He cant spend time with me but wants marriage
My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married next year January. However, there one thing bothering me. My boyfriend does not really like spending time with me. During working days, he would pick me up after work and drop me off at home, and then he took off for the rest of the day. We live together, so he only comes back when he wants to make love, eat and sleep.
During weekends we sometimes go to the farm just for few hours, to do some work, when we get back he will drop me at home and then he goes out. He always finds an excuse to take him out of the house no matter what. If we ever go out, it’s only when i suggest it. We don’t do dinners, lunch, or just hangout together anymore. He always prefers to go out alone. If I go out alone even just for a walk he would freak out or get angry and start asking lots of question.
I talk to him about this and he said it’s because I don’t seems to enjoy the places where he hangout and vice versa. What worries me is that i don’t really know where he goes, with whom and what he does. Most of the times he would say he is the bars but would someone really spend so much time at bars???? He was recently advice by the doctor not to drink alcohol because of his high blood pressure but he refuse to stop. I am worried about this too, since we planning a future together.
He tells me that he loves me every day and that he can wait to get married but how can he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he can’t even spend one hour with me now?? I am concerned.
I am afraid that once we get married things would only get worse. I talk to him about this so many times and no change.
Maybe someone can give some advice on how to approach this situation for the last time before I give up?
No . . . DO give up. Give him up!!
He sounds like my first husband. Bar-guy. Rather sit in the bar than be with the family. We never went anywhere or did anything. I spent weekends alone. I raised the children basically on my own. His drinking was supported by his family - his father was the same way. There was no one to talk to about this, since my parents and his were both alcoholics and it was impossible for them to talk about a drinking problem. I was thought to be the "crazy" one.
Move on. He will probably not even notice you are gone. Your leaving will give him an excuse to drink, but then again, he would have found an excuse anyway.
Go to Alanon. It saved my life some 35 years years ago. I shudder when I think of how my life would be if we stayed together.
You're the owner of a company called My Heart Ltd. You've advertised for a life partner and he, presumably, impressed you the most during the interview. But you don't hire someone on a permanent basis on the grounds of one glowing interview, do you, because that's just talking the talk; that's what the trial period is for. To see if they can walk the walk.
So what you have here is someone whom since offered the job in principle, subject to trial, has slowly but surely begun to neglect or even drop one job duty after another.
Now he's taking loads of time off work 'for medicinal reasons'. When you, the company owner, ask for specifics he, apparently, doesn't mind his employer-to-be (whom he's trying to persuade to keep him on permanently) knowing that he has a significant self-medication problem despite the disclosure could all too easily make you think twice about formalising the contract. Hmm.. Doesn't that seem a little bit too "honest" and self-defeatist to you? Would *you* approach a company owner and, for example, say, 'I'm a Kleptomaniac. G'IS A JOB?!'?
My thinking is that he doesn't mind you knowing the extent of this alleged serious issue of his for the simple reason that it's far more palatable than the TRUTH. Perhaps he's cruising for women on the side? That would be an instantly-dismissable Gross Demeanour for you, wouldn't it. Whereas, his having an alcohol problem makes you feel SORRY (i.e. all maternal) for him and actually *less* likely to dump him on the basis of it ..due to the fact that that would make you a total COW, wouldn't it. Gosh, isn't he clever. His little lie has got you feeling incapable of terminating his trial period unless you want to make yourself a mercenary cow.
Let's now switch to presuming he *is* (stupid enough to be) telling the truth combined with effectively saying, 'Now watch me go out and drink MORE'. Do job-candidates who perform badly even when under initial, crucial trial tend to IMPROVE once that job offer gets set in stone with them no longer under the microscope? Big fat NO.
The rest are mere symptomatic details, called, 'I'm getting the decidedly short end of the stick in this so-called fair and equal relationship'. Saying that, I cannot comment on the 'freaking-out' bit because for all I know, you go out for walks late at night when it's dark - an act of protestation, rebellion and provocation (trying to squeeze at least *some* reassuring juice out of him) on your part, meaning his reaction is about protectiveness. Do you? If not, if you're talking innocent walks, then, yes - you have an over-entitled, selfish, controlling a-hole on your hands - a fact he's been revealing slowly but steadily since the minute he could see you were 'irreversibly' hooked by the heart. Actually, that's what he's behaving like anyway, and the answer to that particularly query would settle only the question of HOW big a despot he was.
Here's what you do when a misbehaving child doesn't listen to your deserved admonishments and warranted demands:
No, little Johnny, stop prodding that vase or it might topple and smash.
Er, little Johnny, didn't you hear me? I said, DON'T prod that vase.
Little Johnny, if you touch that vase one mo- LITTLE JOHNNY, I SAID *STOP*!
I'm not suggesting you whack him one (aww, sorry, LOL). I'm talking TAKING ACTION. That's what you haven't been doing, which is the whole problem. What you've been doing (or how it's been getting received as) is Charlie Brown's teacher: "MWAH-MWAH MWAH-MWAAH-MWAH, MWAH-MWAHMWAH-MWAH-MWAH".
However... Who wants a kid in a grown-up suit who can't behave appropriately without first having to be told not to and how? And who'd want one of those FOR LIFE?
When is the last time the last time?
PS: Bet you do the cooking, cleaning and shopping, etc., don't you.