels.

And so, if she DID want to get back together, then what?

Something tells me that you ought to go SLOW with the new EX, no matter what your feelings are for this other woman. I have a feeling that you have reservations, and seeing this old flame brought something up that needs to be resolved.

You don't want to get down the road in 6 moths and have TWO regrets in your life.

PS - 7 years is "nothing" in a relationship.just MHO.

Reply from
CONFUSEDGUY6
on Apr 12 2015 at 22:31
Member since: 12 April 2015
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to give me advice - I appreciate it so much.

I'm just so worried about hurting everyone else it clouds my mind, and I never know what I truly want for my self :/

Would going on this holiday with my ex be an extremely horrible move on my behalf?

My ex doesn't know how I feel, but I don't want to do something I may regret and end up hurting her further :/

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Apr 13 2015 at 21:24
Member since: 27 December 2013
Please answer an IMPORTANT question: what does the other lady want to do? Is she sending you messages that she wants to get back together.

Or is all this in your head? (fantasy)

WHY did you break up. How did she handle that?

IMHO - No, I don't think you should go on holiday with this girl and her family. Especially if (they) think that signals a commitment from you.

You are too unsettled right now to make any kind of decision.

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Apr 13 2015 at 21:35
Member since: 19 August 2014
CONFUSEDGUY6, would you, at any point in the next day or so, like me to help you form an instant but honest decision in 2 minutes flat, with a little tried-and-tested mental exercise?

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?