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Controlling

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I'm a calm, laid back sort of guy who prefers to let minor things ride rather than make a fuss but over the last couple of years my wife has taken advantage of this and is controlling me. As an example - if the restaurant serves me mashed potatoes when I ordered boiled I will mention it to the waiter but accept it anyway : but my wife will loudly complain on my behalf and send it back. If she asks me the time of the train I will tell her : but then she will rush off and ask a station person just in case I got it wrong. Every letter I write concerning vacations, airline tickets etc has to be copied to her just in case I got it wrong - she will then be on the phone to double check my facts. It is humiliating - but do I make a fuss or let it ride ?? Either way I feel I am being controlled into doing something I do not want to do and is not part of my character. What is the answer.

Controlling

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It sounds like your wife cares so much more deeply about things than the average person, meaning almost EVERYTHING is worth making a stand for and NOTHING worth taking a risk over. And indeed, she probably *doesn't* have that much confidence in you. Is that because you haven't yet found a channel you're comfortable with using to express the fact you care as well as to what degree? Or because you care about completely different things to her? Here's her point of view, I imagine: If you're going to care enough to bother going to the effort of complaining about something TO ME then why don't you go the whole hog (do it properly) of conveying your degree of satisfaction to the waiter whose job it is TO welcome criticism? Why are you honest with me but less so other people? 1. *Are* you under-assertive with people you don't yet know and trust or is it simply that there's little point in doing it yourself because your wife has always pipped you to the post in doing it FOR you (yet these days reckons you should have taken that over)? I.e., which caused which? 2. How is it humiliating? 3. And which would you rather if it weren't possible to have both: that you flew solo or with a co-pilot? 4. Why is it that despite you and she apparently have been married for longer than the last couple of years, only now are you noticing? Or are you *not* only just noticing and more just starting to find it unbearable? 5. Have you TOLD her this is how you feel? If so, what did she say/how did she react? If not, does that then lead us full circle to Question 1 as well as worryingly reveal that there needs to be greater trust built/rebuilt between you and your wife generally as opposed to just anything to do with administration and people skills?

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