Rough break up
I was dating my ex girlfriend for 2 years and 1 month, we are both 16, now that we broke up she's with a boy 2 years younger than us! He's 13 years old I believe, he's a druggie and now my ex started doing drugs too, she's doing drugs with him. It hrs me seeing her mess up her life, she even ditches school just for him now. I haven't talked to her for almost 2 months already, she hasn't contacted me either. We broke up 4 months ago, the last time I talked to her I asked her if she's moved on yet and she said "yeah kinda", do you think she meant it or is she just faking it? I don't plan on contacting, although it's very tempting, when she told me that she's kinda moved on I just told her "okay, I wish you 2 the best" and I just walked away. what should I do? I want to move on but it's hard, any advice?
Two whole years younger? I can only presume she wanted to be the indisputable boss this time! Or that you were too good for her so she's chosen someone *willing* to accompany her on her slide down the slippery slope to self-destruction whereas you weren't? Or a bit of both - bossing him around AS they both slide down?
'Yeah kinda' sounds like her trying to escape seeing the full extent of your disappointed reaction. She's giving you HALF the message (can you see it?) in the hope you'll work out the other half for yourself....when she's no longer around to have to witness or deal with it.
Never mind what she SAYS, though. It's ACTIONS that prove sentiments true or not. Were she NOT moved on or not entirely then you would be seeing the results made manifest in her still regularly spending whatever chunk of time with *you*. She's not, though, is she. So actions say, yes, she's moved on.
Or MOVED DOWN, by the sounds of it.
You shouldn't 'do' anything. You did all that was your right to do (wished her the best and then walked away).
Moving on isn't hard. It's the sensation that, albeit imperceptibly less day by day, accompanies you as you go through the process of becoming ready to move on.
Have you ever heard of the concept of being depressed about being depressed or being anxious about being anxious? How to DOUBLE the struggle and pain! The thing to do, therefore, is to cease struggling against and just ACCEPT that you're going to be daily-intermittently miz for a while and make alterations to your lifestyle in order to accommodate it. See it that the pain-in-the-arse relatives have come to stay and be endured for a few months (LOL but true). "This too shall pass" should be your mantra to yourself. Because it will.
And when it does - and here's the great thing about a period of grieving - you will not only FEEL better (even as much as to be labelled 'reborn') but that new and never-before experienced spring in your step will attract likemindeds who've been through similar to you. It's like this transition is a landing between two distinct levels. And you're about to 'step up' to where superior people who'd never behave in ways that could hurt or damage others (because they've known being the victim themselves), live. Or, if you like, see it as you leaving a sh*t party and heading for a much better one at someone else's house, only, where the walk from the former to the latter SEEMS dark, freezing cold and a bit spooky or discombobulating. If you just keep putting one foot in front of the other as far as your legs can stretch then arrival at that better party is a guaranteed inevitable. And the quicker and with a larger stride you walk (without cheating by hailing a taxi), the faster you'll get there. That simple.
...in which case, cease wasting any more time in repeatedly reversing your steps or you'll only be prolonging your discomfort and feeling of being 'lost'. After all, nothing is irreversible, meaning, you COULD, if you wanted, always leave the better party to go BACK to that original party. Only you obviously won't want to. But you could, is the point. So why not TRY the better party in order to make that choice an educated and intelligent one?
It's better than being stood on some cold, dark road going back and forth and back and forth between the two venues. That method gets you NOWHERE except basically oscillating on the spot.
It's tough getting over a lost relationship and two years is a long time spent being with someone. Four months since your breakup isn't a lot of time to allow yourself to adjust to the loss so I hope you'll continue to be patient with yourself until you really do start feeling better. It takes time to recover, to grieve and eventually move on. These feelings are a real condition that can actually be observed in brain scans over time. To help yourself cope better in the meantime, you can try staying busy with other activities. Are there activities that give you some relief from all the feelings? Are there new activities you haven't tried but have some curiosity about? Does music help? Is volunteer work helping others sound like something you'd be willing to try? Talking to someone whenever you need to is very very important, too. If you don't have someone you trust to be understanding, try talking to a school counselor or teacher if you like any of them. Don't give up if you don't find the person who will listen and get it right away because that's not your fault. Try calling a phone hotline, there are local and national ones for depression, anxiety, therapy and so on. Online chat services for the same are also available if that sounds easier. Even if you don't think your troubles fit any of those descriptions, go ahead and call one anyway because they're just people who want to help others. These people are willing to listen and want to help. Sometimes just one conversation with the right person when you find them can make all the difference. Don't give up, you're worth the effort and you deserve compassion. Ask other people for what you need, for help, for guidance, or for just someone to talk to from time to time. You're not burdening others when you do that because there are people out there that really do care and want to help. It does get better. It really does. Give yourself time and be kind and gentle to yourself. Hang in there.
I think I focussed too much on the moving on part in my previous post when there was more to your post than that. So I wanted to add...
I don't know how she really feels or if she really meant what she said but it's still best to respect other people enough to believe they are capable of saying what they really mean. If this was a current instead of former relationship then I might suggest questions to ask her until you felt less confused. But that's NOT your situation and I think continued contact with her will only keep hurting you. She's doing drugs and skipping school. This other boyfriend is probably less about his age or any other trait and more to do with his access to drugs. Her life is on a path that won't lead anywhere good. You can't save her from that. Only her parents and the girl herself have a chance of changing the direction her life is taking. You talking to a school counselor or teacher might eventually help her too, but it might not. Ultimately that's not your responsibility, your responsibility is living your own life as well as you can.
Thank you very much, Miss! Your advice has really got me thinking and you're absolutely right! Only my ex girlfriend can save her self. I appreciate your advice, truly grateful there's people out there like you helping the youth, that's something very meaningful. God bless you, Miss!
You're very welcome, Emersongonzal19. I'm glad it helped and I wish you the best.