In love with another man
I have recently reconnected with an old friend who I have always had romantic feelings toward. We have been close off and on for over 15 years. I have never thought that he was interested in me. At one point he was married to someone else, but mostly thought he was "out of me league".
Now he has revealed that he has feeling for me as well, that he has love me for a long time. I am over the moon thrilled. This man is everything I have ever dreamed of. He is kind, brilliant, patient, loving, honest, gentle, funny, and beautiful. He knows me as well as anyone ever has. We have a connection that defies reasoning. Thinking of or contacting each other at the perfect moment, even when we haven't spoken in years. I am not a superstitious person, but I am very spiritual and I do believe in signs. I have had multiple signs pointing me towards him.
We have been exchanging romantic and sexual emails and texts for a few months now. (We live in different states.) I have never felt such a powerful connection to anyone. I have never been so deeply in love. My body responds to his words as powerfully as it has ever responded to any man's touch. I want him desperately, sometimes feel that I will go mad if cannot be with him.
The problem is
I am married. I have been married for years, and have a young child. I do love my husband, but I am not in love with him. I don't think I have ever really been in love with him. We are best friends. We make sense, can talk about anything, have similar values, etc. He is a wonderful husband and father, and I love the life that we have together. If not for this other man I might never have missed the passion that our marriage is lacking. But now that I know what I am missing, I don't think I can go back to life as I once knew it.
I have asked my husband for an open relationship, and he has agreed, but with reservations. He knows that our marriage lacks passion,that our sex life is almost nonexistent by his choosing, and he is willing to let me try to meet those needs elsewhere. He does not know that I am desperately in love with this other man. He knows that there is desire, and history, and emotional bond.
This week the other man has been noticeably distant. He finally told me that he wants me to focus on my marriage. That it needs help, and having him in the equation will only detract from any efforts to rekindle things with my husband. I am heartbroken. Have not felt this wrecked by a romantic loss since I was hormone crazed teenager. I cannot imagine going on as if none of this ever happened. Honestly, if it were not for my child I would be on a plane to him tomorrow.
What do I do now? Should I try to accept his request to just be friends? Should I try to get him back? Should I tell my husband that I am in love with another man? Should I end my marriage? Should I try to fix my marriage? How can I go about any of that? I want this man's love and passion, but I cannot justify walking away from a happy and relatively healthy marriage.
the question you need to ask yourself are you happy, if no then you should end the marriage because you carnt stay with someone just because of the child, if you truly believe you were never in love with this man then why did you marry him? be careful as your feelings are enhanced, but a happy relationship is mostly built on honesty and trust. if you decide to stay with the his husband you need to tell him you an unhappy whether you mention the affair is up to you however by being honest you could start a relationship with a shiny new plate and if he loves you and wants to be with you, his motivation will accelerate which could save your marriage. Are you happy with him or without?
Here are my 2 cents. From what you describe your husband is a reasonable and loving man. The problem is love is not enough for most people. What you feel for other dude is not love, its all consuming passion. You have seen those movies set in 19th century where people exchange love letters over a decade right? Where pages drip with passion and longing? You are in one of those situations. Billions of women before you have felt the same thing. Love is boring and if there is anything females of our species cant stand it is boredom. If you leave your husband now this great love story that you have conjured up in your fantasy will turn into the same situation you are in now, boredom. But you might not be able to duplicate the love that you have with your husband. Odds are you just end up disillusioned with realities of living with prince charming. It might take 6 months. 2years or 5 but eventually you will end up in the same spot. Boredom will set in again and the cycle will repeat itself. This is a very destructive cycle, continuously chasing the next high. A major part of your attraction to him is based upon him being out of your league, your words not mine. Female biological need to constantly upgrade has reared its head and is making trouble.Your choices are to either give in to this need or to control it.
As years go by and your feminine beauty fades you will find it harder and harder to chase the high. At that time you will seek and crave the kind of boring love your devoted husband offers. And only then you will realize the difference between real love and the all consuming passion which led you down that particular path. You will have to live with regrets, believe me you dont want to do that. Been there done that.
Now there is a solution for your problem and you are lucky. Your husband is a very understanding man and agreed to an open relationship. It means you can have your cake and eat it. Stay with your loving husband keep building upon what you two have already built together. And have your fun on the side. Pursue passion and carnal pleasure. Scratch that itch and get your fill of adventure it sounds like a there is a real need but remember to always put your husband, your relationship, your love and most importantly your child first. Be honest with your husband, dont deceive him. In time you will be able to tell the difference between love and passion and you will be very happy that you made the right choice. Both sides of your personality are very important. Both have be satisfied, have to be fed or sated so to speak. I think you are a person with integrity otherwise you would not admit that you live in a happy marriage. Sexual compatibility is a tricky thing and most of us wont get it in a relationship. You are fortunate enough to be able to indulge in some extra marital adventures with your husbands consent. Make the most of it and dont be destructive. Don't tear down, build upon.If you are willing we can continue this discussion. If not wish you the best in your life.