Should I leave or work thing out?
I've been in my serious relationship for over a year now and I'm on the verge of calling quits. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he would genuinely do nice things for me or work towards our relationship, but ever since he started constantly add things in his life, which interrupts our quality time together, he's treated me and our relationship like a chore, like sort of to do list.
Plus he's frequently is on his phone texting( his brother most of the time), checking reddit and emails, works on youtube projects, hangs out his neighbors til midnight, watch movies or smoke weed(He wasn't doing it that much when we first started dating) every now and then with his brother, he works for a theatre company, does photo shoots, etc. It's clear those things excite him or puts in him in a comfort place, but where do I fit in all that?
My boyfriend says he loves me and "I'm his world" but his actions say another. I feel like he lost that excitement with me..I feel he only needs needs when he wants to have sex...I feel like I'm being treated like this tissue in his back pocket.. I spoke to him numerous times about it, and he would work on the situation for a moment, then go back into the same situation. He told me I'm impatient, but I give him time, but I think he forgets and doesn't care. I get it; I'm not his priority, but I don't know what I am to him anymore. Is he taking me for granted? I feel like leaving...but how do leave someone who's been by my side through chemotherapy? That's the problem. I don't know what to do.
C free now
From what you have described your boyfriends seems to have intimacy issues. Also from what you have described he may have passive aggressive tendencies. Passive aggressive people find it very hard to commit and will always withdraw from you. Here is a test for you : try to pull away from him, dont complain to him about your issues for a bit and see if he starts chasing you again. I have a method when it comes to dealing with issues. Its called the empirical method. That means you come up with a theory and facts and your experience have to prove or disprove the theory. If he is passive aggressive he wont be able to care much since he does not consider himself to have any worth so what worth could your relationship have. Passive aggressive people will show you enough affection to keep you around since they hate being on their own. That does not mean they enjoy your company it just means they hate being alone so anything else will do. Once they are assured that you will be around they will revert back to type which is cold and distant. This dynamic is extremely damaging to you. Your self confidence will start to erode and your sense of isolation will keep growing. This cycle needs to be broken as soon as possible. You are right to watch his actions and not his mouth. Remember empirical approach? proof is in the pudding. Its great that he helped you through your chemo but guilt and gratitude are no basis for a healthy and productive relationship. You have to make a decision: do you want to stay and change him or cut your losses now and leave? Remember don't ever compromise your self worth and integrity for anyone. It will only damage you. i wish you the best in your everyday struggles. stay strong. tancred
He broke up with me and told me he needed time to figure things. He's tired of making me unhappy and he's not he want the same things that I want. He also he's not rhe mood to date anyone and that he's not ready for a relationship. I know I have to move on and this is the time for me to work on myself which I've been doing since I've been in remissio,but my heart hurts sooo much. I thought he loved but bit by bit he's been falling out of love with me.
I know you are upset right now but i think he did you a favor by leaving. You mentioned before that you felt like leaving and his support for you during chemo was stopping you from that. I would look it as a positive outcome. Once you have licked your wounds you will look at it differently. You are hurt because you feel rejected but you really did not have much in common anymore. Its better to be alone on your own than feeling lonely in a relationship. In a few months time you will be grateful that he left. Stay in touch if you have more questions or need advice. Take care of yourself.
I didn't proof read my story...sorry about that. Thanks for the advice.