Do you think your wife or husband loves you when they verbally degrade you 4 out of the 7 days of the week? I'm a retired military disabled veteran who is constantly told through out the week that I'm gross to look at, I'm a loser, she regrets being married to me, she was so much happier before I came along, I'm worthless, I'm a waste of life, I would have been better off dying in Iraq, and told other awesome things through out the week. We have being married for almost 10 years and have 3 boys together. We are financially stable and don't have any financial issues what so ever. I'am constantly trying to become a better man in every aspect of our marriage and as a father. When she is in a good mood everything seems great and nothing is wrong. I totally feel worthless and like a very bad person on the inside and out. I always thought your wife was supposed to be your best friend, I can't even vent or talk about any thing to her. If I try to talk or vent about something that happen to me that day, I get degraded an called stupid for thinking or feeling that way. Just for getting something off my chest! So now I don't really say much any more, and just sit around listening to her when she comes home from work. I try to give her helpful advise when she is venting about work or constantly listening to her talk about how great and brilliant these guys at work are. At night when going to bed I get to watch her looking at her stupid Facebook account, when she looks at it I get to hear the comments about how lucky her girl friends are to have such unbelievable husbands and their husbands are real men. To be totally honest, as of right now I'm hear for my boys. Cause I'm sure with the way society works today if I filed for a divorce I would most likely have to give up my boys. I love my wife very much and I would die for my wife. I would say she would be totally fine with me doing that. So what Im having a hard time with is why does she say she loves me at the end of each texted or when getting off the phone if she doesn't! I fine it really hard to believe that some one could honestly love somebody else when they say the kinds of things I hear 4 out of the 7 days of the week. Would you feel loved or believed your wife or husband loved you if you constantly heard these types of things??? So if their is anybody out there Who may have some good advise, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for the help.
Why not approach the military chaplain to hear what's going on in your home? The military also offers marriage counseling. Why not avail yourself to these services/
You don't say what your disability is. Physical? PTSD? Are you two intimate?
From what you have described, your wife's behavior is unpredictable, sometimes hurtful, sometimes loving. Surely, she has conflicted emotions going on. She may be exhausted, too. Both of you need to express these feelings in a safe place, so counseling is a must.
So - worse case scenario? You separate. So what? Remember, too, that you would NOT "lose" your boys, if you should separate or divorce. Visitation with you would probably be very generous. (Not sure what you mean by "the way society works today."