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What am I supposed to do?

WATERMELON
- May 29 2015 at 02:45
Member since: May 2015
Relationship advice My problem is, 4 years ago I've met a girl online and we started to talk alot, we've became a really good friends more like best friends.

anyway we used to talk alot but last year everything changed I had some personal issues I failed 3 classes in college, I was in a distance relationship but me and my gf start to grow apart my gf used to have my facebook password ( I gave it to her) I've nothing to hide but she told me that she was reading the messages between me and that girl and she didn't like how close we were she thought I was cheating on her and she felt like this girl is closer to me than her after that she broke up with me, and my dad got really sick I had to go back to my country to be with him (I study abroad) which mean I had to skip one semester, anyway I've found it as a great opportunity to get back to my homeland and work on my relationship with my gf since she's the love of my life, everything was getting better my dad, I got my gf back, so many things were going on in my life so I couldnt talk to her as I used to so I sent her a message apologizing for not being able to talk to her as I used to be and I've deactivated my account after that for almost a year. me and my gf broke up again I got really depressed,I had to go back to complete my studies after few months I activated my account back to talk with my ex gf and try to get her back and try to get her number since she've changed it and she it to me. After that I didn't open my account at all I've totally forgot about but yesterday I opened it and found the girl I met online she has being messaging me all that time! At time point I don't know what I'm supposed to do should I replay to her now? or just ignore it? I really can't talk to her anymore I don't have time to do that, also she lives in a different country so meeting her is impossible, and after we got back me and my gf she made me promise her not to talk to thar girl again. Should I replay to her and tell her I can't chat with you anymore? and I sound like a douchebag and I know I've hurt her but we were just friends I didn't know she cares that much about me. Please Help

What am I supposed to do?

SOULMATE (moderator)
- May 29 2015 at 18:16
Member since: Aug 2014
There is a differentiator in play here:

Your **GIRLFRIEND** made you promise never to talk to 'chat girl' again. Therefore, the condition applied to the active bf-gf relationship. The relationship isn't active any more, ergo, that part of the contract went up in flames (the minute the relationship ended).

Could you really, truly not see that yourself? Or are you having trouble asking...

a] whether it would be fair to in effect *admit* to this chat girl (by saying thanks-but-no-thanks) that although she served a purpose at the time (as a 'message' with which to alert gf that you weren't happy with the workings of the relationship), she is now redundant?

b] whether you being (this time, less easily/directly) seen by your ex to talk to chat girl might again evoke enough jealousy, possessiveness and female-to-female competitiveness to compel her to want to reconcile?

c] whether or not to start something back up with chat girl for want of any present better relationship/girlfriend?

d] both b and c?

e] how to get rid without being thought of as a douchebag?

Re [e]: do you even care what she thinks or feels about you from here on in if you're never going to have anything to do with her ever again? Or is that why you're stuck in indecision - because you liked her enough that you might, one day?

What am I supposed to do?

SMILESUPSIDEDOWN
- May 30 2015 at 00:12
Member since: May 2015
Hi Watermelon,

I think it would be a kindness to simply tell this facebook girl something like...

"I had a lot of personal emergencies and changes over the last few years that kept me too busy to check my facebook account but now that I see you've been sending messages all this time I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner and let you know that I'm in love with another girl. Because of that I don't feel comfortable staying in touch with you. Sorry I didn't make this clear sooner. I wish you the best. Goodbye."

Of course, I suggest you make the actual words your own when you tell her but I thought providing that example might help you figure it out. By giving a short explanation and saying goodbye, you will be giving the facebook girl an answer so she can move on. Honesty even when it's painful is more respectful of the other person's feelings than deceit, lies or evasion.

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