9 years ago I met my now husband, married since last August...
What do I want to do? Three times in 9 years my now husband has lied to me involving women - trust is so hard to regain I've known when he lies each time although there maybe more times - the first time was his ex - I found out he met her and it was only about friendship - I've become really good friends with this women and even been a bridesmaid at her own wedding.
The second time he claims he was pursued by an older woman where it was harmful flirting - nothing more - u may find me foolish here as yes I believed him.
This third time another ex again (appears to be only friendship) but its the lies - he'll message her back but never me, he'll meet her in her lunch breaks and then tell me he is going to meet an ex work mate in London I believe him when im doing an all night charity event, I even dropped him to the station and wished him a good night - im such a fool - something just didn't add up - I committed the ultimate paranoid thing and checked his work phone!!! Tonnes and tonnes of messages over a few months (appearing friendly and not as too much more) to this ex - so I call him yes 20 times and leave 2 voicemails - saw she'd sent him her number called that too eventually he answers her phone - im so hurt, wounded by this blatant lie but hey its my fault as he knew id react like this - im the bad guy - yet my gut instinct was correct - I still trust it was only friendship. we've had such a happy life together two beautiful kids why can everything not be perfect? - what does he get from these other women I can not give as my husband my best friend - we have sex all the time - I just don't understand.
Currently upstairs in our bed sobbing my eyes out as I realise he just doesn't love me like I love him as I could never do this to him - my heart is actually shattered. Love hurts...
Does he know how upset you are? What does HE say about these discussions? All three incidents, you say you believed him. You say the interchanges have been only friendly.
You say 'we've had such a happy life together two beautiful kids." Please remember this.
"he just doesn't love me like I love him as I could never do this to him" Do what? Talk to exes? Then say to him. "When you talk with other women, I get very upset. That is attention that should be directed to me."
Is that the issue - that you feel he is not paying attention to you?
There's a difference between being a tyrant and being a significant other. You sound nothing like a tyrant. You want his sole attention and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
He's making you out as the tyrant because it's always easier to pass the blame.
I know just as little if not less what your husband wants, but you need to find that out.
Sit him down, tell him what you dont like and the damage it is doing, then requests for the sake of your family he straightens up to be the husband you can trust and the father his children need. Be level headed but firm. Keep as much emotion out as possible, that's what he's using to shut you up with now.
You and your children need a grown man who made the commitments he did to your family. The difference between a man and a boy is keeping his promises, and he currently isn't.
Stay strong and know you're the only one who can stop this.