I had no clue what to enter for a title, I'm not too sure how common this problem is but here goes. I think my boyfriend is addicted to porn. I have expressed my feelings to him and told him how much it hurts me when he looks at porn and he promised he would try to stop for me and said he doesn't ever want to hurt me but now he will download porn on his phone and hide the screen when I come into the room and it's like he thinks I don't know what's going on... I can't talk to him about it, I'm afraid to because he goes
on the offensive immediately and gets all upset. I respect his privacy and have never actually looked in his phone but I'm sure he has hundreds of porn videos and naked pictures of women on it. The reason he goes on the offensive is because he has had issues with getting to orgasm or maintaining an erection in the past because he really hurt himself with a killer death grip before he met me and he says the porn is the only way he can get an erection sometimes... That only makes me more upset though because then I feel ugly and worthless because he isn't turned on by me. There have even been times I sure he pleasured himself to porn while I was taking a shower because I will try to initiate sex after I get out and he turns me down and just says he doesn't feel like it because he's afraid he won't be able to get an erection. I don't know what to do, don't know where else to turn... I have spoken to him about this issue so many times and he promises he will stop but a few weeks later he is looking at and downloading porn again. I love him so much and we have spoken about marriage but how can I live my whole life with this man who can't even keep a promise about something he knows hurts me so much?
I have my doubts about the reasons your man has for looking at porn. However, I believe that the reason it's hard to get or maintain an erection is because of the porn. Looking at porn can desensitize your mind to what real arousel is. Also, masterbating a lot can desensitize the penis. Both of these things can make it difficult to get or maintain an erection. I read somewhere that porn, as an addiction, is just as addictive as methamphetamine. That being said, if someone has a problem with porn.......it won't be easy to walk away from. In my opinion, you will need to ask your self how much do you love this guy. I ask that because I know that aside from him making a serious commitment to walk away from it, he will need your support in order to "get sober". Some are not prepared to do this. It's a hard thing to do for someone else especially if the lieing and the act hurts you as it does while your trying to support and help them. But......like all addictions, they have to want to stop first or nothing will change. I wouldn't go so far to say that if he loved you he would stop. some people in some ways are not as strong as others. Porn addiction, however, is incredibly strong in its self and he may not be able to defeat it on his own. It's not something that is easy to own either. He knows you are aware of it, but it's possible he may not know how bad it has him. I don't know anything about a kung-fu grip doing damage but if there is really an issue to where he can't get or stay hard......he should probably see a doctor. I believe in my words when I say that needing porn for the sake of the erection.....is not a well thought out excuse.
For many times before and occasionally during marriage I had difficluty getting erect and I know it was either pure nerves or stress in my case. Many times - the time, the place, the occasion and the woman was right. Relevant to my history of long term marriage to one woman and also my history of multi affairs it was always an unhappy experience and ended in tears sometimes mine in sheer desperation,frustration curdling within me.
Whatever the death grip is, get him off that and offer the best help a woman can give to a tormented man. Sympathy but not cloying, understanding and patience.