Problems with step-daughter
I'm 42, and I'm married. I have a stepdaughter, and she's a wonderful girl. We get along great. When I got married she was 10. Her father left her mom when she was 4, and she doesn't even really remember him. He doesn't call or talk to her or anything, so I guess it was nice for her to have a father figure. She snuggles up to me and treats me as though I were her father except she calls me Jorge.
Anyway, I've been married for 5 years, so now she's 15. She still snuggles up to me as she always did, but now it's different. For example, last week we were snuggling on the couch and watching a sitcom. She was enjoying it, and laughing a lot, but somehow every time she laughed her body moved against me (we were spooning) and I started to like it – you know, more than I should have.
So, you know, I'm embarrassed by the situation and I think I need for her not to snuggle too close to me any more, but I didn't know how to say it. So I figured the safest thing to do was to talk to my wife and have her straighten things out. I tried hinting around the problem, but somehow she wasn't getting it. I kept getting more and more direct until she got the point, but then her reaction surprised me. She suggested putting her daughter on birth control.
What the hell am I supposed to make of that answer? Is this a trap? Is she waiting to see whether I will say okay? Or is she trying to say that she's really okay with the thought that I might do something with her daughter? I hope to God she doesn't sit daughter down and say, "You excite step daddy, so we need to get you on some birth control." That would be humiliating at best. If she told her friends and it got around the police, for example, it would be a serious problem.
Why don't you ask your wife what she means by that. You went to your wife to tell her you were uncomfortable with her daughters snuggling and she thinks birth control is the answer? Just ask what exactly she means then you wont have to assume what shes talking about you will know for sure. And she is your step-daughter do you have a say in her upbringing? are you happy if she takes birth control? and does she have boyfriends? it sounds like a very random suggestion to me.
Hope you all sort things out
All little girls love their daddies. But there comes a time when the father and daughter need to give each other space. Then she can express her female role in society and relate with other males, preferably boys her own age. She seems stuck in this development and is overly attached to you. (The seeds of this were there even before age 4.)
This is now moving into a danger area. You "spooning" with a 15 year old girl inappropriate.
'So, you know, I'm embarrassed by the situation and I think I need for her not to snuggle too close to me any more, but I didn't know how to say it.'
Really? YOU are the adult. Don't allow yourself to in a situation where things like this can happen. Move away. Get up and leave the room. Sit in your own chair. Sit by your wife and be attentive and affectionate to her.
Your wife's remarks are not understandable and you need to ask her what she means. Does she think her daughter is sexually active already? Is this daughter a special needs person? Does she interact with others in a sexually provocative way?