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My gf told me she doesn't care if I kill myself

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Relationship advice What I'm about to post is very personal and I have never done this before but I think it's time to try to seek help from others about my current relationship, please bare with me as you need to know a little background info to fully understand where I'm coming from

I have been in an on and off relationship for 4 years and I'm only 21 about to be 22 but I love this girl with a passion and most of my life I have been let down and used by people and she has been the only one who stuck by my side through all my mental issues and anger towards my past and has made me see the good in this world. Unfortunately that being said I come to this website today seeking advice because both of us have mental issues and her being on the bi polar spectrum especially when she feels any type of anxiety which is mostly through our arguments which can get very heated at times with both of us having anger issues. I am not the best of men and I have my flaws but she is the love of my life and I try to treat her like a princess everyday. I must admit I have my jealousy issues and am very protective of her but it's only because she's literally the only person and only friend I have in my life and I take her for granted sometimes with that being the fact.

That all being said here is my issue. Recently we got into a heated argument because she didn't answer my phone calls and ended up coming to my apartment unannounced and when she came to the door I stopped her and asked her why she didn't answer my calls. Immediately she turned around and started to walk outside to her car. I chased her and asked "her why are you leaving", she said "because you wouldn't let me in" which was not the case I simply wanted to know why she was ignoring me. As I'm outside in the parking lot I stood by her car and didn't want her to leave because I missed her and didn't want her to go. She insisted on leaving anyway and threatened to call the cops on me for basically no reason, just me begging her to stay. Mind you I am on probation right now for something absolutely ridiculous that happened to me a year ago and she knows that. After that some cruel words were exchanged back and forth, which I'm ashamed to say is not something new in our relationship and she drove off. But not before she said "I don't love you and that she didn't want to do the relationship anymore". Later that night I became very lonely and depressed and I called her crying hysterically and told her I was sorry and that I should of just let her in the apartment and that I needed her and would do anything for her to stay with me. She said she didn't want to be with me again and I know by now this is routine for her and she doesn't mean half of the things she says to me. So I put up with the cruelty and mean things just like she does with me knowing I also have my issues but sometimes she takes it too far. I was depressed and for the first time in my life I actually contemplated of killing myself. And I told her this, not to just get attention but because for the first time in my life I actually felt like this was a solution to my pain and she was the only one in my life and she left me and said a lot of mean things for almost no reason. She went way too far in my eyes when she said to me "I'll throw a party after you kill yourself". After that I lost it and almost did it but I realized that she has very bad bi polar and mental issues and I don't truly think she meant what she said but I just couldn't get past the fact a girl I've been with for 4 years, who was just telling me that they loved me earlier in the day would say such an evil thing to me. Idk what to do people. I don't think I'm suicidal even though I became an emotional wreck and her very cruel choice of words didn't make me any better. Please somebody please give me advice on what I should do. I am a mentally ill person myself at times but I like to think I'm a little more level headed than her in heated arguments and I have a limit to what lines I would cross. I know now that she doesn't. Should I let her go, or should I try to hold on and help her because she has so many issues with her life and her family, and tbh she really is the only person who cares about me. Trust me I know most men would look at this story and call it a no brainier what I should do. I just need some help and some closure from even people I don't know who have a less emotional attachment and view on the matter. Thank you for baring with me and my long story.

My gf told me she doesn't care if I kill myself

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Since this is a relationship featuring Bi-polar Disorder to the extent of having a marked impact on the nature and state of the relationship, I think it would be kinder of me to redirect you to Wrong Planet where you'll find a plethora of experts (the sufferers themselves, including those in long-term relationships) to advise you.

But for now, you can't possibly take seriously anything that's been said - AND FAILED TO BE APPRECIATED/UNDERSTOOD AS BEING A GENUINE INTENTION (your suicide threat) - in what still counts as the heat of an argument. You two are taking emotions too seriously whilst at the same time failing to take things said under that influence seriously enough. You're just surprised and dismayed that your upped-ante verbiage didn't 'do the trick' in stopping her in her tracks nor have the effect of a cold bucket of reality-flavoured water in her face like one would like to imagine, even retrospectively under reflection, it would. This is to be expected after who knows how long of the pair of you crying wolf.... along which vein...

"and I have a limit to what lines I would cross"

...Er, the evidence says, No, you don't. Clearly, you don't. You just like to THINK you do.

It's childish to suppose she really would throw a party if you killed yourself, especially if only hours beforehand she'd been telling you how she loved you. But I get that you're shocked she could even have uttered that nasty lie out-loud. Well, it was just a suitably big missile in reaction to what she perceived was the size of the incoming missile (when both in rattled chimp mode).

Don't do ANYTHING until the smoke has cleared because nothing of any sense or truth can come of trying to converse in the interim. In other words: Time Out.

My gf told me she doesn't care if I kill myself

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you sound so down and negative on yourself, I wanted to kill my self after I read your story, {not really}. it seems to me that your a very loyal person and you can feel and see a lot in your partner, another positive in your soul, and if you really think about it, who would throw a party if someone killed themselves. if she really hated you, she wouldn't waste her money. if it was me, I would be a little mad at her for the emotional roller coaster she has you on. I wouldn't want to keep anyone I truly loved on this ride, too cruel. there is a saying, maybe they made it for you to tell her and it reads, "shit or get off the pot." either she wants you or she don't. you need and deserve an answer, not only because you love her but because, also, honey, there are lots more rides to get on in this park. GIDDY-UP!

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