I hit my girlfriend, and now I have no idea what to do, please help!
Myself and my girlfriend have been together since we were juniors in high school, we're both now 22 and she's in college. I joined the Marines at 19, and we still stayed together, we even moved to California together and had been talking about getting engaged too.
Anyway, Wednesday night me and her were having an argument, she was really pushing my buttons so to speak, and she slapped me, and I hit her back, pretty hard, right across the jaw. Immediately after I realized what I did, I knew i'd f*cked up. I said sorry but she was crying and stormed out and we haven't spoken since.
She told the police, they didn't do anything in the end, but they told my VA who have made an appointment for me.
I think this is absolute BS, because now all of her friends and her family have jumped on this bandwaggon, claiming that I have "issues" from my time overseas that need to be fixed. That is the biggest BS ever, I returned from Afghanistan in November '14 and i've been fine, but now something has happened it seems like they have found the easiest possible explanation no matter how BS it is.
All of my buddies are telling me to leave, let the situation cool off for a while, because i've been trying to contact her since it happened and i've been arguing with her friends since then too which I know hasn't helped. I can't even visit her because she has gone back to TX.
I have no idea what else to do. Please help, I've run out of options/ideas.
Oh Em Gee.
This, due to specific context, is a grey area.  It's your first and presumably final offence.  You have, again, presumably, a positive rap sheet behind you that goes back YEARS - correct?  She 'wouldn't let it lie', according to you (and nobody's patience and self-control is limitless).  You've come on here, not to self-justify but to know what to do to make things right again with her, focus on the relationship itself rather than what your superior officers will do to you - which is actioned proof that cannot be argued against.  She slapped you first (silly, silly girl), and you've been trained to retaliate toute suite to incoming attack of whatever nature (which is not 'issues', is it). Saying that, you're also supposed to be able to calculate instantly as well, to differentiate between enemy and friendly fire (and you can't claim that isn't provocation to the Nth, now, can you?)... As I say - grey area. Depends on what she thought was her justification for slapping you, really. What was said/done just before it?
Probably not the politically-correct response, but then I don't do PC, I do realistic, down-to-earth, REAL LIFE (you know the stuff, being in the Marines). Frankly, she should have knee-ed you hard in the phee-phoos; she'd have felt a lot better for it as well.
How come the policia didn't do anything? Clearly not serious enough to be of actionable, civil concern, then?
Your buddies are correct - assuming you've already well and truly (and sincerely) prostrated yourself over the phone or in a letter?
What is the friends' argument stance and what is your response to it? Why would they take that position, given how you and she have been together for so long? Did you and they get on prior to this incident?
PS: Did she require any medical attention or time off college because of it?
Thanks for your reply. 1] It is my first, and yes, definitely my last "offence".  Yeah, all positive, both of us, nothing like this has ever happened before, I mean argument wise, it really blew up.  Nope, she wouldn't let it lie at all.  Yeah i've come on here to ask what to do, I've panicked this much i've resorted to coming online for help which is something I would never thought I'd ever have to do. My unit know about it, their response wasn't what the public might like to think but i've been told to keep is hush hush until it blows over(I don't think they understood the extent of the problem though) -  Yeah, I know, that's what they said to me too, it was just a ridiculous reaction from me, I still can't even believe myself that I've done what I did, believe it or not i'm not a violent person, I wouldn't hit anybody especially a woman, ESPECIALLY my girlfriend.
The argument itself was because I have a shipboard deployment coming up soon and I hadn't told her about it, I didn't quite why and therefore she slapped me. She accused me hiding things etc, when in actual fact I don't know why I didn't tell her. In the weeks before hand she was always complaining that we don't see each other enough so me telling her im leaving again was kind of like a kick in the teeth. So yeah, it was my fault, the relationship just turned south, after nearly 6 years, in just 45 minutes.
I would have prefered if she did that, I would have been on the floor instead of swinging at her like an A-Hole.
They said they had no solid evidence and since I was military didn't want to take me down they gave me the option of taking me back to Camp Pendleton or contacting my VA and getting me "set up". Naturally, I took the second option.
I've been trying to contact her directly since the incident but with no success. I got hold of her house, her parents, her best friends. But nothing came of it. Her sister told me to call back at the weekend but that's the nearest i've got to anything positive.
They have been trying to tell me, that I have seen too much "action". Trying to tell me, what i've done and seen, it's just ridiculous, who do they think they are, and again, I flipped out, which is the worst thing I could have done, but its done. They couldn't quite believe what I did to her, much like my own friends and family couldn't either. It's just a mess of a situation. Everyone knows we should be together but now I have gone and thrown that big "?" into the ring.
I have always got on with her friends and family, like they were my own.
Dear jo bhi aapne kiya wo galat tha ..apko relax ho k baat karni thi but anyway jo b hua..just sms her and say sorry..with real feeling ..and want a last meeting with her for sometime.and then u clearyfie your feeling and your problem with her.i think she can undstand you if she truly love you so. Other wise leave her and move from everything for sometime
"Dear jo bhi aapne kiya wo galat tha ..apko relax ho k baat karni thi but anyway jo b hua"
Want to try that again, TRISHAA?
- First ever, and last, offence - CHECK!
- Long-term, consistently clean and smiley rap sheet - CHECK!
- First ever humdinger - CHECK (what - in six - SIX YEARS????)
- Reasonable provocation? Yes as far as roaring or flouncing out, NO as far as involving your muscle. Mwack-mwack-OOPS. But you know this already.
- Insult ('resorted to') about forums like this one isn't la creme - CHECK (;-p)
- Your outfit treating it like the melodramatic but actually fairly normal domestic that it is - CHECK! Understand what I mean when I say this. You *didn't* clock her one because 'you're not going out in THAT, yong lady!' or any other abusive, meat-headed nonsense. She pushednpushednpushed past the point of intelligent and sensible (allegedly). She was *trying* to get a rise out of you, *trying* to make you lose your cool. Only she bit off more than she could chew. Your unit's response confirms it. I know the forces and they would *not* brush it off were it any measure of wantonness on your part; you'd make them look bad if so.
- Re : no, I believe you. Trust me, I can SMELL abusers or those with constantly short furses. I can certainly hear them in B&W like this. If anything, my vote would be UNDER-assertive, UNDER-reactive, normally.
"The argument itself was because I have a shipboard deployment coming up soon and I hadn't told her about it, I didn't quite why and therefore she slapped me."
Ah. The mist clears. She thought you and she were at X degrees intensity, but then your action seemed to contradict that. Enter crushing disappointment, shock and dismay. She's never hit you before, either, has she. So that slap of hers said this: HOW COULD YOU!!!?
I know why you "forgot". Because she'd given you negativity already, which you wished to avoid a bigger repeat of. Stands to reason. Suggest you tell her (when you get a chance) that you just simply couldn't face giving her the crushing news. That's the truth, isn't it?
Here's the simple truth: no-one but NO-ONE ends a clean and happy six long year relationship just because of one mistake. Sure, it's a biggie. But spread out over 6 years, no it's not. So if the other person *does* end it on that basis, you can bet your bum they were already looking for an exit. Capiche? I don't think she is, though. I think she thinks you don't love her. Think mindf**k. Think, 'I just found out I've been rigged up to The Matrix for 6 years'. She's sulking (justified). And her friends are loving the drama and gossip. Are they forces' wives, by any chance? What's it got to do with her friends anyway - what is she, five?! Were they around last time you and she were acting like love-sick puppies? No, didn't think so.
Listen, you don't have to be a soldier or sailor to not be a literal saint when someone won't stop prodding. And I'll just BET she made noises that kind-of hinted your mistake spelled The End, correct?... hence you panicked (unfamiliar enemy, unfamiliar territory, nuclear-holocaustic world ending).
Right, then. Solution simple. Step one: Wait a week with zero peep. Repeat - ZERO. TO ANYONE. Then THEEEE biggest bouquet you can afford to order! I'm talking £100 worth and 'Ermahgeerd, it wun't fit thru th dur!'. No accompanying message. Not one word. You can do that, yes?
Nah, it's not a mess. It's just all jumbled up for the time being and has highlighted an area that needs a bit of work (a certain corner of trust and not enough sh*gging, actually). And it's actually not as rare as you'd think when feelings are that strong because attachment and emotional co-dependence is that deep and the spanner in the works feels like the greatest let-down of your life. But the bottom line, here, is (and don't laff because I'm deadly serious) - this is foreplay... and subconscious coercion attempt ("Unplanned leave request, anyone?").
PS: Define 'soon' re the shipment.