Is this normal behaviour between 2 women / coworkers or more?
Is she attracted to me or is it all innocent?
For some months I have been wondering if a woman at work innocently likes to joke with me or if there is more to it. She is married, older than me and a senior manager. Im a lesbian who is out at work.
At a work party some time ago, before she was promoted into senior management, my appearance was brought up and that I don't look gay. She said that if she wasn't married I would be what she would go for, that she thought I was the right mix of male and female which she found sexy and that she thought I was pretty- this was in front of 3 other people. Later walking home from this party with her and this other guy, she brought up sexuality and said it was about the person and not the gender. I admit I had, had a few drinks so can't remember the next sentence but it ended in her saying she had got me.
Since the party she has been promoted. She hasn't really said a lot since that night but has mentioned stuff like I'm better looking than the woman I'm seeing, which I found a bit rude and strange to say to a coworker. But I mostly thought ok she was just being nice at the party.
However lately I feel like it's got a bit touchy feely and has started up again, sometimes we punch at each other, pull faces or she pretends to call me names.
Earlier this week she walked to my desk and said her neck hurt and would i massage it for her. Again today she came up to my desk and told me that her neck hurt. I said I would come over to her and massage it. When I went over to her I started massaging over her clothes but she put her hand down the back of her shirt (through the neck hole) and said no here and then put my hand on her skin. Later in the afternoon I was walking passed her and started massaging her neck as she was saying it still hurt. She started moaning and said she should stop or people will think she is enjoying too much. I laughingly said it would be better with oil and she said that it was getting too kinky. Then she said that she is a bad example of a manager.
Earlier today she told me that my zipper was undone (total embarrassment) and I said oh so that's where you look when you see me and she said no I check you out all over.
A few times I have found her looking at me and we hold eye contact for a few seconds. I work in a different office from her and I have notice sometimes she walks through but doesn't stop to talk to anyone in there, even though it's quicker for her to walk a different way to walk outside.
Is this just normal behaviour between 2 women or no?
I wouldn't interpret her behavior as "just normal." I don't even consider her behavior vague. Certainly it's not professional. Given that she's married and a senior manager, it's disrespectful even if she's genuinely attracted to you. And well, I don't see that going anywhere good for you. If I were in your position I'd shy away from giving any more massages... But that's not really the question you asked. So, no. She's flirting. Though given your spelling of behaviour maybe there's a cultural difference compared to where I live. Nah, I still think it has to be flirting.
In terms of flirting, I'd say all of that was as subtle as a brick (including that she thinks you can do better (i.e. her) than the current girlfriend)! But I also agree it would be foolish to want to encourage or take it further given that NO WAY would you be able to have a relationship with this woman without her being under temptation to automatically carry the superior-subordinate dynamic across or take even greater advantage of it. You'd always have a silent yet tacit Sword of Damocles held over your head ("Do as I want and say or your job gets it!"). Plus, if you ever needed to be the one to end it - can you REALLY imagine her being okay with having to live day-in-day-out with the constant pain and rejection reminder-on-legs that was you, her ex?
She's ALREADY taking advantage of her superiority, think about it...
It could only end in tears, one way or another. So unless you're looking for a bossy mother or elder sister figure, or to risk eventually getting fired on some excuse/conveniently one of the first to get made redundant/feel forced to Constructively Dismiss yourself because of the horrid atmosphere (and having to take it to a tribunal), I would either just keep things forever contained to nothing more than flirty banter as spices your job up a bit (whilst in the 'real world' concentrating on your girlfriend) or start to keep your distance and make jokey excuses in a way that saves face and neither antagonises nor rubs her nose in her non-professionalism.
The latter is especially important seeing as how she might, for all you know, just be experimenting with her own sexuality in what to her is an altogether safe situation.
However, if it turns out she's serious and you want that badly to have a relationship with her, one of you could always quickly find another job so that you're no longer working together. (Guess who'd have to be the one to do that, go on.