Don't know what to do
I'm a freshman in highschool and since about 6th grade I've been the most unhappy person in the world. I'm sad all the time I cry at least once every week and I know I'm depressed because I'm constantly thinking about suicide. I'm really good at track and if it weren't for my future in it id be dead. I'm alone. I've never told anybody what I'm going through but I guess I'll start with this website.
I'm girl btw and since 6th grade I have been unable to get a guys attention. I'm not ugly I know that because girls call me pretty all the time. I have nice boobs but I don't have a butt. I'm brown skinned and I have hazel eyes and reallllyy nice long hair for a black person. I guess it's because I've gone to a predominantly white school for all my life but how come other black girls in my school get guys? I've never kissed a guy, hugged, held a conversation with, or even talked to one alone. I've only texted 2 guys in my lifetime. There have only been 3 guys that have liked me and they were ugly and it was in middle school so it doesn't count. And they only liked me for like 3 days.
Now I'm in highschool and I thought this problem would go away when I got here and it hasn't. It's only gotten worse. I've had the same 5 friends for like 4 years now and each one of them have guys all over them. They're gorgeous and I look like a pig next to them. Guys don't even acknowledge me when I'm with them. When I'm with them guys will say hi to everyone of them but me. It's soembarrassing. Yesterday I went to something with my friends (the whole school went) and this guy tweeted all the girls that look pretty at what we went to and guess who was on that list. All of my friends but me.
I'm a Christian sort of. My mom is a die hard Jesus lover and it seems like she's always forcing Jesus on me and I know she doesn't intend too but that's what it seems like. I don't mind though I don't want to believe in anything else but this is all really hard because it seems like God is just watching this happen to me and not caring. He says call to me and I shall answer and I call to him ALL the time and he doesn't answer. He says ask me and I shall give it to you and that definitely hasn't happened. If I were God and I love my child so much I couldn't watch her be in this much pain. And everyone says God loves me so much that he sent his only son to die for me. But if he loves me so much how can he see me in this much pain? I cry to him all the time and lately I've been so angry. So angry. I can't believe he can just sit here and give everything to the people around me knowing it kills me to see them have everything I want. How can he do that. How can he give atheists, Muslims and heathens better life's than me when I try so hard to love him and those people don't. I don't want to be an athiest or anything other than a Christian but I don't know how to change this. I've even considered crying out to satan. That's how bad it is.
I don't know what else to do. I've been so sad for so long and I just want it to end. I know this problem seems so lame and other people have life or death problems but I guess I'm just weak. I'm sorry if I've wasted someone's time reading this but i really don't know where else to go.
I felt very much like you many years ago. Then the summer between 9 and 10th year, I guess I blossomed because things started to look up. I started to wear a bra and got contact lenses and found a job. I had my own money and could buy things I needed because my mom never paid that much attention to me.
God can't make you feel better. That's something you have to do. Keep counting your blessings. Reach out to other people and be friendly to everyone. Don't hang around girls that are so focused on how they look. Don't seek attention from guys who only consider looks. Go where you are affirmed by what you are!
Good luck and know that wonderful things are right in front of you. You just have to let yourself see them.
I felt the same like you many years ago, I felt pity, unloved and the ugliest. Then I came to a point in my life when i thought that i don't want my life to be like this.I can't ask people to love me if I don't love myself first. I focused on the things I love to do in life and the blessings I have. you may think that you have no blessings but trust me you do, you're not poor, you're health is good and you were created with no Congenital flaw. Everybody is different and special in his own way, don't surround yourself with people who won't like you or make you feel like I used to feel. and when I started to focus on the things I love and do them, surrounded myself with people I loved and loved me I started to notice what God has for me and that he has a better plan than I even had for myself. Let your inner soul flow and don't worry everything is going to be perfect.
My God! I feel the very, exacty way, like hell. If you log back in and see this I'll talk to you about it, because I'm currently facing a very major problem, relating just like you. I am exactly on the same page what else? Me as a boy yes, I have been told I am handsome. Girls don't ever, ever give a damn of me either. I'm a junior in high school and I feel the same way every single year. It takes effect in my academic studies, too. I'm trying to catch up on work, and I am terribly overwhelmed.
I totally get you! I am in sort of the same situation, i have never had attention from guys, so I never had a boyfriend. I don't know why that is bu I recently realised it does not matter. I am 17yo, I've got plenty of time to find my way in the world and the love of my life. Yes, sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend too, but I guess I should just wait a little.
Also, don't wait for God to make changes in your life, make them yourself! God can't watch out for every person on this planet, maybe he is busy trying to stop a war or trying to grow food in dry places where people are starving...
And very important: please, never give up! Nobody really talks about it but everybody goes through hard times sometimes, even when everything seems lost, try to think that magic can happen everyday!