My husband and I have been married almost three years. Things have been up and down, which is to be expected. But during my pregnancy with our daughter, i became very concerned about him having an affair. He repeatedly denied the idea going as far as guilting me for not trusting him. Almost two years later, my husband was confronted by a friend who spoke to the other woman... confirming my fears. Only then he admitted his wrong doing. After hearing all the gory details, i learned he was not with me for a brief time because he was proving his loyalty to her rather than me. Then she wanted nothing to do with him after leaving me. After prompting other women, and failing there too did he come to me wanting to fix our marriage. This is where my problem is.. he claims he didnt care for this woman, but was angry she didnt want to be with him. I feel he is in denial about his feelings for her. And I cant overcome the feelings of abandonment, and insufficiency. nor the fear this will happen again. I love my husband with everything I am.. but i simply cant forgive or trust him no matter how hard i try. is it possible to save our marriage?
Hi VERY CONFUSED,
I feel that emotionally, I'm in a very similar situation to yourself. No-One on here can answer your question but you.
I believe, for what it's worth that he'd have to take ownership of what he's done, take responsibility for how he's made you feel. If he shows you he's sorry every single day and reassures you when you're having a dip then maybe but it is up to you.
My fear for you, if you decide to stay, would be for you to forgive him and put things in place to reinstate the trust, for it to happen again.
You said he lied about it and then only told you part of the truth once you actually found out that he'd cheated?
So, he had no qualms about lying to you for X amount of months?? That's the bit I'd be worried about.
As I've said, only you can answer your question but you have to know is worth it because living a life of torment is no fun for anyone, especially when there's a life of happiness out there waiting for you :)
It sounds like at one time, you made a decision to take him back. Even after all his inappropriate behavior.
Are you now having second thoughts about that?
I am so sorry to hear that! I feel heartbroken when I read such stories about betrayal and lies because I've been there and I know how much it hurts!
If I were you, I would also be worried about his denial and his ability to keep this secret for so long and uncover only half of the truth when confronted by a friend. It looks like he is someone who knows how to lie and I don't know if this can be fixed. However, this is my opinion and I don't know him at all. After all, it is your decision and you know him better than anyone in this forum. Besides, you have a daughter together and maybe trying to save your marriage is worth a shot. I know that the hardest part is to gain trust in this man again. When I found out that my boyfriend is having an affair, I was so desperate and couldn't trust anyone, not even my closest friends. I had to start all over again and build trust in people. I would recommend reading this article here http://www.girlsaskguys.com/relationships/a9598-how-to-trust-again
on How to trust again to get over this problem more easily.
I hope that I was of any help to you. I know you are in a very difficult situation. I'll be praying for you!