I need help
i am in a relationship with a guy . we have been together for more than a year now . We met online . He was on a ship at that time . we met after 6 months. First six months were perfect . he loved me immensely , he was sexually attracted to me . After 6 months we met , he saw me first me . he had seen me through pictures on facebook though . But i gained some weight in these 6 months . after few weeks he called me at his place , we were naked and he felt something unpleasant . he said he doesnt like it this way , because may be we ll break up in future and feel about about this or may be i will blame him for taking my virginity . From then on , he stopped being romantic . We would kiss at times but the passion he had for me lost . I would cry everyday at the thought of it . i loved him more than myself may be . Because of this i would pick up fights over tiny issues . i was becoming frustrated .i decided to wait for him to change . its been 8 mnths nw , he is still the same . i am depression . help
Dear rabia believe me this person does not deserve u.Had he genouinely loved u he would have accepted u with all ur flaws n imperfections.Bieng a bit overweight as u have termed here for urself is not a defect as u could loose ur weight anytime n become the same,so don't make it an issue.A person who is made for u Ur true soul mate would accept u as u are n make u feel like a queen in the end,u don't have to change urself for him,n that person will meet u oneday...Have faith in God.
Hi rabiya. I agree with anonymous555, a person who truly loves you ,will accept the whole you regardless of your flaws. If he cant accept it, then maybe hes not the one for you. Its his loss anyway. Its your choice if you still want your relationship to work out,tell him how you feel,and if he listens and change for the better,then good ,problem solved. If not, maybe you just need to let him go. You'll feel miserable with him..You'll find someone better...
He loved you on-line. In pictures. When you were not even together.
Now he does not care for the reality. He is no longer romantic.
You have waited for 8 months for him to change and he hasn't. Now you have become a person who picks fights and cries all the time.
Isn't it time to move on?
thanks ! i have never been so weak . i have had few relationships before . i never found it so diffciult to break up with someone . theres is something in him that keeps pulling me back . He is the one i always wanted . i am unable to leave him . I feel sorry for myself . I have been such a strong girl in past , now i feel so weak . I feel depressed for not being good enough for him. My every part wants to be with him . Its just too hard for me , too hard to imagine . I dont want anyone to go through this . Its painful.
"theres is something in him that keeps pulling me back"
Yeah. It's called your ego. That's how egos react when insulted. They feel like a chunk's been taken out of them (via the insult) and that to get that chunk back requires recouping it from the one, same, original chunk-taker (in the form of changing their mind until they say 'I take it all back, you're beautiful!').
Not so. You can grow another chunk (and then say to the taker, 'Enjoy your chunk, you flunk!' :-p).
So here you are, still in pursuit of changing his mind. And yet, not only is that failing (him refusing to give the chunk back) but he's getting to meanwhile take MORE chunks out of you! Meanwhile, The Investment Principle has kicked in...
The investment principle is what makes you too loath to cut your losses. E.g. a taxi is late; you phone the company to complain; they tell you the taxi is just 2 minutes away; ten minutes later it's still not turned up as promised (lied) yet you don't want to have to ring another company and start all over again from scratch. Well, given that the original taxi could make you wait god knows how much longer, maybe even another 20 minutes (which based on their behaviour so far seems wholly likely) - in order to be sensible/clever, YOU HAVE TO.
Here's how:  Re-growing the missing chunk is not hard, you can do it just by being single and no longer subjected to this prat day after day after day.  You have *not* wasted 8 months, you have spent 8 months learning to identify the type of (cough!) man you *don't* want in future, which has made you a far more savvy selector!  The others are right, you are *not* not good enough for him, he is not good enough for you. He knows/senses this deep down and so is coming out with whatever excuse he can find to pick on as hides behind it the fact he daren't even 'go there' with you only to end up revealed as a romantic failure. He stole that chunk off of you because HE had a chunk missing, you see. He came like that.
It's his problem. He's trying to convince himself through you that it's yours. Because then he doesn't have to DEAL with it. Dump the dud. If you don't, then, you're proving that you too need a cover excuse for why you daren't enter a proper, healthy relationship with a proper, healthy partner.
*Do* strong and you'll be strong. That simple. You're clearly just out of practise.
Oh, PS: I forgot one (getting the chunk back): dumping him.