Where do I stand?
I lost my husband 2012 to cancer after being married 22 years. Loneliness set in and I went on a dating website to seek companionship. Someone to go to movies with, out to eat, concerts, etc because otherwise I would not go alone. I did meet a man. We hit it off great and things were wonderful for the first few months. I did fall hard for him. I was the one to say I love you first. After about six months he started telling me he loved me. Then the ISSUE entered the picture. The issue being his ex wife. They were married 28 years and have been divorced 10 years. He has been dating five of the last ten years looking for a long term relationship. His ex has been dating the same man for the last 10 years and they are talking marriage. But the problem is the ex wife just moved in an empty trailer 100 yards from my boyfriends house on some land they own together. I didn't like it at the time and still don't because now he is Mr. Fix It for all her repairs. They frequently see each other. He has picked her up and taken her to breakfast, lunch and when I complain about this he says he only has compassion for her, nothing more. Tell me I am insecure. Well I personally think I have a right to be insecure. He is in a relationship with me 14 months and seeing the ex on the side because he has compassion for her?
We have even talked marriage one day, but now since the ex wife has moved in we are having problems and issues coming up. Yes I blame her for being so needy of him but I am also angry at him for being there for her at the drop of a hat! They have no children so it isn't about kids.
My family does not like this man because they know and see all the turmoil I am in. I do love him but I am doubting his love for me. Where do I stand? Need advise please!
I see older couples who have divorced have relationships like this. It's odd to me, but I really think it's the "familiar old shoe" feeling - plus something to do and that person knows you very well and they both have talked themselves into the sane-ness of it all.
Trouble is, it's dysfunctional as heck!
(Didn't you ever wonder why he never really had a committed relationship with anyone else, in spite of 10 years, and in spite of him dating? Bet his ex girlfriends had the same complaint about him)
The dynamics of this is weird to most people. You don't say if this relationship bothers HER boyfriend or not. (of course, he likes the idea of the handywork being done and she's probably talked him into believing that there's nothing really there, anymore between them. So she's got two men hoodwinked into this situation where she has her two men on the same plat of land.)
So ----- For no other reason than it bothers you should he stop this behavior.
But I have a feeling that he won't get up the courage to tell her he can no longer be her DIY guy"
and "go-to guy.
Good luck, you have some decisions to make. (I know that "first love" after allowing yourself to get involved after the death of your husband filled some big holes in your heart. You will grieve again when you let this fella go. But that's OK. There are others out there. Believe me
) Been there, done that)