Angry and hurt
Ive been a housewife most of my life bringing up three children who are now all teenagers. I have worked but wanted to bring my kids up and stay at home with them and not put them in a nursery so someonecelse could. I have been going to relationship counselling with my husband for 6 weeks now about why i have cheated on my husband and why i now think he is cheating on me the counsellor will not asked any questions to my husband if he is or isnt cheating and we end up talking about my lack of trust and what im going to do with my life now the kids are older. I feel the counsellor is focusing to much on me and not enough on my husband and dont want to see him again, also he said i have four children who are boys which is wrong as i have two boys and one girl, he doesnt write down any information when were there and i was thinking of complaining about his counselling but who do i see go about it? We were talking about what i might want to do and i said i am a organised person and ive looked after the house to make sure its a nice home and cosy and he duggested interior decorator and he asked if i have things that match up like colour matching which i said i do and my husband said im a bit ocd and i felt really hurt and angry at his comment as i do like to have things that go together and the same colour but im not ocd were i cant stop. I have just kepted a nice home over the years and it as been me looking after all the houses we have lived in not my husband as he takes no interest whatsoever which hurts me, my sister as a husband who does all kinds of diy and takes an interest and i sometimes wish i was married to him. All my husband does is go to work comes home cooks the tea and maybe do the dishes now and then, he doesnt even sit in the garden with me and i get jealous that other men sit out with there partners. I just feel distant now towsrds my husband after saying im abit ocd and i told him i wished he took more interest in the home but he says hes not a diy person, more like a lazy good for nothing husband. The counsellor said i have been to good in the home and because i have done it so long wheres my husband as gone out to provide.
Hello Summerbud, I think that people cheat because they are missing something in their life, now I'm no expert but thats what I believe,,,, lack of love, lack of attention, feeling rejected maybe, and I'm sure a lot of other reasons too. Then along comes someone who brightens your day..your life! you feel like smiling again, for no reason sometimes and so you feel like a person again, a loved wanted needed person with emotions and feelings. Not someone to only organise the home, cook and dinners. I am always reading those quotes "'everything happens for a reason, we should learn but not regret too much or dwell on the past' I know thats hard to do because I too dwell on the past at times. But if we can all take something positive then we may get some consolation in it. And I think you and your husband are trying or you wouldn't have gone to counselling. But I think you are right to complain about that counsellor or even explain to him if you don't want to complain right away, that you feel he simply isn't listening so isnt helping you. Maybe he was having an off day too. Maybe you could take up an interior design course and suggest a D.I.Y for your husband.
Hope things work out for you.
Perhaps the counselor was trying to find out what was important to you. You stated things that you are interested in and comfort you (like sitting in the garden.) Your husband is not on the same wave length. He does not show his intensity in the home; it could be at his work. Or his temperament is not intense at all.
So . . . can you deal with that?
What OTHER things can hold you together besides the DIY projects or sitting in the garden? (My husband golfed, I went out in the boat; we met up for a romantic dinner at 5. Worked for me.)
Don't hesitate to find another counselor. (Perhaps because there are two males in the room, you may feel ganged up upon.)