I love her but can I trust her?
Hello all, I recently met a young lady who is not a beauty queen but pretty close. She is very attractive, great body has an outgoing personality, been working in the corporate world mostly, nicely educated, wonderful character. She has children but so do I and that is not an issue. The issue is she loves attention from men although she says she does'nt when we discuss it. Here is why I come to that conclusion: When we are out and entering a venue she is constantly looking around at almost everyone in the area (yes, I began to observe her because it happens all the time) then as we sit at the table she will say why are these guys staring at me? They should be paying attention to the woman they are sitting with. Of course my response is how do you know they are looking at you unless you are looking at them? She would wittingly reply "I'm not looking at them". When I first met her and even currently she would have some story regarding an encounter with a guy giving compliments, asking for her number, wanting to take her out, following her and ending up in the same isle while at a grocery store and more. I asked her what does she plan to achieve by telling me this? I don't know of any man alive who wants to hear stories of his woman being flurtingly approached constantly and she accepts the advances. I ask her what is the end result, how did you handle it? She says they eventually stop or it's just a passing moment. Example again: She's in a store for one item and it takes her about 45 minutes to come out. Why so long I asked? Long lines? No, this guy came up to me in line and said I have on some beautiful shoes. I said thank you and we started talking. He's a realtor, he has that real slick look you know like a mobster, slick back black hair, really nice suit, hansome looking guy. he walked me to the door after the purchase but I did not let him walk me to the car. ?????????? Help!
In my case I loved every minute of walking into a bar or whatever with her and every chap staring at her and then me. I could imaging their thought, " what is that stunner doing with him?"
She loved it too,always dressed to kill - always bra less because I liked that. She was extremely outgoing, great fun, yet she pulled me and I was very flattered.
Many men tried their stuff on her but she was mine. My mistress for 8 years - not my wife.
So I would say lucky you and go with it.
Beautiful shoes. SMIRK! Who does he think he's kidding. Had it been me, I'd have retorted cheekily, 'Well, you can't have them, so there, they're mine (plus they're not your colour, duckie)'.
Yes, there is Moody's way of looking at it, which is true, but as far as her reasons go,...
(...and by the way: "my response is how do you know they are looking at you unless you are looking at them?" LOL AND GIMMIE A HIGH FIVE! :-D)
...then, I'd hazard a guess that it's SHE who 'doesn't feel worthy'. Of you. Or possibly anyone. Either/Or. She sounds like, possibly without realising, she's trying out of a sense of low confidence to big herself up and basically say, 'Everyone wants me so you should do all you can to keep me, now and forever' (because she has a nagging suspicion that it's only a matter of time before you lose interest and dump her), combined with her trying to solicit your help in identifying justifications (processing out-loud) to work out why you're with her and why everyone else is seemingly so interested. Make sense?
There again, more innocently, albeit in the same vein, she could look far more confident on the outside than she really feels on the inside, is looking at people out of self-consciousness/social anxiety connected especially with men, to check what their reactions to her are (i.e. trying to read what they think from their facial expressions); doesn't realise she's looking and hence, as you point out, wonders why they then look (back), MEANING, you've got her looking at them wondering what they're thinking of her which hard looking makes them look hard at her (them trying to work out what she's thinking of THEM)...and so on and so forth...all a lot of NOTHING-ness, but where SOME of those who catch her looking - simply because they have a need (supply/demand) - mistake it for sexual/romantic interest and a signal of availability/receptivity, thus take their opportunity to try their luck (and fail).
Was she a Plain Jane just before you met her and/or too overweight, and has yet to catch up with her new & improved physicality? Or was she an ugly duckling the entire time she was growing up that then (late developer) suddenly transformed into a swan but is too stuck in her self-image of old?
Whatever... I appreciate it gets very irritating very fast when your beau is eyeballing every other male in the room (and is something women are always complaining men do). Although she may NOT realise, the fact you're pointing it out as well as trying to impress upon her how perturbing it is to you (whom she's dating and whose sensitivities she should therefore try harder to protect) should be all it takes for her to START being more aware of how she's coming over to strangers and endeavour to put paid to that insulting-feeling habit of hers.
Did you impress your point of view assertively enough? What did she SAY when you said this: "I asked her what does she plan to achieve by telling me this?"?
I once went on a trip with a friend and her drop-dead gorgeous daughter. Guys came up to her all the time we were in NYC, so you can imagine . . . in restaurants, on the street, in stores, etc. I wondered why (she was pretty, but please . . . what was it?)
I had a chance to observe and saw that SHE was the inviting one. Very coy, very seductive, very vulnerable acting. She worked her eyes and body. No wonder the guys were coming on to her! She had her antennae up and working all the time.
Your GF sounds like an attention addict. Pity. No amount is ever going to be enough. She will exhaust you.
Pat her on the head and send her on her way.
(I always wonder what happens to those gals when they get old and there are younger ones waiting to replace her?)
Norman Mailer had to divorce Marilyn Monroe because he said she pulled the life out of him. He could not write while she was around. She took so much energy to live with, he began to loose himself.