Weed - should I just accept it?
Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we are due to get married next year. Only problem is he smokes weed ever day and I hate it. His argument is he has a good job (over 40k) so the weed shouldn't be an issue to me. I also have a good job on nearly 30k so we have a promising life ahead of us. My issue is I can't live with the fact he may still smoke weed when we have kids. He says he'll stop when we have kids but I don't believe him. I feel so strongly about this.
I know it could be worse he could have an addiction to a stronger drug or have a crappy job but I can't live with it. I've tried to talk to him about it several times and he refuses to listen. He makes out I use the weed as an excuse to argue with him and that' im being controling "it's ur way or the highway" he said how would u feel if I told you to give if drinking it's the same thing. It's not as I drink of a weekend not every day.
I'm 28 this year and he is 30 I thought he would grow out of this by now. I want to have a baby and I just can't until he quits. I feel like I've wasted 7 years with him and don't know what to do. I Tried to talk to him yesterday about it and he refused so I've threw out his weed his bongs his weed tray and grinder. He's gone absolutely ballistic saying I'm a horrible person etc. I just felt like I had no choice. I know I've gone about it the wrong way but he refused to listen to reason
Yes, you didn't handle it right. Now he's dug his heels in even more about this - although the issue now is who "has control" over whom? Plus, you say you "don't believe him." Is this the only issue you don't trust him on?
Couples counseling is in order. Both of you need a safe place and a third ear to listen to each side.
(I personally would have a problem with my spouse lighting up every night, but I know people who don't see anything wrong with this)
Yes I trust him completely in everything else. He is a good man but the weed does send him aggressive when he hasn't had it in a while and a Unresponsive when he's had it. He says I should just accept that this is who he is. I guess you should not force a person to change if they don't want to and if he's not going to change and I won't accept it we have reached a stale mate
"aggressive when he hasn't had it in a while and a Unresponsive when he's had it."
Yes, this is what I have witnessed. Irritability, short tempered with the kids, distracted. This issue has broken up a marriage of the son of a friend of mine.
Please go to counseling. Insist on it.