Girl I Like
im Steve. 23male that really likes this 22 yr old cute chick that i think is perfect. i had her last semester for class and have her again this semester. Asked her out and she said she had a bf. i started off going to her house to do homework and study together. I would hit and flirt with her. We would go to the bar every now and then while she was with her boyfriend. Then she broke up abt 2weeks ago because he’s moving and wants to do long distance relationship. I studied late and knocked out at her house in her bed and we cuddled. Smoked weed. Next night was her birthday and I slept over again but she knocked out asap. I think I missed my move :/ lastnight she said that shes gnna try doing the long distance thing. That she didn’t know how to bring it up. and if we are friends. In the morning I replied “oh well goodluck and said sure we can be friends.” She asked today if I want to come over to smoke. I said “Idkkkk. I have a bit to do today and it’s my friends birthday and she (another girl) wanted me to celebrate. I don’t want to be dick” She said “no worries”……i sit next to her in class everydaytoo..what to do?? I really like this girl
When you're still attached to your ex-not-ex, then, even if you ordinarily, when single, would be attracted to some other guy (which obviously sounds the case here in terms of you), cuddling him and kissing him just feels so WRONG. His height is wrong, the girth of his shoulders is wrong, his hair feels wrong, his kiss, the shape of his hands, his personal scent, ETCETERA - all because "HE'S NOT HIM".
There's nothing one can do about this consciously, one just has to allow TIME to cause the attachment 'tendrils' to naturally loosen then fall off and out of him as the memory of how he looked, sounded, felt, etc., simultaneously fades (and you feel less 'wrong').
What you're asking her to do right now is take a bite of apple pie whilst her mouth is still full of spaghetti bolognaise. Basically. "EW." Right?
I don't think he himself as a flesh and blood person is a threat, though, rather than the whole era and her knowing where she stood. And I'll tell you why: Where was HE on her BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS?! Answer: NOWHERE. Case closed. He and she are over. She's yet to detach. Her saying she's going to try the LD thing is her trying to make you give her more room to grieve and be patient. You then over-reacted as far as she was concerned in terms of what her aim had been, hence she wouldn't accept your "Adios!".
Text her back: "YES worries, actually. What about Xday evening?" (Don't say 'night'!)
If you are seen to be willing to fight harder for her - because you CAN 'SEVER' some of those tendrils to foreshorten her grieving time - and harder than her ex-not-ex is, then, tendrils aside, she might be able to see that you're a better bet. And then you can go from there... through the best buds door initially, as you wait with patience and understanding for her to recover from her mental broken leg.
He's not fighting for her, is he. He's MOVED AWAY. He's doing the opposite. No wonder she's so crushed. AND YET SHE STILL TEXTED YOU TO COME OVER.
I wouldnt like to take advantage to someone even if he likes me. If I am her. But you as a guy, stop flirting the girl if she can't just love you the whole and thinking about the other guy.
Yeah.. during and after all that we studied and Did homework together because we were partners for a class. But she still ask me What I'm gnna do some nights... my question is should I still hang out with her to smoke and go out some nights or should I cut her off saying I'm busy or idk.. until she comes to me
Well, that's entirely up to you, Steve, and whether you believe deep down in your heart that she's the ONLY girl for you or whether this is just an encouraging case of Right Person, Right Place, WRONG TIME. If you don't think you have the patience to wait for however long it takes for her 'attachment tendrils' finally become free to start taking root in you then you're answering your own question, aren't you.
Liken it to being hungry and there being a pie baking in the oven which isn't going to be edible for a good hour. Do you want that pie because it's a special, once-in-a-lifetime pie or because you're famished yet not quite famished enough to feel bothered to wait and meantime seek out something else to eat?
Is the pie itself making you want to eat or are you legitimately over-hungry - which?