So I don't mean to say that this is that serious of a problem compared to how so many more people in the world have things much worse off than I do, but it is a problem that I don't feel like I can talk about with anyone, and one that I think about, literally, all day. Any advice would be appreciated.
So I went to university in Washington, DC. I did not really enjoy living there or the university that I went to. I won't go into the details that much, but I found that I didn't really like living in DC or the greater DC area, and I often felt unhappy because of that. I lived there for four years, and I think I've put in enough time that I know it's not a place I really want to live.
I would have transferred but I found an amazing girlfriend there and decided to stay because of her. She is everything I have ever wanted, and suffice to say, I'm really happy with her and could see myself being with her for the rest of my life. We have been teaching English in a foreign country for the past year, but our contract is over, and we will be returning back to the US very soon.
She was able to find a job already in DC, and so I am left with the option of going back to DC or moving back to Houston, where I am originally from. My best friends still all live in Texas, and I really do miss living there, I like it much more than DC.
So I feel really torn about what to do. On the one hand, I want to stay with my girlfriend and on the other hand I want to go back to Texas, even though I haven't seen many of my friends there in two years or so because my parents moved to Virginia, as I still consider them to be my best friends.
I'm worried if I go back to DC, even if I have a good job that I like (I majored in International Studies and the only real place to do that in the US seems to be in DC) and even if I'm still with my girlfriend, I will be unhappy for the following reasons:
1. I will miss Texas, and my friends there, and I will feel like my time to go back and remake a lot of those important connections with people will have passed. I feel now as if I don't go, I will lose those friendships and my connection to Texas, my identity of being a Texan.
2. I'm also worried I will come to resent my girlfriend despite how much I love her, if I am not happy in DC, or I don't enjoy living there. For example, I don't have many close friends in DC, so I hang out with her friends more often, and a lot of them I'm not a big fan of. The thought of going back to DC's overpriced, overcrowded, generic bar areas again for a night out fill me with dread to be honest, even for one night compared to living there for one or two more years at least.
But if I move back to Texas, and live with one of my best friends from high school, I'm worried I will be unhappy because:
1. My girlfriend will no longer be in my life, she doesn't really want to do a long distance relationship. Without her, I feel like I would be extremely unhappy and sad, as I have been when we've been separated for periods of time up to seven months in the past.
2. I won't be able to get a job that interests me, such as an international politics job, one where I can use me French language skills, or just a nonprofit job that interests me. I feel like I will have to do a job that I hate, as an administrative assistant, as I didn't study technology or science or math, and don't have many special skills or qualifications to be attractive for employers.
3. I will be far from my family in Virginia, and really miss my parents, especially as they are quite old compared to some of my other friends' parents, in their mid to late sixties, and I don't know how much longer they'll be around for.
So sorry if this is kind of rambling, if it is a big first world problem, if you think it sounds stupid... I just feel like I'm going to be unhappy no matter what, that I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I reminds me of the scene in American Hustle where Jennifer Lawrence's character says, "Sometimes all we have in life are poisonous, fucked up choices."
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know about this because they will all be biased in some way. And I'm worried I won't be happy anymore. If anyone has any advice, please, I could really use it and have someone to talk to about this. That is my biggest fear is that I'll be miserable no matter what I decide.
Thank you so much.
I think that you are jumping the gun so to speak, well you are assuming you will be unhappy either way. Ok right now you KNOW you don't like living in DC. Has your gf ever been to Texas? Why don't you bring her there on holiday, meet your friends and family. She may actually love it too! and who knows maybe she wouldn't mind living there, or have you discussed that with her before?
Do you think you are so torn because you are not 100% sure of your girlfriends feelings for you? You say she wouldn't do the long distance thing but has she mentioned if you do move, how it will affect her?
And I don't think you will lose your identity of being a Texan, only if you want to. I have friends who have moved from home, to a different country and still haven't lost theirs. But I know some who have moved barely a month and have even lost their accents! So I think that's a personal choice to be honest.
And you don't say your age but I'm thinking you are still young and young enough to continue learning, new skills, new job. There's lots of courses i.e. technology to boost your knowledge, just because you never did it doesn't mean you still cant
And my mum is 82 and at times fitter than me, so mid to late 60s is still young in my book! lots of years left.
So right now you have a girlfriend who you love, your parents and a job! Take your gf to meet them and the place you love so much and maybe take up some new skills. Life is changing all the time. I think like Jennifer Lawrence sometimes, I think we all do but then I think like Scarlett O'Hara ...tomorrow is another day (its from gone with the wind)