Annoying friend in love with me
Hello everyone! :) I don't have many friends because I'm an introvert and I don't feel like I need more. The problem is that i befriended a boy from my class. I will name him O. I didn't like him, but O. was nice with me. I didn't have much self-confidence at that time and was very insecure and anxious. I shared my problem with O. and he helped me. But he is very annoying, bothersome, lazy, loud, always talks about some singers that I don't like. We are very different, he is like the opposite of me. Many people think that he is annoying, it's not only me, and at first I felt really ashamed when other people see me with him. I felt guilty of my thoughts about him. I subconsciously tried to avoid him in public and he noticed it. I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, I couldn't stop being friend with O. because he became too attached to me and I would hurt him. On the other hand, I dislike him and feel ashamed sometimes because of his behaviour. I finally decided to stay friend with O. and stopped caring what other people think about him. I started to go out with him and it all went normal. But sometimes I have bad dreams about him. In my dreams we're acting like a couple and that makes me feel disguisted and I thik "I shouldn't have allowed him to do these things to me". O. denies being in love with me of course, because he knows pretty well that I would reject him. But he still do some things that I can't stand. Once he wanted to hold hands for a while and even took a picture of our shadows. Andd how I treat him right now? O. told me that I'm painfully critical person. Well, that's not true. I don't act like that with everybody, only with him. I want to change O., to make him realise some things, but it's very hard and I don't see an actual difference. I'm not sure what to do with him. I think I need some new friend. Maybe I should talk with O. about that, but he will deny everythng and it would be very awkward conversation.
P.S. I'm sorry if I have some mistakes, English is not my first language.
P.S. I don't really seek advice, i just wanted to share.
In other words, you didn't like him but in the absence of anyone better, he sufficed. And you have this attitude mainly because the guy isn't bog-standard thus isn't "popular". But he obviously is a very kind, genuine, caring person who was there for you when he didn't have to be. And now that caring person, because he's had a chance to bond with you, imagines there may be scope for taking the friendship to the next level.
Reading all the rest, my mind said, 'Methinks the lady doth protesteth too much' and simply wants to be in total control of the rate and pace at which you two promote this relationship OR wants the control in the form of room and space enough to at least EXPLORE 'whether'. Because the fact is, he's tried to take your hand like a boyfriend would and yet you did NOT reject him because of it. You rejected his over-the-top (for you) gesture and nothing more. And now, since then, you've progressed all the way to 'trying him on for size' in your semi-conscious states (REM sleep phase) where it's safe to, which sampling is getting marred by the surface fact he's not everybody's cup of tea.
Took a picture of your shadows? Well, then, considering that is not only a far out, highly creative idea to have (is he an artist?) but an exceptionally romantic one too, me, I'm not sure *I* would chuck him out of bed (so to speak)!? I've never heard of anyone thinking to do that and I am fairly wowed by his incredible sweetness and sensitivity. And so must you be, secretly, or else you would have left that detail out like you so easily could have done. The analogy (using the physical in place of the cerebral) is this: "I don't like all this attention from this guy who looks just like George Cloony'.
With that obvious conflict the case, I don't think you should "do" anything for the time being because it's clear to me that your left hand is saying, 'Ugh, no way!' whilst your right is saying, 'Ooh!'.
PS to your PS: Oops, I must have missed that bit.....considering we're an advice forum. ;-)